Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began
by TwiliteAddict
Summary: Esme & Carlisle are the strong foundation of the Cullen Coven, but this love story started as a tragedy for Esme. Read how Carlisle saved Esme & how they overcame their fears & demons to find a happily ever after. Winner of several fanfic awards, CANON.
1. My Guardian Angel

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight. _

_Welcome! Hope you enjoy reading Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began. This is a canon story that seeks to fill in the missing history/scenes of Carlisle and Esme's past together from their first meeting to their first wedding anniversary. _

_I wanted to create for readers their epic love story, and was lucky to find some who also enjoyed the ride - Winner of Best Completed, Gem__ Awards - Opal (Carlisle) Round 2011, Hopeless Romantic Award 2011: Best Carlisle and Esme, Shimmer Awards 2009 Winner: Rewind Award for Favorite Pre-Twilight story, and Twilight Awards 2009 2nd Place: Best Pre-Twilight Story._

_This first chapter moves quickly to set up the action to come..._

* * *

**_Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began_**

**My Guardian Angel**

**July 27, 1911**

**Protestant Hospital, Columbus, Ohio**

**EsPOV**

"May I be the first to sign your cast, young lady?"

I blinked twice –slowly—transfixed as I tried in vain to comprehend the brilliance of his smile. It seemed too perfect to be real.

"Esme, answer the nice doctor," my mother prompted me, but it sounded as if she was speaking through a long narrow tunnel – her voice was muffled and distant. Only when she elbowed me in the ribs did I snap out of my daze.

My cheeks burned but I tried to smile back at the doctor confidently.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, I would like that very much," I finally stammered out, still gazing intently into his warm yet strange colored eyes.

Although climbing the tallest tree on our farm was probably not the smartest thing I had done, it was exhilarating to climb so high. I almost felt free of our small farm and believed I had even breached the upper border of the dull town of Dublin, Ohio. But it wasn't to last. The cursed place sucked me right off the tree, breaking my leg so I wouldn't forget the lesson: there was no escape.

My mother had the task of taking me to the hospital, as according to my father, anything to do with the children was "her job." I stole a look at her from the corner of my eye – she was trying to smooth her hair back and smile kindly at the doctor.

His hands had worked so gently mending my leg, but somehow I knew they were also very strong. If my leg still hurt, I wasn't aware of it. I was so captured by my handsome, tall, blonde doctor.

As I watched him scribble on my cast, it struck me he seemed not of this world. The combination of his smooth pale skin and crisp white lab coat made it appear as if there was an glowing aura surrounding him. And, oh my, he looked like an angel!

I had never met an angel before, but my mother always told me I had a guardian angel…everybody did. The fact that I didn't kill myself falling out of the tree proved that much!

I needed an image of my guardian angel…so I pictured Dr. Cullen as my angel.

My mother cleared her throat, indicating my staring at the young doctor was bordering on inappropriate. I let my eyes fall to my cast. He had scrawled in perfect script "Handle with Care" and signed under it: Fondly, Dr. Cullen.

"Thank you," I murmured, avoiding his eyes lest he could read in my eyes what I was thinking.

He placed a cool index finger under my chin and raised my face until my eyes met his.

"You are a very energetic and bright young girl. Take care of yourself from now on – no more reckless tree climbing. Someday you are going to make a very lucky boy a very lucky husband and you need to be in one piece to do that, you hear me?" His voice was kind, but his eyes were intensely focused on mine. It seemed like he truly wanted me to consider his message.

"Yes,octor," I said, averting my eyes though I could sense he continued to look into mine.

Was it getting warmer in here? Thankfully, my mother broke the silence…

"Come, Esme," my mother said, helping me off the hospital bed. "I am sure the kind doctor has many other patients to see."

We left, but before the door could close behind me, I looked back to steal one last glance at my angel, and file it safely in my memory.

* * *

**The Big Day**

**June 16, 1917**

**St. Joseph Cathedral, Columbus, Ohio**

"You look beautiful, dear," my mother sniffled into her tissue.

I could see her standing behind me, reflected in the tall, oval mirror I was standing too stiffly in front of. She beamed with such pride and happiness. I shifted my gaze again so I was looking into my own eyes. Why didn't I look as happy as she did? After all, _I_ was the bride.

"Thank you, mom."

I worked to draw up the sides of my mouth to resemble a smile. It looked weary. Luckily, I was able to convince everyone around me I just had a case of the pre-wedding jitters.

Unsure what to say next, my mother looked for an excuse to leave. "I'll just let you have a moment to compose yourself. I'll send your dad in when it's time…"

She stepped out of the small room in the church reserved for brides-to-be. I was alone with my thoughts. Not a good thing. My mind was in full panic mode. A voice kept screaming: _Run…Escape! _

How had I let this happen? I felt unprepared for the commitment I was about to make, but somehow I had not done a thing to stop it. My engagement and subsequent wedding plans happened so quickly and with so much fanfare from my family and community. I guess I just got swept up in the process.

I was 22 years old; most women my age were already married and had started a family. My mother made it abundantly clear I was not holding up my end of the "social norm". Finding a suitable suitor was a priority for my parents, not for me. My priority was my three younger siblings.

I was their caretaker most days. My mother chronically suffered from melancholy. But now that I was an adult, I wanted to be free. However, when I shared with them my life-long dream of traveling to a big city, attending college, and becoming a primary school teacher, they strongly resisted.

"Who will care for us?" My sister Lillian questioned with her innocent large 13 year old eyes - eyes that quickly filled with tears of apprehension. Stephen, my 14 year old brother and Theresa, my 16 year old sister, looked just as panicked as Lillian.

Yes, who would care for them?

Me.

After all, childhood was such an important time in life. A time when a person learns to trust (or to fear as the case may be). Children who are shown they are needed, loved and treated with compassion flourished. I had always believed children needed— no, deserved- protection and care. I could do that as a teacher. But not now. Now I was to sacrifice for them.

To appease my family I would marry a man of good-standing, remain in this humble Ohio town, and care for my siblings as long as they needed me. I could always read about faraway places…and hope.

When my fiancé, Charles Evenson, first showed interest in me, my parents were elated. He was a successful business owner who could provide for me. For my part of the bargain, I would care for him and bear his children. _The American dream I was told_.

When I spoke of my desire to become a teacher, Charles made it clear I would not work outside of our home. Others would question his ability to provide. That was the day I learned Charles was an extremely prideful person.

A soft knock on the door startled me away from my recollections.

"It's time, Esme," my father spoke softly from the other side of the door.

I drew in a deep breath to fill and strengthen me.

Maybe someday I could have the life I wanted. But today was about the commitments I had made to others. With one last glance in the mirror, I stood tall and put on my best smile. The stage was set and I was headed for the performance of my life.

* * *

**The Return**

**August 28, 1919**

**Dublin, Ohio**

I poured myself another glass of wine, though most of it sloshed on to the table. My quaking prevented accurate aim. My sobs shook me so hard I gripped the chair to keep from sinking to the floor – to the true depth of my despair.

Charles would return tomorrow.

Just eight months after our wedding, he had been drafted. And I had been temporarily freed of his tyranny.

But now that The Great War was over, I felt the vestiges of terror bubbling to life in my gut….and they staunchly refused to be drown in cheap red wine.

I hung my head in shame remembering my relief when the draft letter arrived. It was my ticket to some sense of freedom, of self. Charles completely ruled my life as he saw me both as an extension and a reflection of himself.

I would give a face to the life he wanted others to believe he had. Our house would be immaculate; I would be well-groomed, polite, and affectionate. I was expected to dote on him constantly and never look upon him with anything else but awe and respect.

Or else.

His control over me happened slowly, as water erodes the beach, gradually usurping little bits at a time.

At first, it started as criticism. It seemed I never did anything right. I was the stupid woman who burnt dinner, couldn't drive well, and didn't pleasure him enough when we were intimate. In fact, Charles had taken to sleeping in a separate bed, coming to mine only when he wanted satisfaction… and leaving shortly after.

Next came his possessiveness and paranoia – where was I, who was I with, what was I doing. Little by little, my life shrunk to nothing for I quickly learned if I isolated myself from everyone, it gave him nothing to question and little to be angry about.

I had no friends, no family, no visitors…only dwindling hope.

The day before he left for the war, I burned his farewell dinner. He threw the hot dish across the room and for the first time, raised his hand to strike me. I cowered like a helpless child in the corner.

Scared and alone, I sought help from my church after he left. I pleaded my case to the priest. I told him I felt threatened and degraded. Certainly, this is not what God had envisioned marriage to be! But I couldn't find it in me to leave him without someone's permission. Without _someone_ on my side.

"My child," he said calmly, "the Lord created marriage as a binding contract between a man and a woman. Surely, you are not considering a divorce already? Give this some time to work itself out. Maybe if you could try harder…."

If God would not help me, who would?

Certainly, I couldn't go to my family. They would be so disappointed in me. How could I have let my marriage fail so quickly?

I decided on a sure course of action. I would prove my competency and I would win back Charles' favor!

So while Charles was away, I managed to maintain the business. Even growing it a bit and expanding the customer base. I conveyed the good news to him in letters every week, confident that when he returned, he would be grateful, even proud of me. Maybe we could start anew…

Hung over yet dressed to the nines as he would be expectin, I waited on a hot August day amidst all the fanfare to welcome our boys home from the war. The excitement surrounded me, but did not penetrate me.

I anxiously searched for him through the crowd of men in uniform and wives with arms outstretched.

Then I saw him. So handsome in his dress uniform. I ran to him now feeling a wave of relief he had made it home alive when so many others had perished. I bit my lip with resolve - I _would_ try harder.

He spotted me and headed in my direction. I threw my arms around him and kissed him exuberantly.

His words cold as ice. "Not in public, Esme."

So much for hope.

_**October 5, 1920**_

"What's for dinner?" Charles questioned as soon as he walked into the door, throwing his briefcase and hat on the freshly waxed floor.

We had resumed our old pattern of daily life shortly after he came home. I stayed home and cooked, cleaned, ran errands; I was the good wife. He went to work early and stayed late. I was expected to tend to all his needs when he returned home. A hot, home-cooked meal was expected and usually, sex was too.

My days blurred together. I began to feel run down. I had little energy and tried to sleep as often as I could while he was away, but I could not find relief from my symptoms. Shortly, the vomiting started. I didn't mention these things to Charles though - I knew his lack of concern would only make me feel worse. So I took myself to the doctor - alone.

The waiting room was bland and cold, but it wasn't busy, so I hoped I would be in and out soon enough to make dinner before Charles got home.

"Mrs. Ross, the doctor can see you now, follow me," the nurse called another patient back. Mrs. Ross didn't _look_ very sick, maybe this would move along quickly I thought as I started to wring my hands. Dinner could not be late…

I hoped the doctor would be a kind person. I needed to know why I felt so lethargic and nauseated. What if he said I was "depressed"? Gee, what a shock that would be! Maybe I was dying from the inside out. Maybe some of those new drugs I heard about would help me get through my masquerade?

Just then a memory flashed in front of my eyes. The image of a beautiful doctor. Tall, kind, handsome. It took a moment to shake the cobwebs free, but I finally recognized him as my Dr. Angel from my 16 year old tree climbing accident. Could he still be here? Or had he abandoned me also. I couldn't remember his name, though I remembered he had signed my cast.

And what was it that he said to me before I left? Something about making someone very happy one day?

A sour laugh sprung out of my lips and several people glanced in my direction. _Yea, doc, how did I do with that one?_ I may have made someone happy, but it certainly wasn't me.

"Mrs. Evenson? The doctor will see you now."

I got up and followed the nurse…

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_A/N: Thank you for reading my story. I just love Carlisle and Esme to pieces!_

_What do you think the doctor told young Esme? Eh, I think you know, but how did she react? Find out... Next chapter gives a glimpse into the young relationship between Dr. Daddy and Edward as well..._

_Although this story was completed a while ago, I still read every single comment, so please, as you read on, considering leaving one!_


	2. Father and Son

**Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…**

**Father and Son**

EsPOV

"Pregnant!" I stared at the doctor, unseeing.

How could this have happened? Wait, no, I know how it happened, but I can't understand why God let it happen. What kind of world was I bringing a child into? I was barely holding myself together.

Love, compassion, devotion, care – these were the qualities a child needed in a home.

No, no, no! I can't handle this complication.

"Mrs. Evenson? Is something wrong?" the doctor questioned, furrowing his brow.

I refocused my eyes, "No. Thank you." I rose and left the office in a cloudy haze. What was I to do now? How would Charles react to the news? How could I fix this?

I don't remember how I got home. I felt numb with concern. How would I protect my child when I couldn't even protect myself?

I saw my brother and sisters' faces in my mind. How helpless and needy they had been as children. How I had worked to care for them, and doubted I did enough... Now had someone who would completely depend on me! For _everything_. Someone who existed _inside_ of me. This meant I had to do something I had never done before – I needed to put myself in a position that was not _last_. Protecting my unborn child meant caring for _me_. This meant doing something I didn't have any experience at.

That night, as I slept alone in my bed avoiding the wet spot Charles had left as a reminder of my worthlessness, my dreams were vivid. Terrifying. Over and over again I saw the same child, and he was always in danger. I tried to run to him, but each time my legs would not propel me forward. I was always too late to protect him.

I woke in the morning covered in sweat.

Then I vomited, reminding me that this pregnancy was all too real.

I felt panicky. _Run….escape_! raged through my mind. Why was this feeling too familiar? I searched my mind and found the memory of my wedding day, in that little room at the church.

I had not heeded that voice then. I believed I could make everyone happy and then I would find happiness too.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I was listening to the voice this time! There was more at stake this time – my baby needed _me_.

Charles stripped me of everything. I had no pride, no love, and no innocence to offer another man. I was used and empty. I had no money and nowhere to go.

Yet resolve steeled within me. I did have eight hours before Charles returned from work.

Today I would escape with the only thing I would _never_ let him take from me – my unborn child.

Today, there would be no hot meal for him.

I would be gone.

* * *

**February 5, 1921**

**Chicago, Illinois**

CPOV

My time as a physician in Chicago has been the most life changing in my 260-some years. Though I had tried to avoid familiarity with my patients, I was drawn to a dying mother, Elizabeth Masen, who seemed to know there was something more to me. It was 1918 and the Spanish Influenza had hit the Chicago area with a vengeance. On her deathbed, she had implored me with her piercing green eyes to save her son. Her words still so fresh in my memory...

"You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

As a religious man, I did not believe in fate, but something about the way her eyes captured mine, looking beyond my presence into my soul. It made me question if this meant to be. Maybe she knew, understood something, I didn't. I had been contemplating creating a companion for some time and here was someone giving me permission to do so. She was offering me the greatest gift - her only son.

My unique choice of a _vegetarian_ lifestyle left me, well, unique, one-of-a-kind , and so alone. My mind raced. It was a moment of truth - and a moment of deep denial.

I understood how my own creation into this immortal life had occurred. I could duplicate that - just bite and _stop_. But could I do that? More importantly, _should _I do it? Certainly not to anyone who had another choice. This wasn't a life, it was a half-life. Neither living nor dead.

Elizabeth's son, Edward, was unconscious with a high fever. He would offer no resistance. There was so much death all around; no one would miss one more victim. I had wheeled him to the morgue, next to his mother. I remember asking for God's forgiveness of what I was about to do. After all, I was keeping someone's soul bound to this Earth. I felt unjustified in acting in this god-like way, deciding the fate of someone else's soul. Doing exactly what had been done to me so long ago.

Once I acted, I wondered whose forgiveness I would want more - God's or Edward's once he realized what he was to become.

Elizabeth's words echoed in my head and Edward obviously had little time left.

After all the years of indecision, I acted.

I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home. Not knowing if he could hear or understand me, I had whispered in his ear, "Edward, please forgive for what I am about to do. I am acting in a selfish manner and yet, I am honoring your mother's last request. She so loved you and I promise, though I cannot replace her, to always be there for you. This will be difficult. Be strong and I will be here when you end this journey."

I replicated the wounds I had received.

I had not thought out the challenge this act would present. I had never tasted human blood - my intended diet. The flavor was so sweet and rich, and Aro's smug smile interrupted my unanticipated pleasure.

Power surged through my body and my mind. It was like the rush I heard people experienced when they took a narcotic drug. It was like a high. And like an addict, I had wanted more.

Where I had found the strength to stop, I do not know. I liked to think Elizabeth was there with us, still protecting her son.

Then suddenly I was a father. Obviously not a father in the biological sense, but I did "create" Edward and he was my responsibility now. But isn't that the definition of father: a person regarded as a male parent; protector? I would be this for Edward, forever.

Life, in whatever form, is precious.

Soon, I came to realize another thing I didn't anticipate: how difficult it would be raising a _teenage _newborn vampire. I certainly bit off more than I could chew! First, Edward's instincts to hunt were very strong, and he was very determined. I learned trying to rationalize with a newborn was just plain impossible - he wanted human blood. To him it was simple: Human blood smelled the most enticing and who would chose potatoes when steak was available? Mentoring Edward was a full-time job. In fact, I had to leave my position at St. Luke's Hospital.

Next, I had to deal with the age old 17-year-old issues. Edward wanted to challenge everything. I knew as a human he would be at the developmental age where he would be seeking his independence, but choosing independence as a newborn would mean judgment from those who appointed themselves the watch dogs - the Volturi.

Like any father, it was my responsibility to teach Edward how to function in society, and he knew none of the rules in _this_ society. Without my guidance, Edward would surely expose who, or what, he was and that would mean certain death. However, convincing a seventeen-year-old male who suddenly found himself with "super-human" powers he needed to obey rules was quite another story. In addition, not having to sleep meant ample time for him to find mischief.

Then, there was the realization Edward possessed a gift. During our most heated discussions, I noticed he would answer questions I had only _formed_ in my mind, not wanting to speak the harsh words out loud. After spending time with the Volturi in Italy, I had learned from Aro, who possessed his own gift, that although rare, many vampires did come to have powers over and above the usual immortal strengths. Edward's gift was reading other's thoughts.

Eventually, conveying my end of the conversation to Edward was mostly done through my thoughts. This also gave me the opportunity to toy with how to keep my thoughts from him and how to control my thoughts as to hide information from him (Christmas and birthday gifts demanded extra distracting on my part). Although Edward was comfortable with his gift, having it since he was changed, being around crowds made him edgy. I was concerned he might lose what little control he had developed over the past three years.

For both our sakes, I decided we needed to relocate from Chicago. The city was just overly congested - to many people, too many thoughts, and too much temptation for Edward to hunt human prey. I did some research and found an area to the northwest in Wisconsin that seemed perfect. The area had ample days of cloud cover and was very thickly forested with plenty of animal prey.

I had hoped if Edward could hunt larger game and carnivores, he might be sated. After all, the main benefit of my lifestyle was leading a life at least somewhat similar to a normal human life. I never wanted the vampire life of hiding in shadows and lurking at night. Feared. At first, knowing what I was caused me enough distress and disgust to attempt suicide many times. Thirst had driven me deep into the forest, away from all humans. That was when I discovered the alternative. Animals could give me what I needed to survive.

Becoming a physician was my way to prove to myself I was civilized. I was surprised when my occupation turned into my passion. I found I could make a _positive _difference in people's lives. Maybe God does have a grand plan...

At first, Edward was surprised at by my sudden decision to move. We packed the car in relative silence and set out for our new home in northern Wisconsin. Edward, who was probably trying to play off the fact that he was listening to my thoughts, finally broke the silence.

"Carlisle, I had hoped you would return to your position at the hospital. I know they are in need of qualified physicians."

"There are more hospitals and more places that can use my skills," I assured him. I tried to picture in my mind other hospitals and other challenges I might want to take on. I needed to convince him this was the right action for both of us. The good thing about medicine was it was constantly changing, becoming more advanced. New technologies continued to make practicing medicine interesting and engaging. Unfortunately, there was no fooling the reader of thoughts...

"We are leaving because of me," Edward stated flatly, as he stared out the window.

"Edward, you know I think of you as my son, and I want what is best for you - for us. This lifestyle I have chosen and require of you can be challenging, yet rewarding. I need to do whatever I can to help you make this transition. It will pay off in the long run - I promise you."

He seemed to be deep in thought.

"Carlisle, I have made a decision of my own, but I believe I need your permission first," Edward looked intently at me.

"Of course, what is it?"

"I have decided to change my name," Edward said, and his words hung in the air.

At last, I chuckled. "Change your name? To what?"

Humor wasn't exactly Edward's forte, but I couldn't imagine where he was going with this. Maybe he'd come up with something from the movies. Edward enjoyed spending his evenings in the movie houses. His latest favorite was the film _Stolen Moments_ in which the lead character, Rudolph Valentino, played a villain. Sadly, I wondered if he identified with the character...

"You're not going to ask me to call you Rudy are you?"

"No," he said in all seriousness, quirking an eyebrow. I quickly felt ashamed for making a joke of something he had obviously given much thought to.

"I want to change my last name from Masen to Cullen. Would you approve?" he said.

Now I was the one thrust into deep thought. This was a pivotal moment in our relationship. I had wanted Edward to see me as a father figure, but in reality, I was only six years older than he was. Changing his name to Cullen though seemed like a gesture of acceptance. Did he truly see me as his father? Was that the reason he wanted to take my surname?

"Yes," he simply said.

For the first time in this existence, I felt...what was it? Warm. Yes, from deep inside. Nothing had ever pleased me as much at this gesture from the young man next to me.

I realized at that moment, we _were_ a family.

I had a changed outlook on the future...I welcomed it with a large smile and a handshake.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Edward Cullen."


	3. Ashland, Wisconsin

_Stephanie Meyer owns all that is Twilight._

**Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…**

* * *

**Ashland, Wisconsin**

**March 5, 1921**

**Milwaukee, Wisconsin**

It's been five months since my abrupt decision to leave everything behind. I had bought a ticket at the Greyhound bus station and came to safe haven at my Cousin Mary Ann's house in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her husband, Robert, had recently returned from the war also. Mary Ann was so happy to have him home, but according to her, he hasn't been the same and has had difficulty keeping a job. They didn't mind taking me in when I promised to find work and help pay the bills.

I was able to secure a job as a teacher in a small Catholic school. My cover story was that I was a war widow, being cared for by my extended family. This lie was a simple, believable and appropriate for the social norms of the time. A pregnant woman, working and living alone would raise eyebrows and I did not want to attract attention. I just wanted to blend in, have time to adjust to my new life and plan my future with my unborn baby.

All was going as well as could be expected...until the telephone call.

The call came in the early evening. It was my mom right on time for our weekly conversation. After much deliberation, I telephoned her several days after I had settled in Milwaukee. I knew my disappearance would cause her much worry and which would only complicate her illness. While she was not happy about the drastic action I had taken, she was relieved to know I was alive and unharmed. However, I had given her an ultimatum - if she wanted to continue to hear from me, she would have to keep my location and story a secret. I did not inform her of my pregnancy - that surely would have pushed her over the edge.

Our conversation seemed normal enough until there was a long pause from my mother. She did that whenever she had something to say, but didn't know how to say it. I braced myself.

"Honey, don't be mad, but I told your dad we have been talking on the telephone..."

"What! Mom, you know he will not understand why I left! How could you do this?" I stammered.

"Esme, he's your father! He has been worried sick about you. Did you really think you could disappear and not expect him to be devastated! He could tell I knew something since I wasn't constantly wondering what could have happened to you. I tried to just tell him a little, you know, I heard from you and you were fine. But he wouldn't leave it at that...I am sorry, dear."

"Well, at least it's over. Did you explain my reasons?" I felt relieved some of the burden of my secret had been lifted, yet anxious about my father's response. I so desired his support. I still had hope they would come to my aid.

Another long pause. I started to grieve.

"Esme, we miss you. This cannot be what you really want...Your father spoke with Charles. He admits he treated you poorly and he really wants you back. Dear, Charles is coming to get you... Esme? Esme, do you hear me? Are you there? _Esme_!"

My muscles had all locked at once - one big all-encompassing spasm. I was a deer caught in headlights. Physically frozen to the spot. But my mind was racing, putting together the dreadful truth - _He knows where I am_. He is coming to get me. He is going to be so angry and humiliated. My actions would not go unpunished.

Like a child who knew a severe whipping was ahead, I panicked and could only think of fleeing, for fighting was out of the question.

I dropped the phone, and though I could hear my mother shouting my name, I couldn't respond to her. _Traitor_. My parents had abandoned me.

When I finally broke free of my immobility, I sprinted up the stairs to my temporary room.

"Mary Ann! Mary Ann!" I shrieked in full panic mode. Skidding into the bedroom, I began ripping clothes from the closet and the drawers, dumping them haphazardly on the bed. Mary Ann arrived quickly.

"Esme... oh, my! What is it? You're as white as a ghost. What are you doing?" she shot the questions at me rapidly.

"I've got to go...got to get away!" I cried, never meeting her eyes as I flew about the room.

"Why? What's going on? You can't leave now; the baby is due in less than two months!" Mary Ann's voice now had panic in it too. She grabbed me by the shoulders to stop my frantic random movements and looked me in the eye.

"Esme, stop! What is going on?"

"Mary Ann, he knows! Charles knows where I am and he's coming!" I practically screamed.

Mary Ann gasped. Stunned, she plopped down on my bed on top of the pile of disarrayed clothes. Her sudden stillness got my attention. I paused. "What am I going to do?"

"Let me think. I need to talk to Robert. I may have a solution..." She bolted from the room, leaving me alone with my paralyzing fears. There was no way I was going to let him know about the baby. I would never be free from him if he knew a child was involved!

Within ten minutes, Mary Ann was back.

"Here's what we're going to do. Robert's best army buddy has a cabin in upper Wisconsin. It's a ways away - 350 miles or so in a small town called Ashland. But it's empty. He only uses it during deer hunting season. Robert said he can arrange for you to stay there. It's a quick solution until we can figure out what to do next."

I rushed to her, grabbing her hands and holding them to my heart. "Thank you, Mary Ann. When can I leave?" I sighed with relief.

"We'll drive you there tomorrow morning. Now please, for the baby's sake, calm down. It will all work out, don't worry," she said while she reached to embraced me - my bulging belly meeting her body first.

My dreams that night were filled with harsh images from my marriage. Though I knew escape would come with the sunrise, I started to fear I would never truly ever be free. When would I be able to stop running?

My second attempt at escaping Charles was uncomfortable. The drive to Ashland was long and the baby was very active, kicking away. Maybe my adrenaline was having an effect on him or her. I was feeling a mixture of mild relief and crippling fear. Where was I going? How would I support myself? Am I strong enough to do this?

When we arrived in the quaint town, Robert and Mary Ann took me grocery shopping. We stocked the cabin with everything we thought I might need until they could return again. By then, I hoped I could figure out my next move. But for now, I just really wanted to concentrate on getting through the rest of my pregnancy. Maybe once Charles was convinced I was not returning to him, I could find my way back to Mary Ann's.

"Ashland Community Hospital is not too far away," Mary Ann seemed to be trying to read my thoughts as we quietly put all the items we had brought in their proper places. I could tell she worried about leaving me as much I worried about being left behind. But this was not her burden to bear.

"I'll be all right, Mary Ann," I sought to reassure her. "You and Robert have been great. And I know you'll be back before the due date to be with me. I will be fine until then."

As the sun began to sink, they left for home. Someone had to be there to deal with Charles when he arrived. I knew Robert would keep my secret safe, but I did not envy the chore that was ahead of him. Charles was manipulative and aggressive.

I did my best to settle into my new home. By now, my belongings were few - only my most cherished possessions and the bare necessities. For some reason, though, I found it calming to be here - anonymous and alone. I had noticed on the drive in there were several cabins in the vicinity. I briefly wondered who my neighbors might be. Maybe strong, handsome woodsmen? The thought made me smile - how long has it been since I did that? Since my vision made me feel safer, I let the thoughts continue as I attempted sleep.

The surrounding area was beautiful. The forest was so green and peaceful, yet so full of life. I was also close to Lake Superior and pictured the waves crashing on the beach.

"This is going to work out," I spoke out loud trying to assure myself in the silence that surrounded me. I would learn to live on my own and this strength would make me a good mother. With a growing feeling of confidence, I fell asleep dreaming of what my life with my precious baby would be like...

**May 5, 1921**

**Ashland Community Hospital**

CPOV

"Dr. Cullen, could you please sign this discharge order for Mr. Greene?" asked a sticky, almost sing-song voice.

I turned to find Nurse Zeppo standing behind me with a clip board.

"Here, you can use my pen," she offered too quickly.

"Thank you, but I have one right here," I said, taking the clip board without meeting her eyes.

I didn't have to be a mind-reader to know what motivated Nurse Zeppo's graciousness. As a perfect predator, there were qualities about me that drew in my intended prey. After all these centuries, I've learned to ignore the flirtatious attention that followed me like a plague. Dwelling on it made me quite depressed. It wasn't _who_ I was that drew them in, it was _what_ I was. I felt like a reluctant flower attracting swarms of mindless bees - it was my looks and my scent that drew human women to me, nothing more than misguided instinct.

Making male friends wasn't any easier - no one enjoys having a friend that's _too_ good looking - too much competition. For once I'd like to find someone interested in me who doesn't have a hidden (or not so hidden) agenda. Someone who wanted to get to know the _real_ me. But I could never really share that secret either...

After centuries of frustration, I just found it easier to opt for solitude where humans were concerned.

Had I only known what I was getting into with Edward, maybe I would have continued to journey alone! Now I had exactly the opposite of my problem with humans: Edward knew _everything_ about me, whether I wanted to share it or not. But I took solace in the fact that although he knew my weaknesses and faults, yet still chose to remain with me in our new home in Ashland.

The hunting in the area was excellent. Edward found meat-eating game much more to his liking. He had shown such increase in his control over the past few months, I enrolled in the local high school. He was able to pick up where he had left off before he became ill with Spanish Influenza.

Finding work in Ashland was easier than I had imagined. The small town hospital was overjoyed to have an ER physician with my experience, and willing to work for the humble pay. I typically worked the day shift so I could be home with Edward in the evenings. We would hunt at night. It was a simple yet satisfying life.

I was looking forward to the hunt as I exited the hospital. As I stepped through the doors, a taxi screamed past, nearly grazing me. Had I been human, my response should have been to jump out of the way and waved some obscene hand gesture at the driver. I made a mental note to work more on my senseless human reactions to keep up appearances. As I glanced back, I noticed the nervous look on the cab driver's face as he launched himself out of the car. Something was not going as he had planned.

Briefly, I wondered if I should stop to investigate. But then I remembered I actually had someone waiting for me back home. There will be plenty of emergencies to deal with tomorrow...

EPOV

"Ma'am, let me run in and get a doctor for you! Stay right here!" screeched the unsteady taxi driver.

_No kidding_ I thought. Where was I going to go when these labor pains had reduced me to a quivering blob lying in the back of a smelly taxi!

The baby was coming - three weeks ahead of schedule. Luckily, I was able to get myself to the local general store to call a taxi to bring me to Ashland Community General. Thank God I made it!

A nurse came bustling out of the ER doors with a wheel chair and an orderly in tow. They eased me from the taxi into the chair, "Don't worry, honey, we got you! What's your name, dear?"

"Esme," I managed to choke out in between waves of pain.

"Esme, we'll get you right up to the maternity ward and you'll be greeting your new baby in no time."

I was taken to a room and questioned - many times- on the whereabouts of my husband. Once I informed them I was a widow, they questioned me on who was caring for me, who could they call.

"It's just me and the baby," I responded - then my water broke.

The pain of the contractions doubled - I didn't think that was possible! The nurse left to fetch the doctor who proudly declared, "It's time."

The nurse approached me next with a mask that she placed over my nose and mouth, "Just breathe in deeply, dear. When you wake up, the delivery will be over..."

I breathed in the fumes and all went black...

Within a few short hours I was holding my tiny, wrinkly baby boy. I fell instantly in love. He had beautiful dark blue eyes and fluffy golden brown hair. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. And, of course, he had that glorious baby smell! Perfect.

"What are you going to name him?" the nurse asked as she hovered over me.

"Benjamin Joseph Evenson," I said confidently.

"That's lovely. He sure is a cutie," she cooed, smiling at my baby before she stepped back from my bed. She paused and instinctually, I held my breath. She finally continued, "but the doctor is a little concerned. His color is a bit bluer than we'd like to see. We are going to keep a close eye on him for the next few days..."

My eyes snapped up quickly to look at the nurse.

"What do you mean 'blue'? What's wrong?"

"Don't worry yourself, dear; I am sure it's nothing. I just wanted to let you know we may want to keep your baby in the nursery so we can monitor his progress," the nurse replied without a hint of concern in her voice. Was that because she _was_ sure everything would be okay or was it because her years of experience had taught her how to hide her concern?

"Why don't I take him back to the nursery so you can rest?" the nurse held out her arms to take Benjamin.

I clutched my tiny bundle closer to my body, "No, really, I am not tired. I'd like to spend some more time with him now."

"Okay, dear, just know this may be your last chance to get some rest," she waved a finger at me. "Once you get your baby home, rest will be hard to come by..."

"Thank you, we're just fine," I smiled down at Benjamin's precious little face. He yawned.

Once the nurse left, I went about inspecting my baby more closely. 'Blue' the nurse had said. I looked for traces of 'blueness'. It did appear he was slightly discolored around his mouth and his finger and toe nails. His breathing seemed rapid and shallow, but wasn't that normal for newborns?

"Everything will be all right, won't it, Benji? We've been through so much, but now it is time for our happy ending. We have each other - everything else will work itself out. I'll take care of you, _I promise_."

I snuggled my nose to his and we settled in for a nap - together.

Such was our routine for the next 48 hours. I would feed Benji every 2-3 hours, we'd nap and then they would take him to the nursery. My arms ached without him, but he had developed a cough and his breathing seemed more difficult, so they kept him in the nursery to care for him. When he was late for his next feeding, I headed down to the nursery to retrieve him myself.

The nurse met me in the hallway.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Evenson, we need to keep Benjamin in the nursery. He is running a fever," she said, obviously trying to intercept me before I could reach the nursery.

"Can I look through the window and see him?" I tried to get past her - she would not allow it, stepping directly in front of me.

"Mrs. Evenson, he's taken a turn for the worse. He's a very sick baby. Please return to your room and I will send the doctor to speak with you."

I was unable to decide what to do. I wanted to see my baby. I needed to know he was all right. But not wanting to cause a scene, I nodded quietly and headed back to my room. And waited...

Finally, after what seemed to be forever, the doctor arrived at my door. He didn't hide the concern in his eyes as he sat in the chair next to my bed. Was I strong enough for this?

Mercifully, he got right to the point, "Mrs. Evenson, your baby has developed a lung infection. His lungs are producing mucous in response to this infection. The mucous is thick and we cannot remove it from his lungs. It is making it hard for him to transfer oxygen. This is why he is showing signs of being blue - he cannot perform proper gas exchange."

"But you are caring for him...you are going to fix this, right?" I stammered unclear on what the doctor was telling me. What's 'proper gas exchange?'

"We are doing what we can, but we don't know when or if the infection will resolve. Sometimes when babies run a fever their bodies can kill off whatever germ is causing the illness. But all we can do now is wait and see. I am sorry."

"Wait - wait for what? For him to get better or to suffocate?" my voice was high-pitched, panicky.

"We will make him as comfortable as possible. Would you like to come to the nursery and hold him?"

My tears flowed now. All I could do was nod at the doctor. He held my arm as he guided me back to the nursery. The nurses brought a rocker into the nursery and handed Benji to me. I rocked him, oblivious to all that was around me. He was so warm. His cough was still there, but it was weaker.

"You can do this, Benji. You fight this. I need you." I pleaded. My tears flowed onto his light blue hospital blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon.

He did fight hard, I know he did. But he lost the battle. Just before dawn, the light in my life went out.


	4. Lost and Found

_Stephanie Meyer owns all that is Twilight._

**Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…**

* * *

**Lost and Found**

**May 8, 1921**

EPOV

"But I need to get off this floor!" I pleaded with the nurse, my voice cracking with barely concealed hysterics.

"I am sorry dear. I know it is difficult being on the maternity ward after the loss you have experienced, but we need to manage you medically on _this_ floor," the nurse tried to reason with me.

"Then I need to leave. Physically, I'm fine. I need to get out of this place..." was my quick decided response.

"I will inform the doctor," she responded stiffly, turning abruptly to leave.

I was not being compliant, and I understood I was making her job more difficult, but the sounds here...the voices of the happy mother's...crying newborns. The walls were closing in on me and I felt I might be crushed under their weight. It was difficult enough carrying the weight in my heart.

The nurse returned shortly carrying several papers that she deposited on my bedside table before exiting. The doctor must have taken pity on me because he signed my discharge papers and I was free to leave. But I soon guessed the doctor just had a different agenda as the hospital chaplain appeared in my room before I had time to pack and make my escape.

"I am sorry for your loss, my dear. Is there anything I can do? The nurses told me you are alone here," he approached me slowly and took both my hands in his.

His face was kind, and it broke through some of my facade. My eyes filled with tears and I confessed, "Father, I have no money to bury my child..." I couldn't speak any more words than that.

"I see. Let me go back to my church and inquire on funds to help you in this time of need. The hospital will keep your baby here until we can make some arrangements for you. Can you contact me here next week?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Let me call a taxi for you. It will pick you up at the front of the hospital. Is there anything else you need?" he asked quietly.

"No, thank you, Father."

He squeezed my hands in a show of reassurance before excusing himself to use the telephone.

The taxi was at the door by the time I arrived. The taxi driver indicated to me the chaplain was paying the fare. I was grateful. I slid in for the lonely drive back to the cabin. _This was supposed to play out so differently. I was leaving my baby behind..._

It was just after sunset when I returned home. The quiet I once relished now felt to be my undoing. I was feeling claustrophobic in the small cabin. I was suffocating. In desperation for air, I launched myself out the door and into the darkening woods. I moved quickly in no particular direction. No particular destination in mind. I just had to move, breathe.

The emotional pain was all encompassing. It ripped at my heart and squeezed the air from my lungs. I wondered how something purely emotional could be felt so physically.

I broke under the strain. "I tried!" I yelled up to God as I stumbled through the densely wooded area around the cabin.

"I tried to persevere, to be strong. But I can't do it anymore! You took from me the last thing I was living for. I have nothing...no home, no family. I am alone and I hurt. What have I done to deserve this cursed life?"

My yelling turned into shouting as I threw my hateful words at God.

"What would you have me do now? Where will I go?"

My tears and rage obscured where I was going. Soon, however, I had to stop moving as I had arrived at the edge of the forest. I found myself standing on a steep embankment rising above Lake Superior. I looked down -it was as black below as the sky above. If it wasn't for the constant sound of the waves, I would not have guessed what lie below.

I grew quiet and an odd sense of peace wrapped around me like a blanket. For a moment, I felt I was floating. The height and the darkness were beckoning to me - drawing me closer to the edge. I was mesmerized and as I basked in the sensation my tears and pain relented. I was blessedly numb.

I wanted to embrace this feeling - bring it inside of me. I did not want the rage, pain and despair that threatened to overtake and shred me to pieces. I drew closer to my beckoning destination. Below there was nothing - it seemed so peaceful and welcoming.

I stood soaking in the sight, and became filled with longing for what it offered. The self-preservation part of my brain registered I could get no closer to the edge. "Turn back," it said in a stern voice from a small, insignificant part of my mind. But the relief I so desperately sought and so needed more than anything was just one more step ahead of me. Its call was stronger. I drew in a deep breath and took that last step...

CPOV

"Edward," I hissed in the darkness. Though I could not see him, I could hear him and I knew he could hear me. We were enjoying our night hunt in the woods.

"Carlisle?" came his response, just as low as my call had been.

"Do you smell that?"

"Yes...bear," Edward replied after checking the scents in the air. I could hear the pleasure and anticipation in his voice.

"You lead, son..."

We managed to close the distance between us as we continued to track our prey. The rush of the hunt pulled and prodded at our instincts. I enjoyed the freedom of leaving the human façade behind.

Suddenly Edward froze by my side. I could feel tension rolling off him in waves, his face confused and contorted. His reaction caught me off guard and I froze too. What had he sensed that I did not? A second later he spoke, "Do you smell THAT?"

I focused my attention on sampling the air around me - "Oh..."

Several things happened simultaneously: I recognized the smell of human blood - lots of it. Flowing freely. My profession had so effectively desensitized me to the scent of human blood I didn't immediately notice it. But Edward did.

_Edward_! In a flash I was at his side, gripping his shoulder. His eyes were black as pitch.

I spoke slowly and deliberately, "Edward, you need to leave this area now. Go home. Remember _who_ you are. Go. Home. I will meet you there soon."

My muscles tensed, preparing to take him down if he started toward the scent. He remained immobile. I knew Edward's vampire qualities were at battle with the human qualities he struggled to retain. I waited for the battle in his head to play out - I needed to know how deep his control went. This was a test...

Edward stopped breathing. He closed his eyes and blurred out of sight - in the direction of home.

My brief moment of pride was disrupted by the shrill sound of sirens. I darted in the direction of their sound and the scent, slowing only as I closed in on my destination. I saw several men standing on the edge of the embankment over the lake as I lingered in the shadows of the trees. I could hear their strained voices...

"It must be at least a forty or fifty foot drop to the beach below!" one said peering over the side.

"There is no way anyone could survive that, could they?" questioned another.

"Do you think she slipped?" a third said, directing his question specifically to the guy next to him.

"Man, I don't know," he said shaking his head, "I heard a woman yelling, so I came running thinking she was in danger or being attacked. I arrived just in time to see her go over the edge. Then nothing. I saw no one else around here. I sent my cabin mate to call for help, then I yelled down several times, but there was never any answer..."

The ER physician in me took over. I hurried as human-like as possible to the ambulance.

"I'm a doctor. Let me see if I can help the victim." I spoke quickly to the medic standing outside the rig. In a crisis I found humans respond to anyone who assumes strong control...

"Sure, doc. She's inside, but she's a mess. I don't think anyone will be able to put her back together in time," he said opening the double back doors.

It was a gruesome sight. My trained eyes did a quick physical assessment: unconscious female, mid-20's, bilateral compound fractures of the legs. The exposed, splintered bones caused immeasurable damage to her tissue as they violently exited her skin upon impact. Obviously the cause of all the blood loss. Her eyes were swollen and my enhanced vision picked up the traces left by tears. Likely suicide, I concluded.

Then my assessment picked up something else. A scent. A familiar scent - like the smell of roses and the air after a cleansing rain.

I had treated this woman before!

Guilt washed over me. Had I missed observing the signs of depression in one of my patients? I search my endless memory. Find it! Find that scent...

Not a recent patient, no. Not here in Ashland. This memory was filed a while ago.

Chicago? No, before that.

Columbus? Yes! A young, vibrant girl - 16 years maybe? Broken leg.

I was getting closer. What was her name?

Then her name fell silently from my lips - Esme Anne Platt.

* * *

_A/N: Whew, that was tough. But our hero has arrived and their timelines have merged. What will happen next? _

_Drop me a review or comment. It is much appreciated..._


	5. Resurrection

_Stephanie Meyer owns all that is Twilight._

**Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…**

* * *

**Resurrection**

CPOV

The ambulance lurched and began its wailing trip to the hospital. I rode in the back with the medic. It was frustrating to know I could carry her to the ER faster. Over the sound of the blaring sirens, I isolated the thudding of her pulse. It was weak and thready. I could only imagine the amount of pain she was in, even though her expression revealed no hint of emotion. What I wouldn't give to have morphine on this damn vehicle! I felt then unfamiliar rush of panic coursing through me. I needed to take some sort of action…

"Help me apply tourniquets over the femoral arteries," I hastily instructed the medic.

I had to stop the flow of blood from her leg wounds if there was any chance of saving her once we arrived at the hospital. Over and over in my mind I saw her young face from a decade ago, so vibrant, full of hope, promise and life. How she had blushed so innocently in my presence and the innocent warm scent that radiated from her young blood.

The medic stole a glance at me, his eyes skeptical. I knew his experience told him there was no chance of saving someone with injuries this extensive. But I felt the need, an urgent need, to try.

Again my mind took me back to the vision of youthful Esme. What could have gone so wrong in her life to bring her to this final sacrificial act? I searched her face for answers. I needed the answers.

I wrapped the tourniquets around her upper legs quickly, wishing the medic would look away so I could move at _my _speed! _Hang in there, Esme_, I thought. You must give me answers…

Such a waste.

I had very strong feelings about suicide. With plenty of time to think about it over the centuries – to think back when I had made the same decision Esme made – only in my case, I made the decision several times over.

It was definitely the darkest time of my life – when I realized what I had become. The vilest, most hated of creatures walking God's earth. I was now part of the plague my father was dedicated to eradicating.

As a lad, I walked in his shadow and shared his cross, his purpose. But as I grew, I had doubts at times. Some of the same townspeople he accused of living a cursed life were people I had come into contact with everyday. I had walked with them, discussed God with, and even considered some friends.

In my heart, I believed many to be innocent.

But as a child, I thought like a child, and my father was so great in my eyes that I turned my head and closed my eyes to their suffering and fate.

Suddenly their vengeance was upon me and no amount of repentance on my part would remove the guilt I internalized nor the burning I suffered for failing to plead their innocence to my father.

I knew then he did not have divine sight. He was flawed like the rest of us, he just didn't realize it – nor did I. And in our ignorance, God had made me the vessel of punishment for my father's arrogance and misguidance. _The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding*._

But in my act of fleeing from his sight, by denying myself comfort from his hands, I spared him in the end. I protected him from the lesson he was meant to learn. He need not consider destroying his son, I would destroy myself. The sacrificial lamb had become a lion, but I would sin no more.

Suicide was my only choice. As a sin against God, killing myself would condemn my soul. But it was the only option to end the pain. By this time, the emotional pain of what I had become far outweighed the physical pain of the transformation.

But the efforts to end my cursed existence were fruitless. No matter what method I tried, even though each successive attempt grew in violence and brutality, I could not complete the task. Only at my lowest point – charred, lonely, thirsty for sustenance – did I find salvation in the blood of an animal and my own mission to save others. Give life, not take.

But humans are so fragile, they often succeed in ending their life before they get the second chance. Before they can heal and go on to discover and fulfill their destiny.

I was given a second chance and look at what I have accomplished. How many lives have I saved? What would have become of those patients had I not been there when they needed an experienced physician?

I looked at Esme's bloody, dying form. How much has this world lost out on due to young people taking their lives? What contributions would they have made?

Then I thought of Edward. His death would have been such a waste. I know he will have much to offer this world. He will do good deeds. He will make a difference in someone's life. I was sure of that.

Esme. So young, so beautiful. What would she have to offer this world? Whose life would have been changed by her presence? I was saddened knowing her future would not be.

Something boiled inside of me, rolling with steeled me and I felt resolve growing from deep inside. I was not going to let her leave this world. God would not judge her by this final desperate act. She would fulfill her destiny.

My decision was made. Esme was going to get the second chance I had received. The second chance Edward had also received.

But for the details…

Glancing at the medic, I made a show of checking Esme's wrist for a pulse. By the grace of God, it was there I found a tattered hospital band. _Thank you, Lord_, I thought. I now had a place to start my investigation. She had a hospital medical record.

"Can I use that stethoscope?" I asked the medic as I met his eyes.

He handed it to me and I pressed it to her chest.

"Nothing," I shook my head and frowned for effect. "She's gone," I spoke the words flatly.

"You pronouncing her, doc?" the medic asked, knowing only a physician can declare someone dead.

"Yes, time of death 2332. Take her directly to the hospital morgue. I will complete all the paperwork."

The medic slid open the small window allowing him access to the driver. He instructed him to pull up to the morgue – the victim was dead. The sirens were shut off.

I covered Esme completely with a sheet as we finally arrived at the hospital.

The medics unloaded the gurney and rolled it into the morgue as I followed behind. Her breathing was so shallow, they would not detect it with their human eyesight. I took all her paperwork from them, knowing I would have to eliminate any paper trail. As I thanked them, I saw they were happy to be relieved of this call. They quickly moved her to one of the morgue tables and hurried back to their vehicle.

My plan was going without a hitch so far. I turned back to Esme with racing thoughts. Her heart was starting to fail, falling into fibrillation. There was too little blood remaining to perfuse her body. I ripped the sheet back from her face and whispered into her ear…

"Esme, you hold on. Fight a little longer…."

To my surprise, her eyes fluttered. For a moment those eyes, so blue, focused on my face. I saw a shock of recognition ripple in them. She remembered my face! To her, I would have looked no different than I did when I treated her a decade ago. Her brow furrowed.

"Angel," she murmured before closing her eyes again. She was letting go. Slipping away rapidly now…

With no more time to waste, I leaned in toward her neck. The arteries were weakly bounding under her smooth skin. As I closed in, I caught her scent. So sweet and fresh. The venom flowed in my mouth. I felt my pupils dilate…

_Wait! Wait!_

Can I do this? I began to question my control. I remembered how powerful the taste of Edward's blood had been. This time I was intoxicated by Esme's scent alone! What would happen when I tasted her blood?

I swallowed hard, my resolve wavering. All the years I had kept the monster caged, could this be my undoing?

Closing my eyes, I prayed for strength. I pictured her pure lovely face in my mind. _Please, please, let me be able to stop_….

There was no time for deliberation. Whether I was able to stop or not, Esme's heart would not continue much longer.

I stopped breathing to help me in my task. Almost hesitantly, slowly and gently, I bit into the soft, succulent flesh of her neck. Her body stiffened in response, but she didn't make a sound. I quickly pulled back and swallowed.

The essence of her sweeter than her scent and I indulged in licking my lips.

My eyes took in mangled extremities. Could venom heal these wounds? An idea bolted to my mind. I quickly untied and removed the tourniquets. Delivering the venom as close to the wounds would allow it to work quicker.

But this was going to take extra strength. Again I quit breathing and closed my eyes.

I bit down into her left thigh. My teeth pierced her flesh like it was made of fresh butter. Very sweet, delicious butter…

I was burning with the rush of her blood in my throat. _Oh, God, please…._

I leaned further over her body and drove my teeth into her right thigh. I never knew it was possible to feel such pain and pleasure at the same time. A very curious sensation…

But I had no time to contemplate my new feelings, desires. Having delivered the 'life-saving' venom, I quickly wrapped Esme's wounds in clean gauze. Then I secured her in the bloody sheets that surrounded her body. I lifted her carefully in my arms. The way her body easily conformed in my arms confirmed my other concern: her spine was broken.

I stole out of the morgue into the night with Esme held close. I would head for the cover of the woods to make my speedy journey home. _I hope Edward is in the mood for company_, I thought dryly.

My family was about to get bigger.

That is if Esme would decide to stay. I hoped she would.

But first there will be a lot to explain…to Edward and to Esme. Saving her had been the easy part, convincing her to _live_ would be harder.

* * *

A/N: I just love Carlilse, though he is not perfect, he's damn close!

The gift of your review would make me very happy!

*Quote from the novel _The Plague by _Albert Camus, published in 1947, tells the story of medical workers finding solidarity in their labor as the Algerian city of Oran is swept by a plague epidemic. It asks a number of questions relating to the nature of destiny and the human condition. The novel is believed to be based on the cholera epidemic that killed a large percentage of Oran's population in 1849 following French colonization, but the novel is placed in the 1940s.


	6. Transformation

_SM owns_

**Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began**

* * *

**Transformation**

**May 9**

**Day 1**

EPOV

It's over. Done.

I had heard stories about near death experiences. People described things like floating above their body, a tunnel and a bright light. A deep feeling of welcoming peace.

But even in death, things just weren't going right for me. No floating, no light, no sensation of peace. Just a black void. I could not feel my body or sense anything around me, only vague somewhat cohesive thoughts in my mind. Was this all there was to death – _nothingness_?

I wasn't sure when I began having coherent thoughts. For a while there were just flashes of moments, like snapshots. I remembered falling into darkness and brief, but overwhelming, pain. Then sounds: crashing water, people screaming, sirens, voices surrounding me. I now grasped at those bits and pieces and tried to fit them together. In that instant, I remembered a voice. A very specific voice. It was soothing, almost angelic. It had spoken my name. My name had never sounded so beautiful! A sense of calm washed over me. In that moment of peace and hope for salvation, I had a vision.

I saw him again – my guardian angel. So heavenly and beautiful, just as I had remembered him. I always knew he would come for me. I felt something that had been absent in my life for so long, something I had long given up: hope. I clung to it and I let go of this world, praying God would allow me an eternity with the angel at my side. My last wish.

But just as I began to embrace my death, something went dreadfully wrong. Pain returned. And it was growing, spreading through my body like an infection. My mind finally put a label on it: fire. I was burning. The flames consumed me as they moved down my neck, branching off to my arms and continuing down my back. But here they paused, leaving me to slowly roast in their merciless grip.

Reality of it hit me like a stinging slap in the face: _**I was in hell.**_

I had intentionally taken my life and my punishment for this deed was swift. God had granted me a brief glimpse of the heaven that could have been mine—an eternity with my angel. But in committing the ultimate sin, I had lost it all.

My mind grasped another label: fear. Was I to feel my body burn slowly, eternally while my mind replayed the vision of the angel I had forsaken? Yes, hell was in every sense, agony.

The fire slowly resumed its blazing course down my back and to my legs. I could feel my whole body twisting, but I was still blind, deaf and mute. I longed to cry out. I wanted to beg for mercy. Please God, please, make it stop!

**May 10**

**Day 2**

CPOV

It was incredible and horrifying at the same time. The healing power of venom amazed me as I watched Esme's transformation. I could _hear_ her spine mending! Yet with that came the realization the reconnection of her nerves would allow sensations of pain to travel to her lower body. All of her would be consumed with the fire of war between life and death. I knew death would win. And in death, she would find immortality. All I could do was pray the morphine I administered would dull some of the pain. I wanted to make this transition easier for her than it was for Edward. But administering medication before her change was nothing more than an experiment on a hapless victim by a desperate doctor. I tried to assuage my guilt through observation: since she was not writhing in pain, my attempt had worked.

I spoke to Esme calming tones. I tried to explain. Explain what was happening to her. Why I did this to her. But my excuses often trailed off into incoherent words. I was so convinced and set in my course of action yesterday, but now I questioned my motives. I believed I was changing Esme for her own good. Hell, I even was convinced I did it for the benefit of this world. How _grand_ of me. I even considered that I did this for Edward. After losing his mother, he must miss the nurturing and love only a woman can provide. But after gazing on her lovely face, so quiet and innocent, I was faced with what I had tried to deny: Had I done it for my own benefit? Did I remember her scent so well because it had called to me all those years ago? Could there be a greater meaning to us finding each other again in this tiny community? Could there possible be more to this than coincidence?

Or was I greedy, still grasping in the dark at the void I still felt inside my soul. What was I still missing? Once Edward came into my life, I knew I felt love for him. For the first time in my existence, I felt love. It was a wonderful feeling. Yet, it makes you do and say things you'd never even thought of before. To want someone's happiness more than your own both freed me and held me captive. It defies logic.

But at the same time, I finally felt I understood the reactions of my patients' loved ones. I had truly developed empathy. I could comprehend their feelings of elation at good news and emotional devastation with bad news. I'd seen men and women weep so bitterly for their dying spouse. To me this reaction seemed illogical. Did they not realize this was inevitable? Human life is fragile and ultimately finite. But still they cry, even after a whole lifetime together. But now I can conclude that true love must grow and change throughout its course. It appears to sustain the couple who share it.

Yes, love was a powerful emotion. More powerful than hate, envy, desire or lust. Love becomes everything.

After all this time, could I ever hope to find such a love? Had I proven myself worthy of something so good?

"Yes, of course, Carlisle."

I hadn't sensed Edward's appearance in the small bedroom and his words startled me. For the first time in hours, I took my eyes off of Esme's still form. I allowed them to close tightly; "_thank you, my son"_ was my wordless reply.

Edward had been keeping his distance. My woeful thoughts were undoubtedly grating on his nerves.

He spoke again, "I have decided consoling you will have no effect. Therefore, I shall appeal to your sense of logic. You implicitly trust the decisions you make as a physician. Why can't you trust in yourself as a person? The choices made with the heart can often be just as legitimate as the choices made in the mind."

"Edward, maybe you should consider a career in philosophy! Thank you for your kind words. I know beating myself up over this is not the answer. I just hope I will be able to make it right."

"Carlisle, look!" Edward gasped and pointed.

I snapped my attention to where Edward was pointing. Before my eyes I watch Esme's leg bones mend themselves. The muscles, ligaments, tendons and vessels silently weaved together around the mended bones. Slowly her skin closed over the miracle I had just witnessed.

**May 11**

**Day 3**

EPOV

Voices. I can hear them now. Very near, but unclear. What are they saying? After what endless incinerating, I held little hope the voices were benevolent. Were they here to pass judgment? To persecute me further? Could I find my voice and reason with them? _Please! Please!_ I willed myself to speak_. I am sorry! Forgive my transgressions…_

I wanted to truly feel repentant, but in honestly I was desperate for the pain to stop.

I was weeping now in the darkness. The voices abruptly stopped, but I sense someone was still present.

_Reach out to them! _I thought as my sluggish mind formed the plan. My brain worked to put the plan into action. I felt my fingers flex.

At first I relished the fact I had begun to move my body. My head, arms, legs, and toes soon followed suit. But then I came to realize the uncontrolled, uncoordinated writing motion of my body only augmented the burning. I continued to call out. Sometimes my calls seemed to make the voices respond. But I could not understand them.

Though my mind was working more clearly and efficiently at forming ideas, I found this too only added to my agony. I had so many questions. What was to become of me? Was time passing? Who or what was present here with me?

But none of my thoughts could distract me from my pain; it just seemed there was more room in my head to ponder more things simultaneously. Eventually I discovered another part of me that waited silently, warily anticipating. A part of me was curious. And part was cautious, defensive, almost primal…

A sudden pounding caught all of my attention. The sound boomed like the beating of a hundred hearts in my chest. It grew in size and echoed off `my ribs, pulling the flames to it – devouring them for its source of energy.

"Esme, it's almost over. Your pain will end soon. I am here with you. Do not be afraid."

I heard the words clearly. My guardian angel - still here through all my pain and suffering? Watching over me…

Then I _felt_ it. Something cold touched my face. Softly, almost like a caress, it swept across my forehead and down my cheek. I knew I was being comforted.

All was still.

Quiet.

Painless.

My eyes flew open.

In that instant, I knew nothing was the same. Mostly because nothing _looked_ the same. Though my surroundings were not familiar, that was not what attracted my attention. My eyes first focused on the light streaming in from a small window across the room. It was sunlight like I'd never seen before. I could see the whole spectrum of color in the beams of light. I saw them _all_: red, orange, yellow, blue, green, indigo (a beautiful color I had never seen before!) and violet. As part of my brain processed the mesmerizing sight, it seemed another part was processing every detail of the room simultaneously. All the sounds, smells and sights poured in at once.

Then I reacted.

In a flash, I can't conceive how, I was crouched in the corner of the room facing what my mind told me was a potential threat – the other being in the room. Red clouded my vision and I felt my muscles tense with anticipation. I functioned on instincts alone.

What I recognized next stunned _and_ scared me. _It was my angel!_ Sitting across the room! Here with me! He sat perfectly still with a mixture of emotions in his golden eyes. I saw fear, curiosity and….compassion.

But what was he doing in my hell? And why didn't he help me when I called out? Things did not add up. I needed answers.

"Where am I?" I asked hesitantly as I pressed my back into the wall behind me.

This was definitely the most important question: _If it wasn't hell, I could deal with anything else!_

"Esme,"

_Oh! He spoke my name again!_

"I know this is all very disorienting. Please, let me explain."

He spoke calmly and raised his hands up in a type of surrendering motion. He stood and approached me slowly. He appeared…afraid. Of me? No one has ever been afraid of me. Why would he be afraid?

"Are you an angel?" I blurted out. It felt silly to say, but after what I had just experienced, I was convinced anything was possible.

To my surprise he laughed. It was a pleasing sound, but it frustrated me none the less.

"No, actually, quite the opposite. But I mean you no harm." Then his eyes narrowed. "Esme, do you remember me?"

"You're the angel, umm…doctor…who mended my broken leg when I fell out of the tree. I never forgot your face. But I don't understand - why are you here now?"

"Yes, well, that will take a bit of explaining. Will you sit with me?"

He gestured to a couch that sat in front of another window. This window was covered by thick curtains. I sensed my answers were coming, so I tried to be patient, but I felt edgy and my throat was so dry it burned like a desert.

We sat on opposite ends of the couch.

He turned to face me and said in his beautiful voice, "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. And yes, I am the doctor that treated you ten years ago in Columbus."

He took a deep breath, paused, and then continued…

"I don't know what series of events brought us both to this small town at this time, but I am convinced I was meant to save your life."

"Save me?" I questioned.

"I know your memories are going to seem foggy, but what is the last thing you remember happening before you woke here?"

I had to think about that. Time, events, reality - they all seemed like a tangled ball of string. I sought in my mind to untie the knots and put things in some sense of order. I stared off unseeingly, searching. Finally, I decided to just describe what came to mind no matter how jumbled it sounded…

"Darkness. The sound of water. Feeling hopeless. I….I stepped into nothingness…" my words trailed off.

"Esme, I think you meant to die that night."

"Yes." I knew it was true, but I didn't know how or why.

He softly asked, "Do you remember why you wanted to die?"

"I hurt so badly."

"How do you feel now?"

My eyes quickly moved to examine his. I would find the truth in them.

"Dr. Cullen, am I dead?"

He shook his head, as if he were recalling something painful.

"I was there when they found you at the bottom of a cliff. Your body was very broken and you were dying. I remembered you as a child and something in me just couldn't bear to let you go. I saved you the only way I knew how. But I am not sure you will approve of my actions…."

He looked away. _This was not helping_! None of my questions had been answered. And now I had more of them to ask…

"I don't understand. If I am not dead, how long have I been unconscious?"

"Three days," he said flatly.

"Three days? But you said I was badly hurt - I see no injuries!" As if for effect, I moved my extremities and examined my body for damage. "I do remember burning pain…. What _did_ you do to save me? It appears to be some sort of miracle! Tell me everything!"

I tried to keep my growing irritation in check, but I was tired of this game of question and answer. I could feel anger boiling just below the surface. It was a wild, out of control-type of anger that was searching for an escape. Only my complete bewilderment was over-riding the anger…for now.

Dr. Cullen looked at me with those liquid gold eyes; they seemed to be pleading for my understanding. I tried to focus on them to maintain composure.

"Esme," he said, and then slid slightly closer to me. He gently took my hand in his. Wordlessly, he placed my hand over my heart.

"What do you feel?" he asked.

At first I didn't comprehend. My eyes narrowed as I tried to grasp what it was he wanted me to know. Then shock – I had no heart beat! I knew my reaction should have been panic, but the rush of feelings just didn't come. Instead my mind churned out multiple theories and hypotheses at once. My only response was to look at Dr. Cullen with wide eyes.

"Have you noticed you are not breathing either?" His voice more matter-of-fact than concerned.

Another blow. My furiously working mind came up with nothing. No reasonable explanation.

"_What am I_?" I breathed the words out slowly. "This body, this mind – they feel foreign to me. Even my voice does not seem my own…."

Wordlessly, he reached behind me and opened the curtains covering the window. The sunlight poured in. What I saw took my non-existent breath away.

He was as dazzling as a million stars in a pitch black sky! It was eerily breathtaking.

Once he saw my silent shock turn to wonder, he reached for me again. This time he took my wrist in his hand. I looked deeper into his eyes – what would he reveal now? He placed my hand gently on his cheek. And I had my answer. My hand matched the brilliance of his face. Whatever I was, he was too. We were the same.

This oddly came as a relief. I knew, somehow, he was good. He had been my angel for so long. What I had clung to in my most desperate moments. Trusting him was just something I_ knew_. So, if we were, indeed the same, this must be a _good thing_. Out loud I summed up what I knew:

"I am not dead. Yet, without a heartbeat and breathing, how am I alive? And, why haven't you changed since I met you 10 years ago?"

With this he stood up, "Can I show you something?"

I wasn't sure how much more new information I could handle. But Dr. Cullen appeared to like demonstration over explanation. I nodded and stood also. I followed him to the other side of the room to where a large mirror stood. It was old, framed in a rich dark oak.

Dr. Cullen guided me in front of it. What I saw caused me to jump backward in fright. What kind of mirror was this? Whose reflection was staring back at me with wide eyes!

Dr. Cullen responded as if he heard my startled thoughts.

"Esme, it's the new you. If I may be so bold, I think you are breathtaking."

I pondered his words as I studied _my_ reflection. Although my slender legs and feet were bare, I wore a simple pale pink flowing dress that hung gracefully to my knees. My hair, once a mousey brown, was now a brilliant caramel color and fell in waves around my pale face. My skin was fair and flawless, much like Dr. Cullen's.

I had never paid much attention to my looks. In fact, I took on a tomboy persona as a young girl. I knew, at best, I was average looking. But now – I looked like a movie star! I couldn't help but smile. My teeth were incredibly white and perfect. And, yes, I still had my dimples! Icing on the cake.

Then I stifled a scream.

"My eyes! They are blood red! Dr. Cullen what..."

He had been standing behind me observing my reaction in the mirror. Now he took me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him. His eyes met mine. I noticed they were _not_ the same as mine.

"Please, call me Carlisle." His gentle mannerisms distracted me from my alarm. _Why was his smile so disarming?_

He continued, "The red color is coming from your blood. Your _human_ blood."

I didn't like the way his voice emphasized the word 'human'. And, damn, why was my throat burning so badly? It grated on my nerves and my muddled my focus.

"Tell her, Carlisle."

I heard the voice seconds before I detected a new scent in the air. Instinct again sent me into a crouch. A hiss escaped my lips as a young man entered the room. He noted my posture, but responded in a calm, nonchalant fashion. His skin glistened as he walked into the room and past the window toward where Carlisle and I stood.

"I'm Edward, Carlisle's adopted son."

I relaxed my stance and then re-focused, "Tell me what, Carlisle?" My eyes moved from Edward to Carlisle.

_Edward, don't you think she has had enough shock for one day? I want her to embrace the beautiful things of her new existence before I have to tell her what I have made her…_

Edward spoke again, "She's a newborn, Carlisle! How long do you think she can maintain this control? She needs to hunt."

_Edward, please, let me handle this…_

When no one spoke, the anger that had been threatening just under the surface now erupted.

"Tell me now!" I yelled as I grabbed the unfortunate mirror that still stood before me and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with such force it shattered with a loud crack. Shards of glass and splintered wood flew everywhere, some of which ricocheted off my body – leaving not one scratch!

The shock of my utter loss of control was tempered by amazement at my lack of injury and demonstration of strength. I tried to funnel my power into my voice.

"No more secrets, Carlisle. What am I? A newborn _what_?"

His eyes grew darker and they had the look of dread I saw earlier.

"Esme, you are like me. Like Edward, too. You possess incredible strength and speed. You have augmented senses and mental capabilities. But when I saved you from death, I also condemned you to an eternity of it. Esme…you are a vampire.


	7. Secrets

_SM owns_

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Secrets**

At first I let out a laugh. It sounded more like a bark, actually. It was one of those bursts of laughter that springs out of your mouth when you know it's the last thing you should do. A stress response. Two sets of eyes just observed me, seemingly waiting for more...

"A vampire?" I didn't try to conceal the sarcasm in my voice. I was starting to believe I was part of some sick rouse. "Those hideous creatures that have pointy fangs, sleep in coffins, and drink blood?"

"Well, you got one of those right," Edward smirked as he leaned casually against the doorway.

_Stop it, Edward! Try to remember how you felt when I gave you this news! Please let me handle this._

Edward suddenly left the room as if he was just dismissed. I looked back at Carlisle, who was now rubbing his forehead like he had a really bad headache. I knew he was trying to choose his next words carefully...

"Esme, what does your body crave right now?"

"I need to stop this insane burning in my throat! I need something to drink!" Frustration filled my voice.

"Edward is right. You need to hunt. It's the only thing that will satisfy the burning and craving."

"I'm sorry Carlisle, but I was open -minded to all that you have told and shown me so far. But vampire? Hunt? Hunt what? You want _me _to _kill _something… or someone?" My voice was incredulous.

"I will help you with this transition, I promise. Just like I helped Edward. I won't let you hurt anyone. Come with me out to woods. Your instincts will take over and it will be clearer to you then. Once you have hunted, we can talk more."

CPOV

It shouldn't have surprised me, but Esme made her first kill shortly after she caught the scent of blood. There is no denying the true nature of a vampire while in the newborn stage. I would know. Although stunned by her behavior, her thirst was quenched, and I could reason with her a little better.

We lingered in the woods while I told Esme _my_ transition story. Her eyes filled with sympathy when she learned that I had struggled through it alone. I also shared the truth about my attempts at suicide. But I didn't push her in regards to her history. I would let her keep her secrets. Some trauma was hidden there and her mind was protecting her from those memories. At least for now.

So we discussed my past. She was fascinated with the history I have witnessed. We walked and talked for hours, hunting when a scent caught her attention.

It was flattering to have someone so interested in what I had seen and done. I did enjoy it very much. Just being me.

"When will I get tired?" she finally asked innocently.

"Oh, that's another perk—or curse—not sure on that one," I smiled at her. It seemed to help her relax when I did that. "We don't need to sleep. Think of all the time you will have to develop new hobbies!" It was my lame attempt at making light of the extremely strange situation she had been thrust into.

"Yes, it seems there is much to learn. But as you said, I have an eternity, right?" Her voice was shaky and I could tell the smile she wore was tenuous. She did it for my benefit. I wondered what I had done to win her trust so quickly.

The next day I began to map out for her how she would mature from a newborn. I thought if she had an understanding of the process, she could set realistic expectations of her behavior. I was thankful our home was secluded since the plan included keeping Esme away from humans for as long as possible. I just worried she would feel like a prisoner. We would hunt as often as we could in hopes of hastening her maturity.

Esme shared that she feared her newborn instincts and the powers she possessed that would enable her to act on them. This fear kept her close to Edward and me, trusting that I would never let her hurt anyone. After several days, I was confident enough in Esme's attachment to us to return to my job at the hospital.

Edward was more than happy to take it upon himself to "train" Esme in the proper use of her skills. He outlined to me the activities he had planned once I returned to work: tracking, running, climbing, hunting big game, and various other tasks that included utter destruction. It was like I had found him a playmate! At least he was engaged in something now that school was out for the summer…

For the time being, I kept Edward's gift a secret from Esme. While I did not like keeping secrets, I knew Edward's access to her thoughts provided another layer of protection to those mortals around us. Since turnabout is fair play, I asked Edward not to share with me any of Esme's thoughts unless they posed a danger to someone.

Yet, I had one more secret. I was determined to secure Esme's medical record as soon as I returned to the hospital. Not only did I wish to learn what I could of her past, but I also needed to erase any evidence of her whereabouts. It was only a matter of time before someone came looking for her.

I had remained with her every moment for the last two weeks. Now it was time I got back to work. But I found I was not looking forward to returning as much as I thought I would. I was jealous of the time Edward would be able to spend with Esme….

Once I returned to the hospital, I made a cursory stop at my supervisor's office. I made vague reference to an acute illness that had kept me away from work. After that I stole down to the medical records room. Remembering the last name on her medical band from the night I found her, I made quick work of locating her record. Without leaving documentation of its retrieval, I headed back to my office.

I read her chart like an avid fan of a favorite novel. Much of the information was of minor detail – war widow, only one emergency contact in Milwaukee, and an address that indicated she was living in a cabin not far from the hospital. I knew the area well. The cabins there were usually only occupied by sportsmen. It didn't add up. What brought her here from her family home in Columbus, pregnant no less, to live in a cabin in the middle of the woods?

I finally moved from her intake notes to the medical notes. One part of Esme's story became clear. The source of her overwhelming grief – she had lost her son shortly after birth. I paused in my reading and bowed my head to grieve for her and her child.

A copy of the baby's death certificate was in the record, but not the release for the baby's body. Realization dawned on me: the child was still here at the hospital. Another clue of Esme's trail that I would need to erase. I contacted the morgue regarding release of the child. I would end my shift early today.

Most of my day was spent methodically obliterating Esme's human traces in Ashland. But in another part of my mind I knew what I eventually would have to deal with. While Esme's broken body proved easy to fix, I knew her mental health would not be so simple to repair. She was still suffering from emotional shock. She had, for the moment, blocked her human memories. I was familiar with this phenomenon of the mind as I had treated numerous soldiers returning from various wars. They would shove the horrifying memories away, but once something triggered them, it was like the person experienced them all over again. An emotional tailspin would follow. I wondered what would be Esme's trigger. When might it happen? How could I prepare for this? I wanted to protect her from any more pain. Even as a newborn she seemed so fragile and vulnerable. So sweet and soft like a rose – the scent that surrounded her.

Once I returned home, I packed her medical record along with all her belongings from the cabin, in a sturdy trunk in my bedroom closet. Which of her personal belonging would she cling to with pleasant memories and which would bring her pain? I didn't know, so I kept them all.

The weeks went by quickly. At first I was surprised by Esme's acceptance of her new life. She seemed almost grateful to be with Edward and me. She appeared content. But when I allowed myself to think of her past, it actually made sense: She had already said goodbye to her human world the night she stepped off that cliff.

Slowly our home began to reflect Esme's affection. Wildflower arrangements adorned the tables. Other items made from materials from the forest decorated the walls. I even noticed a shift in the relationship between her and Edward. It was subtle, a slow, easy change in roles. While Edward had once taken the lead in Esme's day to day activities, he now often asked her advice and sought her guidance. One night while I read in my study, I eavesdropped on their conversation. The honesty with which Edward spoke surprised me. I guess he had secrets too.

"Esme, do you ever question this 'vegetarian' life?" Edward asked.

"What do you mean? Question whether we should hunt human prey instead?"

"Yes, I think there is a way to not deny our true nature and provide a service to this world."

"Edward, I do not understand. How could killing provide a service? Whose life is expendable?"

"Those who do not value life. Those who prey on children and women. Cowards and perverts who calculate their crimes and feel no remorse. They forfeit their rights, do they not?" Edward said confidently.

"You're thinking of becoming a vigilante?" Esme questioned.

"A protector of the innocent," was Edward's quick response.

"So, at the young age of 17, you are prepared with the wisdom to be prosecutor, judge and jury? Do you think things are so black and white?"

"A crime is a crime. It should be punished…an eye for an eye," came Edward's response.

"What if the guilty repent? What if the victim is willing to forgive? Is the answer so clear then? I see you are familiar with the Old Testament's view of punishment, but what of the New Testament's words of forgiveness and turn the other cheek? My belief if that we have been put on this Earth to love and care for each other. Our reward on Earth is peace in our hearts and after this life, our reward is heaven," Esme spoke eloquently.

"God, heaven, divine justice. What evidence is there of these? I saw people, good people like my parents, dying. For what reason? Where was God then?" Emotion filled Edward's voice.

"It is hard to believe in something we cannot see. To believe that there is something greater than us. But look at the living things around you. So perfect in design! Can you really believe life is random and chaotic? That we just exist with no greater plan? God does have a plan; we are just unable to comprehend it. It's too vast. But all things happen for a reason, Edward. Are you prepared to play God? Is that the meaning of your life?"

"Okay, Esme," said Edward undeterred, "What is the meaning of life?"

Esme didn't hesitate, "Love."

Edward was not done with his challenge, "And what of anger, hate and jealousy?"

"They are just love that has been disappointed. These emotions exist if not for love. If someone didn't _care_ in the first place."

I smiled to myself. Esme may be as beautiful as a rose, but she could spar quite well with an ambitious teen. She was a good Christian woman. And quite feisty!

"Carlisle is amused," Edward let slip.

"What? Carlisle is in his study. I heard only the rustle of pages in a book. Explain, Edward…"

_Cat's out of the bag now, Edward. May as well fess up. Now you will know a woman's wrath…_

"Um, Esme," Edward hedged. "Some vampires have extra abilities. We call them 'gifts'. It seems I have a gift, the gift of reading thoughts." He paused to let that sink in and then quickly added, "Hiding that fact from you was Carlisle's idea."

_You are an even deader man, Edward!_

In a flash I bolted to the living room and tackled Edward where he sat on the couch across the room from Esme. The impact broke the piece of furniture in half with a loud snap of wood and the metallic sound of springs. Edward and I were dumped on the flood and our momentum carried us into the wall. The house shuttered with force of the impact.

"Boys, boys, behave!" Esme hollered over the ruckus, but her face glowed with joy as she laughed.

The moment had an almost a magical feel. And I think every one of us felt it. It seemed…normal. It seemed like _family_. The way Edward smiled confirmed my thoughts. Silence filled the room for a brief time, and then we all laughed at once.

_End Notes: Hope you enjoyed learning a little more about C&E: their beliefs and values and what they may be looking for in their life. Oh, and hints to Edward's later decision to leave the family (which is a whole story in itself!)._

_Please leave a comment/review!_


	8. The Chase

SM owns.

**Chapter 8: The Chase**

EsPOV

Although induction into this existence was not something I would have chosen, it did seem to fulfill me somehow. I felt like I fit in. Belonged. This was extremely odd considering I was a single woman living with two equally singe men! And even after all these months, I was technically, still a stranger in their home. It was a strange dichotomy.

But I had so much to be taught about this life, finding my own proper living quarters was currently out of the question. My learning curve was steep; thank God my mind had a new found capacity for learning.

I came to understand we were defined as a _coven_ and Carlisle had explained to me that we were unique in our choice of lifestyle. Not only in our "vegetarian" diet, but in the way we valued life, learning, and change. Change was something Carlisle had said doesn't come easy for vampires.

What it boiled down to: we were three misfits among the feared just looking for a life and place of our own. I often wondered...could this coven become a family?

There also was something else Carlisle drilled into me: discretion. Even as near indestructible beings, there were those we should have a healthy (read "smart") fear of. The Volturi were a dictatorship of sorts who made the vampire rules and enforced them as they saw fit. Although I did not like to think of myself as too weak to control my own actions, bloodlust was something I needed to consider.

Therefore, my daily life had been strictly structured since Carlisle said I was a danger to humans. I passed most of my time indoors when Carlisle and Edward were away. I read, sewed, and began chronicling the changes I experienced within my own body and mind. But without the benefit of sleep, time seemed to drag. And it made me very, very restless. I feared that part of me that ached to break away, to run freely and hunt when I felt the urge - it was difficult to control.

But now that I had finally reached the ripe age of six months, Carlisle felt I was ready to take the next step. After hunting, he began taking me to town for brief "desensitizing sessions" as he referred to them. It was a slow, often agonizing process, of allowing me to become accustom to the scent and presence of people - _without_ acting on my instincts.

At first, we would walk through the woods surrounding the local park. The wind would carry the scent of people walking or playing at the park. Carlisle always held my hand firmly, reining me in and giving it a squeeze when the scents were particularly strong - or sweet.

Once I felt I had mastered my control at this stimulus, we began to actually walking through the park. Though we only did this when darkness blanketed the park, and young ones were home safely tucked in their beds.

He was a good teacher, always giving me reassurance and praise when the session ended. I was a good student as I was always eager to please him. My reward: his glorious smile.

Eventually, the trips progressed to a drive down Main Street on the weekends, a bustling time for this small town.

After few months of steady progress and no "incidents", Carlisle decided it was time for a _real _trip to town - a _walk_ down Main Street.

My success gave me a new found confidence and hope I would soon be able to move about on my own, without a vampire chaperone - or babysitter.

These trips soon became almost a daily routine. We would walk down the streets just after twilight. The weather was cold now and I think the fact that the town folk were bundled up may have also helped me maintain control. But I kept that observation to myself...it was nice to think I was beginning to master my instincts and control. I looked forward to rejoining society very soon, and as our ventures into town continued, we upped the ante. Sometimes we would take in a concert or a movie show.

An unexpected side effect of these trips caught me by surprise. I began to notice knowing little smiles and nods from the people we passed in town. I knew it was a small town and faces became familiar quite quickly, but there was something more in their smiles than just a friendly "hello". One evening I thought to mention it to Carlisle - once I had worked up a bit of courage.

"I think people think we are a couple."

"What do you think of that?" He seemed unfazed by my comment and continued to look ahead as we walked the now dark street. But I swore I saw a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

"Well, we do have to keep up our human façade. With the amount of time we are now seen together, we better have _some_ proper story..."

"True," he said, "well, it seems the people have come to their own logical conclusion. Maybe we should play along...May I?"

He slipped his hand around mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I sucked in a breath of cold air. At that moment I was so glad Carlisle didn't have Edward's gift! I felt like a little girl experiencing her first crush. I knew I would be blushing if I could do such a thing. And despite this stone-cold body and the frigid temperatures, I felt very warm.

The evening ended too soon, and the car ride back to the house was quite. Something had changed...

However, later that night, as I contemplated the significance of our hand holding as the light of a new day filtered into my room, I became a little unnerved. Edward frequently spoke of Carlisle as his sire and his father. But what was _my _relationship with or to him? Was I to be a daughter, although the thought of that made me laugh as I was technically older... A sister, maybe? A companion? Or something more?

I felt the need to have this question answered sooner than later. My role in this house and this coven-verging-on-family needed to be defined.

I rather hesitantly brought up the subject the next evening while we enjoyed a stroll past the holiday decorations twinkling in the shop windows of Main Street. The thick blanket of snow covering the quaint downtown seemed to absorb all the background noise. It was a very quiet, peaceful night.

"Carlisle, I was wondering..." I spoke in a hushed tone while trying to sound casual. "If you are the father-figure of this motley crew and Edward is the son, what _exactly_ is my role?"

Again, a small smile played across his thin lips, but it was subdued quickly.

"Well, I'd be interested in your perspective on that matter. Edward ultimately chose how he defined our relationship. I would never assume to make that decision for anyone..."

_So diplomatic! How frustrating! Just answer the question, Carlisle! _

He continued, "Besides, I think I have already taken too many liberties. I chose what was to become of your life. A choice that was ultimately not mine to make." Carlisle voice was quiet, almost like he did not want to speak the words out loud. The sounded remorseful.

I stopped mid stride, pulling us to a halt. "Do you regret your decision?"

How else was I to respond to his statement? I thought I had shown my gratitude for a second chance at life! I couldn't imagine _why_ I would have wanted to end my human life, but I did, and now I had a new one. One that made me happy. I didn't want to doubt my new life, and I certainly didn't want Carlisle to wonder if he had made a mistake in bringing me into his world and his life. I was shaken and swallowed hard.

Then I remembered a conversation I had with Edward. We discussed God's plan. Specifically, that everything happens for reason; we just might not know what the reason is. This was the key to my answer. I was now ready to respond to Carlisle, to define my role...

"I believe my role is to be at your side."

"You do?" I could tell my frank response surprised him.

"Yes, well, think about it for a minute. We met many years ago and then went very separate ways. It appeared God would have none of that and arranged things in such a way so that our next meeting would bring us together and bond us in a very unique way to each other. Maybe I am to save your life one day...you know, return the favor... Whatever the reason, it appears we are destined to be together in some fashion."

This took incredible courage to say. And I tried to say it in a matter-of-fact way, not make it sound too sappy or too bold. But I had to admit to myself, I was hoping to get a hint on how he felt...

He took my hand in his.

We walked in silence for some time. It was not uncomfortable though. I knew he was thinking again, measuring his next words.

Finally Carlisle broke the silence, "I have to thank you. You have been an excellent influence on Edward. I have seen a change in him. You seem to bring out a gentler, more thoughtful side of him. I've observed he shares more with you than he does with me."

_I guess we were changing the subject..._

"He is a good person, Carlisle. You are raising him well with good values. But I think he needs something more. Something to feed his soul."

"You've convinced him he has a soul to feed? That's nothing short of a miracle!" Carlisle chuckled.

I smiled too, "Well, no, I haven't gotten that far...yet. But I think I know a good place to start - _music_. I've tried not to think about it while I am around him, but I'd like to surprise him a music book. I've also thought of getting him a phonograph recording of various instruments. Maybe one will spark an interest in him."

Carlisle approved, "Why don't you venture into town tomorrow. I am sure you could find those items at Johnston's Music Shop. I believe it's going to be cloudy and cold tomorrow. Perfect shopping weather."

"On my own? Do you think I'm _ready_?" I spoke with a mixture of fear and excitement. "If I am graduating from newborn status, Edward _is_ definitely going to need a new hobby. He won't have to babysit me anymore!"

"You know, this calls for a celebration! When you are in town, pick out a new dress. Let's go to Duluth and hear the orchestra. What do you think? Think you are up to it?" The excitement in his voice was obvious. He was looking forward to the lightening of the burden I was upon him. But it also gave me a chance to mess with him a bit...

"Dr. Cullen," I let my voice sound coy, "sounds like you are asking me out on a date." I couldn't help but push the envelope just a little further...

"Well, if we are _destined_ to be together, we may as well enjoy ourselves!"

I was starting to wonder if I would ever get a straight answer from this man!

The next morning was cloudy and cold. As I prepared for my solo trip into town, Edward kept flashing little crooked smiles at me.

"So, Carlisle has taught you some of his mind tricks," he said.

"Yes, Edward, you may have figured out I am keeping something from you, but that is all you're going to get out of my head." I stuck my tongue out at him for added emphasis.

"Well, thanks for the review of US state capitals, in alphabetical order no less! Well, you'll slip eventually and I'll hear it," he taunted.

"Wait," I said, Edward had caught me off guard. "How far does your ability go? Can you read me when I'm in town?"

"I've been working on that," he grinned again. "Since your mind is more familiar to me, I can hear it at quite some distance. So tell me, does Carlisle know how you feel about him?"

"Edward! _That_ is none of your business. A lady should be allowed some privacy in her thoughts!" I was so embarrassed. Had he shared any of my thoughts with Carlisle?

"I beg your pardon, Esme. That was rude of me. I just, well, I think he'd be pleased to know how you felt."

He appeared sincere in his apology, and I was relieved to realize Edward had kept my secret.

"Well, I am finding that a bit challenging lately," I stumbled over my words. It didn't feel right talking about t his with Edward. And, I wasn't sure who he would be more loyal to - me or Carlisle - on this issue. Hastily I excused myself from his presence mumbling about my need to prepare for my day of shopping.

I dressed quickly for my solo trip to town, anxious to put some distance between me and Edward's questioning eyes and prying mind. Yet his words gave me much to ponder during my trip into town. Edward said Carlisle would be "pleased' if he knew about my feelings toward him.

Actually I hadn't really defined those feelings myself. To me, we seemed to have all the ingredients for a potential romance. We enjoyed each other's company, had many things in common, and I did miss him when he was away from home. There was also seemed to be a strong physical component - I felt drawn to him. He was so incredibly handsome - and that smile and those eyes... _Snap out of it, Esme! It's probably tied to those stupid vampire instincts!_

But was he experiencing the same feelings I felt growing inside my heart? He seemed very evasive when I dropped hints around the subject. Maybe it was his kind way of discouraging my interest. At this point, I decided I would have to wait and see. I didn't want to be forward.

I arrived downtown eager to shop. Carlisle had left me a sizable amount of money with a note that said 'enjoy'. I decided to not test Edward's radar, and tried to think of the night out with Carlisle instead of my goal at the music store. Luckily, I was able to complete my task there quickly as the store clerk was more than willing to help me with my selections. I think he was actually flirting with me...

As I hustled out of the music store, I started to think more intensely about the dress I would buy. With my newly bestowed beauty, I considered getting something a little more daring than my usual hand-made fare. Maybe _that_ would get a reaction from Carlisle that I could read!

I smiled. It was so good to be independent. I enjoyed the feeling, and wondered if I was an independent woman when I was human. There was so much I didn't remember about my former life. Carlisle said that it was typical to not maintain clear memories of being human. But I couldn't help but think that remembering _nothing_ was not typical. Carlisle simply attributed it to my "accident".

I flitted in and out of the various stores looking for the perfect dress for our "celebration". I held my breath during close encounters with sales people and kept my mind focused on my task. It was a good strategy for maintaining control and appeared to be working.

Working too well, actually, because at some point, I realized I was being followed. I had been hearing the same footfalls and breathing not far behind me for some time.

I was not afraid of being harmed since Edward had thoroughly demonstrated how indestructible I was. What I did fear was the reason I was being followed. Had I slipped up? Did I somehow reveal my true nature? I did a mental review of my activities and my appearance. My eyes had changed and now resembled a cross between red and yellow. Amazingly, they looked like a brown color - an ugly, ruddy brown-but still, not too offensive.

I pictured the Volturi, dark figures moving to strike against me, Carlisle and Edward for revealing "the secret". I had to come up with a plan to diffuse this situation.

Pushing panic aside, I tried to be clear headed and take control as much as I could.

First, I would use my senses to gather what information I could about the stalker. By his stride and footfalls, I could tell he was male, about six foot and medium build. But I could not isolate his scent with all the other people nearby. The stalker was maintaining a fair distance from me, like he was trying to observe me.

When weaving and out of stores didn't shake his pursuit, I came up with a plan of action.

I began walking at a brisker pace toward the end of Main Street. If I could get to a more isolated area of town, I might be able to avoid any kind of conflict in front of witnesses. I would not betray Carlisle's trust. I would not be the cause of Carlisle and Edward's discovery. I would protect them at all costs.

At the end of town were many abandon warehouses. This would be a good location to confront the man following me. But despite the confidence I had in my plan, my mind still hung on the edge of alarm. This situation felt so unfamiliar and yet familiar at the same time. How could that be?

My lips curled and a low growl rumbled in my chest. My panic was becoming overshadowed by an instinct for self-preservation. I turned down a narrow alley between two warehouses hoping this was all a misunderstanding and it would go away.

Suddenly a voice called out to me. It was hard and menacing...familiar.

"You can run Esme, but you cannot hide. No matter where you go, you are still _my_ wife."

* * *

_A/N: Thanks so much for reading. I so do love cliffies! Quick, go to the next chapter (and review!)_


	9. Choices

SM Owns

**Chapter 9: Choices**

EsPOV

I froze in my tracks. The shopping bags I had been gripping so tightly fell to the ground.

I turned to face the person who _knew_ my name. Who called me his _wife_. I stared motionless, forgetting all my human mannerisms, as he approached me so casually, yet with a look of distain.

"I've seen you with that rich doctor. Looks like he made some changes to you, you're quite the looker." He walked around me as if inspecting a new car. "You're so pale - like you're seeing a ghost. Didn't expect to see me again? Did you really think I'd just sit back while you run around like some Jezebel?"

Although my body was still immobile with shock, something started to crumble in my mind. The dam that had been holding back my human memories was beginning to spring leaks. Memories, like water, began to trickle into my consciousness.

At first the images and feelings were vague, but enough to tell me I was not happy to see this man who claimed to be my husband. As if to reinforce my conclusion, my unpredictable instincts kicked in, and I felt my lips begin to curl and a hiss escaped from my mouth. But nothing prepared me for what he said next...

"I hired a private investigator to find you after you ran out on me. On _me_! I gave you everything, Esme! A roof over your head, food on the table, and a warm bed. But that wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to humiliate me. No one does that to me! No one makes me look the fool!"

The familiar stranger was screaming at me now and anger radiated from him so powerfully it was almost palpable. My knees flexed slightly as I prepared for the attack that was sure to ensue.

But then, eerily, he regained control and almost looked...smug. "The PI found the death certificate. Did you not know those were public record? So, tell me, whose baby was it? Mine or some bastard child fathered by your doctor lover?"

I heard nothing past the word _'baby'_. It was the final blow to the disintegrating dam walls. Unleashed by his words, a tidal wave of past memories, emotions, and thoughts broke free. They crippled me as I endured their overwhelming mental assault. Swirling within the cavern of my mind, they played in agonizing detail. It was all there: my family's subtle coercion, a loveless, abusive marriage, fleeing from city to city. Constant loss and fear.

I wondered if vampires could go insane. If the answer was yes, I was definitely accelerating in that direction.

Then I saw his face. My child. I had fought for him. My arms ached with a pain that evoked memories of my transformation. I looked at them - empty. The realization of my lost threatened to drive me to my knees. "Benjamin..." His name was sucked from my lips...

I was startled out of my horrifying daytime nightmare by something striking my left cheek. My eyes refocused on Charles. He was now just inches from me, cradling his right hand.

"You freak!" he hollered, "I think you broke my hand!"

I blinked rapidly. I had been so detached from reality that it took me a second to comprehend what had happened. Then fury began to bubble up from inside me -_ he had hit me! _

The battle began.

The battle for Charles' life that raged in my brain.

One voice beseeched me to remember forgiveness. _Turn the other cheek..._

But the other growled_: Crush him!_

The debate in my mind continued...

_No! Think of who you are inside. _You_ have not changed; you are still kind, compassionate..._

_More like weak, vulnerable. Always the victim. End this now - on _your_ terms._

_You are _not_ a killer. Don't let _him_ make you one! Carlisle. Think of Carlisle - calm, in control, good. Master your instincts! Be like Carlisle._

_**No more running!**_

I shook my head as if I could empty my mind of the combating voices. Red began to creep into my field of vision as Charles hurled obscenities at me. His pent up anger spilling out of control.

"You think you can just leave me? Do you know what I had to endure? It was humiliating. People _pitied me_! You only have yourself to blame for what you have become. You took a vow to honor and obey. Instead you're here with another man and a dead child that bears my last name."

"NO MORE!" I spat out in utter defiance and barely suppressed fury, as uncontrolled trembling overtook my muscles.

My outburst silenced Charles and for the first time I saw _fear_ in his eyes. It brought me a strange sense of...satisfaction. Was this how he felt when _I_ cowered at his rage?

My senses glutted on his reaction and my mind made a decision. Charles was _not_ to be a fortunate man today. The part of me that was good was crushed by the onslaught of newborn aggressiveness and drive for self-preservation. This time I approached him. He shrunk back and I knew my eyes were wild with the need for vengeance; a low growl was rattling deep within my chest.

I felt I was growing in size and would soon tower over this poor excuse for a man. A _human_ man. My anger morphed into bloodlust and the anticipation that it would soon be mine - all of it, mine.

Suddenly, as if they came from someone else, words sprung from my lips -

"You need to leave now. Go! Run!" The voice that resembled my own was full of urgency.

I couldn't believe it! I still was able to show mercy. I could keep the bloodthirsty monster in me at bay. Maybe, _just maybe_, Charles would be a lucky man.

_If he would just heed my warning and go._

But no. Charles stood, defiantly jutting his chin in the air, "You belong to me and I am not leaving without you."

I felt an involuntary smirk pull at the corners of my lips. The monster inside was pleased with his response. It growled, "Then you are not leaving at all."

My control was lost and Charles had forfeited his life.

I grabbed him by the neck and scaled to the flat roof of the nearest warehouse. In fury, I let him dangle over the side of the three-story building.

I held him there with one hand studying the panic in his eyes with a strange curiosity. I was the one in control. I literally held his fate in my hands. Oh, how the tables had been turned!

He could still breathe and I worked hard not to crush the blood vessels in his neck or his windpipe. His fear gave me power. He struggled to free himself, yet clung to my arm to avoid the fatal fall to the concrete below.

I knew I needed to only flex my fingers and then my running from him would be over. _I would be free_.

Or would I?

Was it Charles I would run from or was it the memories he freed that drove me to consider murder?

I paused to consider my next move.

Then I heard him...

"Esme?" His soft, velvet voice floated from behind me.

"Carlisle, don't!" I responded vehemently without looking at him. The aggressor in me knew I'd lose my resolve if I looked into his molten eyes. And I knew I would see disappointment there. I couldn't bear the weight of that too.

"What are you planning to do with him?" Carlisle's voice sounded almost curious.

"I don't know." And I didn't, yet. So I shared with him what I did know.

"Carlisle, this is my husband Charles. He has come to _retrieve_ me."

"Husband?" Carlisle choked on the word.

"I have no plans to go with him. I will not let him control me any longer!" My voice had risen up several octaves, reflecting my anger and hurt.

"You're right. He cannot control you anymore. So show him who you are, Esme. Listen to your heart. Let him go."

The thought brought a smile to my face and I lifted several fingers from his neck. Charles clung more tightly to my outstretched arm.

"Carlisle, I want to be good, like you, but he has brought this upon himself. He hurt me! He hurt my baby! Maybe he should know the desperation I felt as I gazed down at my death."

I tried to think straight, but this rage was making it so difficult. I shook harder, vibrating with emotions I had never experienced before - human or vampire.

Again my baby's precious face was filled my mind and nothing else mattered but my loss...

"I forgot him, Carlisle! I _forgot_ about my baby! What kind of mother does that?"

"I know you're hurting, Esme. But hurting someone else will not heal you nor will it bring Benjamin back. I promise I will help you though this. Don't let your hatred and instincts override your _true_ nature." His voice was so even and warm. Loving and forgiving. Carlisle was pleading for me to make the right choice - and pleading for Charles' life. My fingers flexed against his neck.

"You will live with the choice you make now for a very, very long time, Esme."

He was right, of course, I didn't want this. How could Carlisle know my heart so well so soon?

I pulled Charles from his perilous view and dropped him at my feet. I turned away from him. I didn't like what he had made me become_. I had become a controlling ugly monster like him._

It didn't take long for Charles to compose himself and let his foolish pride prod him into fighting back. As I spun to face his next attack, I saw this time he chose to focused his anger at Carlisle.

"Don't think your smooth talking will excuse you from stealing another man's wife!"

Charles charged at Carlisle with fists raised. However, he did not anticipate Carlisle's lightning quick reflexes. In a blur Carlisle stepped swiftly to the side, out of Charles' line of attack. Unfortunately, Charles' momentum carried him a bit too far. He had expected to crash into Carlisle and was unable to stop his advance in time - he tumbled over the side of the building.

His body made a sickening thud when it struck the solid ground below.

"Don't breathe!" Carlisle bellowed before launching himself off the roof to the ground, landing next to Charles. Running to view the scene below, I saw as Carlisle reached out to the broken man below to check for a pulse.

All I could do was watch. I bit my lower lip in anxious anticipation. I did not fear my bloodlust at this point despite the pool of dark tempting fluid pooling around Charles' motionless head. The only thought in my mind was what outcome did I want? I wanted to be free. Yet the thought of someone dying because of me sent waves of nausea through my body. I turned my back on the scene below. If I could only bundle up all my newly released human memories and shove them back into the black hole they had resided in for so many months. I didn't realize how truly happy I was with my new life until now.

But everything now was different - how could I go back to 'before'? _My future was contaminated by my past_. Nothing with my new family could be the same! I shook with dry sobs as the realization of this truth closed in around me. Trapping me in my past.

I heard Carlisle slowly approaching me from behind. He placed his hands gently on my shoulders and whispered, "It's over. Let's go home."

_Home._

My shaking increased double-fold. I wanted to turn and fling my arms around his neck. I wanted him to protect and care for me. I wanted to go back to what I could feel we were slowly building together.

But I would be fooling myself. I wasn't an innocent young woman falling in love for the first time. I was damaged goods. I was broken, not physically as when Carlisle found me. He wouldn't be able to fix me so easily. Who was I? A wife - now widow. A sister? A daughter? Where did I fit in? With Carlisle and Edward? In Milwaukee? In Dublin? _Alone_?

I had an uncontrollable urge to run. _Just run. Escape._

"I can't go back with you now," I said as I turned to face him. But my eyes could not meet his and my voice caught in my constricting throat.

"Doctor's orders," he replied as he tried to convince me with a smile.

He was so kind. But I was too numb to respond.

"I need to get away from here. Too many painful memories..." I had to escape and speaking was growing quickly impossible.

"Then I will go with you." By Carlisle's tone, I knew he meant it.

"No, I've got to work this through on my own. I'm broken Carlisle. Too much baggage. You deserve better. Just...please..._let me go,_" I begged.

"But I don't want to be without you. Stay, if not for me, for Edward. He needs you."

I grimaced. I didn't want to leave Edward. He had already lost so much in his young life.

But before I could respond, Carlisle spoke.

"I'm sorry. That was a very selfish thing for me to say. You have been making sacrifices for others all your life. I will not ask you to do that for me. I will accept your leaving if you think it's what's best. Just know you can always come back. You can always come _home_."

With Carlisle's concession, I bolted. I leapt from the roof and under the cover of darkness, I ran with all my speed.

I had no destination in mind...

* * *

_End notes: Well, I left you with a major cliffy last chapter and a minor one this time. Sorry if this chap. is short, but I didn't want to leave ya hanging (like Charles, lol). More angst to come..._

_Please don't leave without dropping me a note!_


	10. Homecoming

_All the beautiful characters in Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer_

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Homecoming**

I stood watching Esme disappear into the darkness.

I would let her go. But I felt like part of me left with her.

Charles was dead. There was nothing _any _of my skills could do for him now. I would leave him where he lies. The police could draw their own conclusions – probably suicide.

How ironic.

While I blamed him for Esme's pain, I also had to admit that his actions ultimately brought her into my life.

And then out of my life.

Esme was gone only seconds but I already felt her absence. I had become used to her presence and the void her absence left would be most noticeable at home. I didn't want to return home.

But I had to. I knew Edward would be anxiously waiting. He had contacted me at the hospital when he sensed Esme's despair and murderous thoughts. I knew she was shopping in town and it was a simple matter of following her scent. However, I sure didn't anticipate this sequence of events.

Strange how everything can change so quickly.

At least I wouldn't have to explain the details to Edward. He would pick up my thoughts soon enough.

I leapt off the roof and felt a sudden moment of hope. I picked up on Esme's scent – only to realize it was coming from two shopping bags lying on the ground. I picked them up and examined the contents. The music gift she had been planning to give Edward was in one bag. In the other was the dress she had bought for our celebratory night out – an occasion that would never be. I removed the silky rose-colored dress. She was so lovely in shades of pink. I held the fabric to my face and took in her lingering scent. I would truly miss it.

When I arrived home, Edward was pacing in the main room.

"Carlisle?"

I heard the question in his tone_. I can't explain it. She's in a lot of pain. I had to let her go._

"I am sorry, Edward. I brought home the gift she bought for you today. She was hoping music would be something that would make you happy from within. I know she would want me to give this to you. She truly cared about you, my son."

I handed him the shopping bag from the music store and headed to my study. But before I left, I paused...

"Edward, if you could, I would really like to be alone with my thoughts tonight. Do you mind?"

Edward nodded. I know this problem was out of his realm of experience and he would probably appreciate being let off the hook. He disappeared out the front door without another word.

I slumped in the chair in my study and mentally reviewed the events of the evening. What could I have done different to change the outcome?

I could only question what I had control of -- my actions.

Should I have disclosed to her what was in her medical record? Would that have somehow prepared her for the sudden appearance of her husband? Shame on me for not investigating her past more thoroughly.

Should I have told her about Benjamin? I hung my head -- I was a coward not for not sharing that with her. I was too afraid of the emotional fallout. Would she forgive me for that?

I should have protected her somehow.

Now where would she go? Who would protect her now?

I lowered my head into my hands and raked my fingers through my hair. Not knowing what would happen to her was making me crazy.

* * * *

For the next several days I tried to fill the void by burying myself in my work. I took on double shifts at the hospital. But I was unable to focus at work and the comforts of home were gone.

Her brief presence had changed us. I could tell Edward was struggling too, but in classic adolescent fashion, he kept his thoughts and feelings to himself. He would disappear for long hours but refused to share with me where he went or what he did. Whatever it was he was doing, it was his way of coping, so I let him be. I certainly understood that much.

One night, two weeks and two days after Esme left, Edward approached me in my study.

"You know, that is very distracting."

"What?" I replied. His mind reading often left me several steps behind.

"Well, when you read your medical journals, I often listen in. Some of that medical stuff is actually interesting. But lately, I've been experiencing mental whiplash – your thoughts bounce too quickly."

"I don't understand, Edward"

"One minute I am seeing the latest treatments on wound care and then, well, I see Esme. It's been like that since she left. And quite frankly, it's giving me a headache."

I sighed. So much for appearances. Edward knew I wasn't handling her loss well. I assumed this was his way of bringing up the subject…

"Carlisle, if I may, I think you still haven't admitted the truth yet."

"What truth is that, Edward?" I tried to control my exasperation. I wasn't in the mood for games at the moment.

"You are in love with her," he said in a matter-of-fact way. As if it was such an easy conclusion.

Love? I knew I was comfortable with her presence, I enjoyed the time I spent with her and I truly longed to see her again. But I would feel this way about Edward too if he left. Right?

Edward let out a laugh, "Trust me Carlisle, your thoughts about me and your thoughts about Esme are _very_ different. When you are thinking about me, the tone of your thought is usually concern." Then he started shifting his weight, not something vampires need to do, so he must have been uncomfortable.

"Yes, this is awkward for me to have to explain your thoughts to you, but here goes… the tone of your thoughts about Esme are more, um, _romantic_. I find my head filled with visions of Esme's caramel hair, how you feel when she says your name, how you like to watch her walk…"

"O.k.! O.k.! I certainly get your point." I needed to stop his description of my thoughts quickly before I heard something I didn't want to hear out of his teenage mouth.

Then the shock of his words set in. For all my logic and knowledge, I still failed to grasp the obvious sometimes. I _was_ falling in love.

"So," he pressed, "what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do? I don't know where to find her and I don't want to force her into staying here for me -- despite how I feel."

"But, Carlisle, don't you see, she didn't have _all_ the information she needed to make a decision. Maybe if she knew how you felt, she would have decided to stay. Maybe…maybe she feels the same way you do…"

It took me a moment, but I finally read between the lines. Edward was trying to honor his promise to keep Esme's thoughts private, but at the same time, he was trying to help me.

"Esme was falling in love with _me_?" I spoke the words out loud to make them real.

I looked at Edward with wide eyes. "You are wise beyond your years. Maybe you should consider a career in matchmaking."

"I don't think so, Carlisle. If love is this difficult, I think I'll stick to the bachelor life." With a satisfied smile, he left my study.

My sudden epiphany had me muttering a quote from of my favorite books of poetry: _You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it._ At least I had words for what I was now experiencing.

I went to work the next day with conflicted emotions: on one had I was miserable to think I had finally found romantic love and then lost it. On the other hand, I _had _found love. And there could not be love without hope. Fate had brought us together twice. Could I _hope_ for a third?

I now had the answer to Edward's question: 'What are you going to do about it?' I knew if I ever saw her again, I would tell her how I feel. I would treat her like a queen and dedicate myself to bringing her joy. She deserved that more than anyone else I knew.

I was lost in these thoughts when I entered the medication room on an errand. It was a small, locked room where the hospital kept its most potent medications.

"Oh, hello Dr. Cullen!"

"Good day, Nurse Zeppo."

_Bad thing about locked rooms, you never know who you'll stumble upon_ I thought.

Nurse Zeppo's heart and respiration rates were increasing. She was working herself up for something….

"Dr. Cullen, we've been working together for some time now. And I know men aren't likely to spend much time in the kitchen. I hope you don't think it's too forward of me, but I was wondering if I could bring you a home cooked dinner some time?"

"That's very kind of you, but I just don't think now is a good time…" But that was all I could sputter out before she persisted.

"It would be no trouble, really"

"Thank you, but…"

"Maybe just dessert then?" she quickly countered.

Suddenly there was a loud snap as the locked door of the medication room was pulled clean off its hinges.

"_The gentleman is trying to tell you he is not interested!" _

Nurse Zeppo gasped and her eyes were wide with shock. She scurried out of the room as fast as her legs would carry her. She never looked back.

"Sorry about the door." Esme smiled sheepishly. "I just thought you needed a speedy rescue. What a pushy woman!" She casually leaned the slightly warped door against the wall.

We looked at each other in silence for a second and then laughed at the absurdity of the moment.

Then Esme's face fell into a frown. When she spoke, her voice was very serious.

"Carlisle, I tried to find where I belonged. But I know now for certain that my place is here with you and Edward. May I come home?"

She sounded so remorseful. But for me, there was no experience in my life that could compare to the rush of joy I felt at hearing those words.

I knew this was the moment. I had told myself I would share my feelings with Esme if I ever got the chance. But now, no words seemed adequate to express all that I felt!

So I acted. I gently took Esme's face in my hands and looked into her hopeful eyes. I willed my eyes to communicate the depth of my emotions.

And then I kissed her.

The combination of her scent and the taste of her lips filled me with passion and completeness. How right this was!

When we parted, I had a sudden twinge of fear. _In this moment I would see my future in her eyes._ Everything I hoped for was about to be confirmed or denied in her reaction.

Initially, she stepped back. A look of shock on her face. _Oh, no…_

"Carlisle?" she mused. "Is that a 'yes'?"

Yes? Oh, I had forgotten she was looking for an answer to her question about coming home!

But before I could answer, she threw her arms around me and kissed me with such force that we nearly fell over. Heaven!

When I recovered, I could only think of one thing to say…

"Let's go home."

* * *

_End notes: No one is happier with this ending than me! Now I can finally stop with the angst and start with the love!! Yippee. This was emotionally tiring, so pump me up with some comments/reviews. I really love the correspondence I have had with some of you. Thank you from my heart._


	11. A Leap of Faith

_SM owns_

Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began

**A Leap of Faith**

EsPOV

Carlisle's response to my request to come home was more than I could have hoped for. I felt like the female version of the prodigal son! I had taken all he had to give and disappeared. I didn't deserve to be taken back with open arms. Knowing what kind of man Carlisle was, I am sure my abrupt departure caused much stress for him, and Edward too.

But my time away from Carlisle made me realized one very import fact. The words I spoke to Carlisle many weeks ago were more true and insightful than I could have ever imagined. They played over and over in my mind: _"I believe my role is to be at your side. Maybe I am to save your life one day, you know, return the favor. Whatever the reason, it appears that we are destined to be together." _The painful pangs of loneliness and emptiness that accompanied me where ever I went became too much to ignore. They pulled me back to this place. And now, I had to figure out the breadth and depth of meaning behind my feelings. At the very least, I needed the chance to make things right. To show my remorse over abusing his hospitality and trust.

_Could I hope for the chance to pick up where we left off?_

Although Carlisle was only half way through his shift, I got the distinct feeling _we_ weregoing home. He held my hand tightly and pulled me through the ER, appearing very happy. He introduced me to his colleagues as we sped through. I held my breath and just smiled and nodded at them. Most of them gave us big smiles as Carlisle's current state of apparent bliss was quite contagious. Although some of the nurses seemed less than pleased...

Carlisle's supervisor commented that he had certainly had earned some time off and seemed resigned to the fact that he would be unable to convince Carlisle to stay at work anyway.

There was definitely a positive energy surrounding Carlisle. It made the angel look even more glorious. I beamed knowing that my return had brought him joy and that I would be forgiven. That energy continued during the car ride home. He continued to hold my hand tightly. I was starting to wonder if he did so over concern that I might take off again...

We didn't talk much during the drive, though I knew there was much to discuss. For now, we just wore smiles and stole glances at each other. Each time I looked at Carlisle, I felt my smile grow until my cheeks hurt.

I couldn't remember the last time I smiled like this - at least a lifetime ago.

My still heart leapt when we arrived home as Carlisle sped ahead of me to open the car door and the door to the house. Inside a fire was glowing brightly in the fireplace and a small banner hung over the mantle: "Welcome Home".

Carlisle chuckled, "Edward missed you too." He was obviously as touched as I was by Edward's gesture.

"Edward?" I called out. I was anxious to see him. I did feel I owed him an apology for leaving without the courtesy of an explanation. I still didn't know what I would say to make amends. Then again, he'd know what was in my mind. My thoughts would convey my regrets for leaving him and I would promise to never again to be the cause of his unhappiness.

"I think he wanted to give us some time alone," Carlisle said, touching my shoulder gently. "Would you like to sit by the fire?"

"I would like that very much."

We sat close to each other on the floor in front of the fire, both of us a little stiff in our posture. I drew in a deep breath knowing I owed Carlisle some sort of explanation. At the very least, he would want to know where I was over the past few weeks...

Carlisle noticed my nervousness, and always the gentleman, he took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Then he surprised me by putting his arm around me and pulling me close to him. It was an awkward gesture that made me thrilled and nervous at the same time.

_But this was to be my home now_.

The conversation could wait. I relaxed my head against his shoulder and chest, and for the first time I truly appreciated his distinct alluring scent. It was earthy. Like the smell of cedar and pine, the smell of the woods during a wet spring day. I took it in, analyzing all its subtleties and flavors. I liked it - very much.

We stayed this way for an unknown amount of time. The silence seemed to speak the truth for us. Words were definitely optional.

Eventually the fire started to die down. Carlisle stood to add another log and then stoked the fire back to life. When he rejoined me on the floor he looked into my eyes and broke the silence.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

I took a long look into his eyes. I could see the flames from the fire dancing in them. They pulled me in and left me feeling like I would melt from the warmth. He was so strong and beautiful.

When I did finally speak, the words spilled out in a rush, "Carlisle, I am so sorry for running, quite literally, away from you. I hope you didn't blame yourself for anything. I just was so overwhelmed with the memories of my human life. I didn't want it to be a burden for you to bear. But it wasn't right what I did to you and Edward either. Please forgive me. "

But there was no hesitation on his part.

"Esme, dear, there is nothing to forgive. The way each one of us deals with grief is different. I am just so thankful you are back." He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. The fire had warmed his skin and it felt wonderfully soothing against mine.

This time he drew in the deep breath, "With all you have been through, I know trusting someone is not something that will come easy. Trust will have to be earned. I want to earn your trust, Esme. I want you to know that I am someone you can come to and lean on. But I also know what I ask may take time. I just want you to know, I have plenty of time..."

Now I knew I would melt!

With everything inside of me, I wanted to trust him.

_I could even love him. _

That was what I learned during my time away.

I tried to explain...

"Carlisle, when I was gone, I looked for where I belonged. Where could I go to feel happiness again? I felt... bitter and angry. Ugly and unlovable.

"I didn't know where to go. I decided to go to Columbus, just to see my brother and sisters again. I needed to know they were well and happy. I saw them, but I did not go to them. They had moved on in their life and I knew I was too different to go back. There would be too many questions, most of which I could never answer. Then I went to Milwaukee to look in on Mary Ann. I was so overjoyed to see she's expecting! I didn't have a place in her life either. I left a note in her mailbox to thank her for her kindness and to tell her not to worry about me.

"They all seemed very content and happy, but I realized it wasn't because of _where_ they were, but _what_ they had inside their hearts. There was no where I could go to be happy until I dealt with what was inside of me. _That_ was the place I had to go first to move forward.

"I have to let go of my fear and anger. Once I admitted that fact, I knew where I would go - home to be with you and Edward.

"When I left my family, I said goodbye to that life - all of it. I am ready to start a new one. I don't want to leave, ever. Everything I care about is here.

"Can you forgive me for leaving? Can you ever _trust_ me?"

Carlisle had not taken his eyes off mine since I began my long explanation. But now he looked away. _Did I say too much? Was I asking for too much? _

"I, too, have to ask for your forgiveness," he finally said. "I was not entirely forthcoming with you. I may have been able to save you from the emotional shock of your past."

My brow furrowed. I couldn't understand what he was referring to. My look of confusion coaxed more information from him.

"I read your medical file at the hospital. I knew about Benjamin."

_That's right! Carlisle spoke Benjamin's name the night of Charles' death! He **knew **I had lost a child and had not told me! _

This time I averted my eyes. They prickled, but no tears fell. I felt betrayed, but was uncertain as how to react...

"Is there anything else you have not told me that I should know?" My voice was icy. I needed to know it _all_ before I could move forward. What other skeletons were still in the closet?

"I am so sorry, Esme. I only wanted to protect you. At least that's what I convinced myself I was doing by keeping your part of your history a secret. Every day that went by, everyday that you didn't remember, the harder it was for me to disclose the truth. I began to _want _you to forget. I guess, subconsciously, I was afraid if you remembered your past, you might suffer more. I didn't want to cause you anymore pain. I was selfish and a coward. I beg for your forgiveness."

Carlisle hung his head with regret and I couldn't help but reach out to comfort him. My feelings of betrayal were eclipsed by my need to relieve his emotional pain.

"I forgive you." It was a simple response, but it was all I could give.

He looked at me with grateful eyes, then as if encouraged by my response he said, "I have only two more things to confess to you..."

I nodded wearily.

"First, when you are ready, I have all your belongings from the cabin you were living in before your ...accident. They are in a trunk in my room."

"And the other?"

"The other confession is something I need to show you. Are you up for that now?"

I was torn and emotionally exhausted. Yes, I wanted to move on, be done with my old life and knew I could only do that by putting the past behind me. But at the same time, what Carlisle wanted to show me was an unknown and I was fearful. How would I react to whatever he showed me?

"Will you stay with me? Will you help me face whatever it is?" It was my first attempted at leaning on him. Trusting on a whole different level than before.

"Yes, I will. I will be whatever you need me to be," he answered without hesitation.

I swallowed the fear that was welling up in my throat and managed a quiet "Okay."

"Let's run," he said as he took my hand to guide me to a stand.

I let a small smile replace my look of concern. "I like to run. It feels like freedom."

We left the house with all our speed. We ran several miles. Carlisle held my hand.

He decreased our pace as we entered the cemetery at the very edge of town, and glanced at me with apprehension in his eyes. However, I did not question our reason for being here. I would wait for him to reveal whatever it was he wanted to show me.

We walked silently through the grave sites until we finally paused before a beautiful white marble headstone.

"I wanted to give Benjamin what you would have wanted for him. I grieved for him, Esme...and I had him buried here."

My eyes snapped to the headstone in front of me to confirm what Carlisle had just spoken.

The headstone sparkled in the light of the rising sun. Engraved on the stone was a sweet-faced cherub with outstretched wings. The angel held his eyes and arms up to heaven. Below him was an inscription:

_Tiny Angel can you tell me,  
Why you have gone away?  
You weren't here for very long...  
Why is it, you couldn't stay?  
The Tiny Angel shook his head,  
"These things I do not know...  
But I do know that you love me,  
And that I love you so"._

Benjamin Joseph Evenson

May 5, 1921 - May 8, 1921

I dropped to my knees and reached out to touch the only symbol of my child's existence in this world. The stone was cold and hard - like me.

I let my finger tips graze over the cherub's face and the gentle words. I paused when I reached my child's name.

"Thank you. Thank you, Carlisle, for this," I could only whisper the words.

He knelt beside me in the dewy wet grass. "I am so sorry for your loss, Esme. I know you would have been a wonderful mother to Benjamin. What happened was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done different. Your angel was not meant for this world. God claimed him for Himself."

I looked at Carlisle with a sudden realization, "Could you have savedhim like yousaved me?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No, Esme. There is nothing I could have done either. Children cannot be transformed. It...it's not permitted."

I did not question Carlisle's statement any further. It didn't matter now anyway. I looked at the stone once more.

"I miss you, Benjamin. I will never forget you." I leaned forward to gently place my lips on the smooth marker.

Now I just had one more question I needed answered...

"Carlisle, will I be able to have children?"

I knew the answer as soon as I looked into his face.

"No."

It didn't come as a shock. I could tell this unchanging hard body would not be capable of giving life. But it made me feel deeply sad none the less.

"We can be a family - me, you and Edward," Carlisle urged softly.

I know he was trying to soften the fact that I was to be eternally barren. He pulled me up from my knees and held me in a tight embrace. "We'll find a way through this - together. I will find a way to bring joy back into your life, Esme. I promise. "

The sincerity of his words touched my still heart. With Carlisle's support, I had hope of healing.

I decided then and there it was time for me to take another leap. A leap of faith.

I would place my fate in Carlisle's capable hands. I would be part of this coven-turned-family.

I would welcome the future with open arms and an open, healed heart.

Today would be the start of a new life. A better life.

* * *

_AN: How's that for happy and heartbreaking at the same time? This is one of my favorite chapters. Hope you enjoyed too. Leave me your comments if you would be so kind..._


	12. The Dance

_SM owns._

Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began

**_The Dance_**

CPOV

I held to the promises I had made to Esme. When we returned home from the cemetery, I retrieved the trunk from my closet. It contained all her personal items and her medical record. I placed it in her room with the lid closed and latched. She eyed it uncertainly as I wordless left her room. I would let her determine when she was ready to review the contents.

In the days that followed, Esme was very quiet and withdrawn, but had asked us to understand as she had much to sort out. She spent most of the day in her room, coming out to check periodically on Edward and me, but still she would seem distracted and somewhat distant.

As part of her "healing process" as she termed it, she had started journaling. Sometimes this included sketching in her notebook, something she found she had a knack for and brought her some joy.

Nights were the time I looked forward to. We would hunt most nights and then spend the rest of the time in front of the fire. These were the times Esme would relax her mind and would occasionally share with me something she found particularly insightful during her journaling or sketching.

I grew to admire her inner strength as she worked to become whole again.

She also visited Benjamin's grave site frequently, preferring to go alone although I always offered to accompany her. When she returned from the cemetery, she always went straight to her room to draw or to write. It seemed she was making good progress in reconciling her past and her present. But I was looking to the future and often felt alone.

So one Friday evening, I thought she might be ready for a night out. Maybe I could resurrect that celebratory night out that we never had. Taking in a deep breath of courage, I knocked on the door of her room.

"Carlisle?"

_Her voice sounded so sweet and full of promise._

I opened the door and a rush of her scent greeted me. It literally took my breath away for a moment….

"Esme, I would so like to see you in the beautiful dress you bought in town, therefore, I am formally asking you out on a date with me. Would you like to go dancing tonight?"

Her eyes lit up, but her demeanor remained calm. "Dancing? That sounds lovely. I would like to engage this body in something civilized and ladylike for a change."

"Wonderful!" I equally tried to be reserved, "I have heard the dance hall in town can become quite crowded on weekend nights, so would you like to hunt before we go?" Business before pleasure I thought. Esme was closing in on her first year anniversary as an immortal, but I wanted to leave nothing to chance. I don't think either of us could bear a devastating setback.

"I think that would be wise. I am looking forward to this evening, thank you."

I sensed I had been dismissed, so I closed the door to her room and walked calmly down the hall though my excitement at her acceptance made me feel like doing a little victory dance_. I was enjoying this game of love._

At 5pm sharp, Esme descended from her room for the hunt.

A rare early spring storm was rolling in over Lake Superior. The darkened sky frequently lit up with flashes of lightening. In the brief bursts of light, I would catch glimpses of Esme stalking her prey. As a female, her movements differed from mine and Edward's. Her motions were so fluid and quick, yet feminine. Almost cat-like. She made hunting look and feel almost ... sensual.

Drawn by her movements, I followed after her, more focused on observing her than satisfying my own thirst. In some slight way I felt I was stalking her, seeking her as my goal. A strange feeling overcame me. It was thrilling in that it what I was doing and feeling was somewhat forbidden. And that thought seemed to spur me on.

I sensed the chains of my constant restraint and control slipping away. I was different around Esme, in a wonderful way. I could be who and what I was. I was experiencing a part of me I wasn't even aware existed ... or ever willing to show. She was awakening something from deep inside of me.

I continued to follow her as she pursued her prey, intrigued and wanting more of this strange, new feeling.

By the time I arrived at her side, she had made her kill. I stopped and dropped to a crouch. The smell of blood and her posture over her prey stirred something untamed in me. My eyes narrowed and my mind was bombarding me with instinctual messages I couldn't comprehend or decipher. Growls rumbled low in my chest.

Esme's keen instincts picked up on my unconventional presence behind her. She spun around and took a defensive posture.

We both let out a hiss.

A sudden bolt of lightning illuminated the night and charged the air around us. The resulting earth-shaking boom broke our focus. We lost our intensity in that moment and relaxed our postures. _But what a rush…_

"Carlisle?" Esme questioned, not really sure what had just transpired between us.

"Nice strike," I played off whatever it was we had experienced. It felt too primal and illicit to discuss.

"Thank you, but you're not _stalling_ are you? We need to get you dinner – you promised me dancing tonight, remember?"

"No stalling. I plan to dazzle you with my fancy footwork. You do know I was cutting a rug when Arthur Murray was still in diapers..." I quipped and then took off at a full run.

This time Esme pursued me.

We played a rousing game of hide and seek, vampire style, until the scent of a herd of deer caught our attention. Dinner was served.

Fully sated, we ran back to the house to clean up and prepare for the evening.

I quickly went to my room and searched my closet for appropriate attire for the evening. Knowing the style of Esme's dress, I decided to pull out my tailcoat jacket. I had only attended one formal event in recent memory. It was when I was presented the Physician of the Year Award by the local Physician's Association in Chicago. I can't say I won fair and square. With 200 years experience as a doctor, the odds are definitely stacked in my favor. At times I found it difficult to keep to these small town hospitals when I knew I could do so much more good at a larger research hospital. But then I might get noticed, stand out, or be memorable. That would definitely complicate my life - my house of cards. Best to keep a low profile.

As none of my dimensions had changed since ... well, in a couple centuries - my tailcoat and pants fit like new. I polished my shoes and combed my hair back. I was ready and quickly headed for the main room of the house. There I would wait for Esme to make her appearance. I looked forward to the full effect as she came down the stairs and entered the room.

I was not disappointed.

As she made her way _very_ _slowly_ down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of her high-heeled shoes. Fire rose in me as I realized how I enjoyed the new style of clothes women were wearing nowadays! The height of her heeled shoes made her lower leg so shapely it gave me a new appreciation for the anatomy of the leg! The hem of her flowing dress was slightly below her knees and it swirled around them as she descended the stairs. The dress itself was a rose-color and it hugged her vampire-perfect figure. She had tied her hair back and applied a subtle shade of lipstick to her lips. In a word, she was _stunning_.

"Well, what do you think?" She asked as she spun in front of me, keeping her eyes toward the floor.

_Oh yes, I definitely liked this game of love! _"You are a vision of loveliness," I responded with all sincerity.

She rewarded my compliment with a large smile. It was just as striking as the rest of her.

"You look very dashing in your tails!" She reached out to smooth my collar, sending chills down my spine. "We are sure going to wow them at the dance hall. Are we ready to leave?"

Just then Edward entered the room. "Hey, you two look really spiffy. Enjoy your evening," he said casually before flopping on the couch and picking up a magazine.

While Edward's words were appropriate, the smirk he wore on his face made it clear that he knew our thoughts exactly. He was enjoying himself at our expense, no doubt.

I pulled the car up to the front porch and held the door open for Esme. She glided in and slid over - a little further than she really needed to. When I got into the car, though, I was pleased to find her close enough to touch while I drove.

She casually played with my fingers as they rested on the seat while she spoke of the events I had missed while at work this week. I marveled at how relaxed and comfortable I felt with her. I think she felt the same way. I knew it would be a delightful evening...

When we arrived at the dance hall, the evening was already in full swing. We made our way onto the floor. I was not surprised to find Esme was a wonderful dancer and I could tell that dancing made her happy.

I dared to hold her close.

I could see many other dancers stealing glances at us, however, they did not give us scandalous looks. I knew individually either of us was attractive enough to humans, but seeing a perfect pair gracefully gliding on the floor was definitely going to attract attention. I still felt a sense of pride. Yes, this exquisite woman is with _me_ tonight.

Her scent enveloped and swirled around me. It was intoxicating and I drank it in with deep breaths.

I dared to hold her closer.

Forget social etiquette tonight! I had waited two centuries and too many decades to have what I was holding in my arms now, and I wasn't going to waste another moment.

I actually let out a laugh.

"Carlisle, are you all right?" Esme questioned with amusement in her eyes.

I would not hide my feelings from her. That mistake had almost caused me to lose her forever. I would be honest with her every moment from now on…and that decision was frightening. To open myself up like that…well, it was like being naked! I had cloaked myself in lies and deceptions for so long, they came to me as second nature. I swallowed hard and gazed into Esme's warm golden eyes for strength.

"Yes, I am quite well. Actually, I am the happiest I have ever been. To hold you close like this, it overwhelms me. I don't think I have the words right now to describe my feelings. But I know that I'd like to feel this way always." _The honest truth..._

Again, I was rewarded with a radiant smile.

"I think I know how you feel…And Carlisle, I believe I love you too."

She rested her head on my shoulder and placed an ever so slight kiss on my neck.

I spun us around to the sound of the gentle waltz that was playing. It was like dancing on clouds!

We stole several more polite kisses on the dance floor, surrounded by other dancers, and stayed lost in our new world until the music stopped and the hall closed.

After we returned home, we retired to our rooms to change out of our formal wear. When I returned to the main room, Esme was describing the night to Edward. At the sight of my entrance, he excused himself from our presence, and I had started a fire in the fireplace - as was our usual night time routine.

We settled close to each other on the floor and immediately became entranced in the mesmerizing flames.

"Carlisle, I had a wonderful time tonight. Thank you."

"I'm glad. We will go as often as you'd like. But we'll definitely have to get you more dresses…_and heels_," I added that last word with a smile. She threw her arms around me and we both laughed at my forward comment. But as the laughter died down, I wrapped my arms around her gently.

It was a quiet moment that held meaning.

After some time, Esme pulled from my embrace, "Carlisle, would you mind, I'd like to spend some time in my room. I have a few things I want to tend to."

"Of course," I said as I stood with her. We walked to the staircase hand in hand. She climbed the first step and then turned. At that height she could look me directly in the eyes.

"Thank you for this life, Carlisle. You have brought hope for happiness into my heart. Good night." And she kissed me soft and gentle on the lips before pulling away to climb the rest of the staircase.

I sighed silently and watched her disappear behind the door to her room.

I returned to the fire and added another log. Looking into the flames I could see my future more clearly than I ever had before. I made a decision. I let it fill my head and my heart.

I shouldn't have been surprised to hear the door to Edward's room open. He approached the fire, and held his hands to it before sitting down beside me.

Speaking very quietly as to keep the conversation between the two of us he said, "Big night."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. He undoubtedly knew what I had decided...

"Do you approve, my son?" I truly wanted to know his thoughts.

"When you first brought Esme home, I was very skeptical. Change is not an easy thing to accept sometimes I guess. I was unsure what her presence would mean to our life here. But now, I cannot imagine our lives without her. She is like the glue that holds us together. But even more importantly, she makes you happy. She completes you, Carlisle. So for what it's worth…you have my blessing."

"Thank you, Edward. And your words have great worth. Our relationship is very important to me too. I would not want to jeopardize it."

"So…" Edward prodded me for details, although I knew he already heard them in my head. I guess he just wanted to share this moment with me.

"So ... this weekend I am going to ask Esme to marry me."

It did feel good to say it out loud - even if it was barely a whisper.

* * *

_End Notes: Ahhh, yes. Love. If you feel all warm and fuzzy, drop me a comment/review. I know we've been building up to this and now I am starting to get sad the end is in sight. But I hope the wedding and honeymoon will make you feel emotionally safisfied (well, as satisfied as a "T" rating will allow ; ) Also, thanks to all the great friends I have met thru this site. Your correspondence makes me very happy._


	13. Flowers and Forever

Twilight and all its characters are owned by SM

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Flowers and Forever**

EsPOV

As I climbed the stairs to my second floor bedroom, I could feel Carlisle's eyes watching me.

He made me feel so beautiful and desirable. The way he lavished attention on me made me feel worthy. Foremost, he treated me with respect. Like an equal, instead of a lesser half. How could it be that what I stumbled upon _after_ death was what I had most sought during life?

I didn't look back. Once I reached my room I closed the door quietly behind me and leaned against it releasing a deep sigh. The feeling of warmth and contentment covered me like cozy woolen blanket.

During my human life true love had eluded me like a clever thief. I clung to the belief that if I paid my dues, if I gave of myself and sacrificed until it hurt, I would be rewarded with love. But the more I was willing to give, the more others took, until I had lost myself in the process.

It wasn't until I let everything go – my whole life, did I emerge on the other side with what I was looking for. On the other side was my angel.

I knew this was love as it was meant to be. And that it was _real_ this time. I did not have to sacrifice. I did not have to settle or compromise.

I still had a soul…and it had found its mate.

Caught between wanting to giggle uncontrollably or cry with relief at my good fortune, I rushed to my desk and retrieved my journal. Tonight my reflections would describe a night that would live in my memory forever.

Flopping ungracefully at my desk, I whipped open the drawer containing my journal and let my thoughts and feelings for Carlisle was over me. I rode them joyously like a wave.

He was so kinds, considerate, giving and of course handsome. And I could see in his eyes, he had feelings for me. And while Carlisle always played the role of perfect gentleman, I was noticing a slight change in him. He was becoming a little bolder, more confident in his manner toward me. And it was thrilling!

I felt like a giddy school girl experiencing her first crush as I scribbled down every little detail about how Carlisle looked, how he smelled, the way he moved, and how he held me close. It was a magical evening – every girl's dream. I was the princess at the ball entranced by prince charming.

The thought of running back down those stairs and into his arms consumed me, then I thought better of it.

I had hated to take my leave of him tonight. I wanted the evening to continue, but I was concerned about the strong physical desires that were awakening in me. It had been so long since I was held and touched in an intimate way. I found I wanted that from Carlisle. Tonight – alone in front of a blazing fire.

Yet, it would not be appropriate.

And, Lord, if Edward picked up on these thoughts, how would I ever face him again! Yes, it would be better for me to compose myself in the privacy of my room before I acted on my wants….

Distracted, I closed my journal and walked across the room to my window. The sun was beginning its accent into the morning sky, dimly diluting the darkness of night. It glowed like promise dawning.

A loneliness started to fill me as I knew Carlisle would spend most of this day at the hospital. He worked so hard and with such compassion. When he would return home, I would see the kind of day he had on displayed in the features on his face. Sometimes his eyes were darker, clouded, and I knew it was a day that he had lost the battle against death or disease.

Did he know I could see that? Did he know I wished I could protect him from everything and anything that brought him sadness? It was on those days I promised I would never darken his eyes. On those day prayed I could be the one to bring him joy. This was the gift I wished to give him for all he had given to me.

Lost in my thoughts, I spent several hours in my room, journaling and sketching, before reflecting over certain items in the trunk Carlisle had given me. When I finally made my way downstairs, my head was full of plans for the day. Edward was waiting in the main room for me looking as if something was causing him pain...

"A flower garden?" he questioned. "Are you sure?"

He was always one step ahead…

"Yes. Wouldn't it give the house an inviting look?" I asked, hoping I could convince him of the worthiness of my plan.

"Inviting for whom? We never have visitors."

"I know men like the practical, but…oh, I don't know, I just feel like planting flowers today! Will you help?" I asked exasperated.

"I'll help you haul the flowers from town and dig the holes," he conceded.

"Deal."

I would take whatever help I could get and I enjoyed Edward's company. He was always introspective -such an old soul for such a young man. But his depth was intriguing. He was definitely unique.

We ran to the market in town. I browsed with Edward reluctantly in tow, searching for the right color combination of flowers. Carlisle liked pinks, so that was definitely a color of choice. Yellow looked so joyful. And then maybe some red…yes, definitely _red_.

As Edward and I walked down the (thankfully gloomy) street with our baskets of flowers, I found myself gazing into the windows of the main street shops.

"Maybe you should stop and pick up something special to wear today," Edward suggested in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Special? What's the occasion?"

I was always suspicious of Edward's little suggestions. I knew he was privy to the private information in our heads, but what he wasn't aware of was how a woman's intuition worked…

"Um, no occasion, I just thought women, you know, liked to shop."

_Not like Edward to stubble on his words. What was going on?_

"Nothing, Esme," Edward said answering my thoughts. "I just know Carlisle would want to you have anything that makes you happy. Look…" He pointed to a simple cotton dress with a bright floral print in a shop window. "I think that would look lovely on you. Why don't you get it?"

_Edward if you are trying to be subtle, you are failing miserably._

I saw him grimace in response to this thought.

Then I softened. We both wanted the same thing - we wanted to see Carlisle happy. I decided I would play along. He obviously knew something I didn't... Anyway, I could always use a new dress.

"Okay. You stay with the flowers (I knew he'd love that!) and I'll see if they have my size," I smiled.

"Thank you, Esme," he said with relief in his voice

Moments later I emerged from the store with two boxes. One containing a new dress and in the other, the highest pair of heels I could find.

Edward grinned knowingly. Actually we both smiled the rest of the way back to the house.

Once we got everything home, we searched through the shed for the tools we needed. Edward impatient as usual, decided to skip the shovel, and just used his hands to dig the holes for the flowers. I couldn't find a watering can, no surprise there. Did I really expect a couple of young bachelors to own a watering can?

Even with our speed, it took some time to lay out the flowers in the design I wanted, dig the holes, plant and water them. Edward had disappeared as soon as he finished his part of the deal.

Once the last pot had been planted, I stood back to admire the splash of color the flowers added to the landscape. It was a good start. In time, maybe I could add a few flowering bushes and a strategically placed trellis adorned with clematis. I could sketch out a few designs for the landscaping and present it to Carlisle for his input.

With designs clicking through my brain like flipping photographs, I headed in the house and climbed the stairs. Placing the two boxes in my room, I headed to the bathroom to clean up. Once I had bathed, I put on the new dress and heels. Carlisle would be home soon.

Standing in the mirror, I couldn't help but shake my head at the absurdity of my actions. I felt like a child playing an elaborate game of "house". Carlisle wasn't my husband and this was not my home, but it felt like we were playing the roles of husband and wife. Minus one important perk of being married…

The sound of Carlisle's car rapidly approaching caught my attention. I felt a quick flutter in my stomach and shot down the stairs as fast at my new shoes would take me. Now, how to look nonchalant all cleaned up, dressed up and wearing the sexiest heeled shoes I could find? I began fluffing the cushions on the couch.

Carlisle came through the front door of the house as if he was late for a surprise party. My stomach fluttered again, c_ould he be looking as forward to seeing me as I was to see him? _

I got my answer as he came to an abrupt stop when he saw me standing there. I got the response I was hoping for. His eyes widened as he took me in from head to toe, then a smile slowly spread across his face. But, of course, his words were polite.

"Esme, what a pleasant sight you are! And the flowers you planted look wonderful. Thank you for adding such beauty to our home."

"I hope you don't mind me taking some liberties. I know this is your home, but I thought it could use a woman's touch. A little color can make such a difference."

"It's perfect."

The way his eyes dwelled on my form, I got the distinct feeling he wasn't talking about the flowers any more.

"And to thank you for your hard work today, would you take an automobile ride with me?" he asked.

I eagerly accepted his invitation. My woman's intuition was tingling again. Carlisle seemed very excited about something.

He excused himself and went to his room to change out of his work clothes. When he reemerged moments later, he was dressed casually in a pair of knickerbockers than hung several inches below his knees, a coordinating Norfolk coat and two-toned white and tan shoes.

We enjoyed a ride though the shaded roads and arrived at a secluded scenic area overlooking Lake Superior. We left the car to sit on the bank and watch the sun sink into the blue water. I loved the colors of Twilight.

We appeared to be taking the same course on the way home, but just when darkness fell, Carlisle pulled to the side of the road and cut the engine.

"We walk from here. I have something to show you that I think you'll like."

With complete faith and much anticipation, I exited the car as Carlisle held the door open.

We headed directly into the forest. Unfortunately, even with my vampire agility, I found navigating the rough wooded terrain a challenge in my unpractical footwear.

"I guess I should have worn boots for this trip," I teased.

"No problem. Let me help."

And with that Carlisle scooped me up in his arms. I let out a squeal at the unexpected action, but then quickly began to appreciate the closeness. He cradled me in his arms and he deftly navigated through the woods. His excitement was now contagious.

"Carlisle, where are we going?"

"You'll see. Almost there."

Staining my eyes, I searched the scene before me. In the distance, I could see the flicker of light. It made shadows dance on the surrounding trees.

Finally, Carlisle stepped into a small clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a large fire in a makeshift fire pit. To the one side was a large log, somewhat carved to resemble a bench. Lying on top of the makeshift bench was a lovely bouquet of white and red roses. The bouquet was large – at least two dozen flowers, and their sweet fragrance filled the surroundings despite the smoke from the fire.

My eyes took in the beautiful sight as Carlisle gently set me on my feet.

"I couldn't stop thinking of the scent of roses today. I thought you might enjoy them."

"Carlisle, they are lovely!" I rushed to the flowers and raised them to my nose to take in their scent. How did you prepare this?"

He just smiled.

"Edward…." I said remembering how he so quickly vanished this afternoon. Now I owed him twice - once for insisting I purchase a new dress and once for this romantic setting. Well, I guess three times if I counted the humiliation of planting flowers.

I looked back at the beautiful bouquet and a thought occurred to me. "Interesting choice of colors, Dr Cullen…"

I knew the colors of roses held special significance. Could I assume he chose _these_ colors to convey a specific message? I really wanted to know, so I waited patiently for his response.

Carlisle took my hand and led me over to the log bench and offered me a seat before sitting next to me. The fire cast a warm color on his pale perfect face. He took the bouquet from my hands and set it on the ground before the fire.

"Actually, I did pick these colors for a reason. The red roses symbolize love, romance, beauty, courage and respect. The white roses symbolize spiritual love and anticipation of happiness." He spoke so softly and took my left hand in his.

I looked into his eyes. My breath caught as I saw the depth of them.

"The time we have spent together has been the happiest time of my existence. But for as long as I have walked this Earth, I have not gained much experience in love. I have not done a very good job sharing my feelings with you, and I hope my actions have spoken what my words have not.

"But tonight, I need you to know how I truly feel about you." Carlisle took in a deep breath and then continued, "When we are apart, I can only think about when we will be reunited. When we are together, the time flies by. Your smile warms me and your touch comforts me. Your beauty draws me in and leaves me spellbound. The thought of being without you leaves me in despair."

Carlisle dropped to one knee before me. _Oh, my…_

"Esme, once you said to me that you thought we were destined to be together and your role was to be at my side because maybe you would save my life one day. Know that truer words have never been spoken. You have saved my life. And you have become the meaning of my life.

"I would be blessed to have you by my side forever more. Esme, I am on my knee to most humbly ask you, would you be my wife?"

Time stood still.

As if in slow motion, he reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out a dazzling diamond engagement ring. It had a raised solitary round diamond surrounded by another tier of smaller diamonds and it seemed to dance as the fire light bounced off its many facets.

But the sparkle of the gemstones was nothing compared to the brilliance of Carlisle's citrine eyes.

I loved those eyes. Windows to the soul. A beautiful, loving, compassionate soul….

"Esme?"

I blinked, startled to realize I had just lost myself in his eyes_. For the love of God, s__peak Esme!_

"Carlisle, you are so beautiful. What did I ever do to deserve your love?" I stammered, completely overwhelmed with emotion.

A large smile grew gradually across his face, "Esme, is that a 'yes'?"

I threw my arms around his neck and cried out, "Yes, yes, yes! I will marry you, Carlisle Cullen!"

With a huge grin, he gently removed my arms from around him and slipped the ring on the third finger of my left hand. The promise of eternal happiness it symbolized so filled me with joyfulness. I channeled all my joyous energy into a passionate kiss. Carlisle's lips were so soft and sweet. I held him so closely that had we needed to breathe, it would have been impossible.

I wanted nothing more than to melt into his embrace. Become one with him.

Without my permission, my passion morphed into desperation. My joy was overtaken by desire. I so wanted to be with him now, here. My lips hungrily feasted on Carlisle's sweetness. My need for him consumed me and stole my control. I wanted to be closer to the man who would be my husband.

Forgetting my nature, I grasped at his shirt with such enthusiasm, the buttons popped off and flew in all directions. The sudden exposure of his bare chest sent a flood of his delicious scent straight to my brain feeding my fire. I gasped for more.

I ran my fingers over Carlisle's smooth, muscular chest as our lips continued their dance of unrestrained passion. As I pressed myself to him, I could feel Carlisle's body responding to my aggressive display of need.

In turn, he gripped my hips and crushed me to him. The force would have left my human body bruised. A combination of a hiss and a sigh escaped from my lips.

A part of me pleaded to regain my sanity and control. But a larger part reveled in the high I was feeling in this moment of passion.

Grabbing Carlisle's hands, I pulled him to the ground. We knelt together, still wrapped in a tight embrace. In a one fluid movement Carlisle cradled my body and laid me on the ground next to the fire. But the warmth I felt had nothing to do with the blaze that burned next to me…

He covered me with his body and placed lustful kisses along my jaw line and neck. My chest heaved and I felt as if I would drown. I returned his affection with fervent kisses of my own that I placed on his fragrant shoulders and chest. My fingers pressed into the smooth firm skin of his bare back.

When our lips met, it was like finding home again after being hopelessly lost.

Eventually, Carlisle wrapped his arms around me and rolled us over so that I was looking down on him.

I propped myself up on his chest to look on his glowing face. He cupped my face in his hands.

"You are an amazing woman. I thought I knew myself, but you have brought out feelings I never knew existed, let alone felt!" He said breathlessly.

Suddenly, I felt shame.

"I love you so much, Carlisle. The thought of spending forever with you, well, my happiness overwhelmed me, I'm sorry if..."

But he cut off my next words.

"No, don't be sorry. A man couldn't hope for a better acceptance of his proposal! And, you've given me a sample of what I can look forward to on our wedding night…" His tone was deep and sultry.

My eye widened -I had a wedding to plan! But compared to what was waiting for me _after _the ceremony...

"How soon can we get married?" I blurted out.

He chuckled, "Okay, my love, let's go home and make some wedding plans. I have a few ideas…"

He helped me up and we looked at each other quite abashed. Our clothes were disheveled and covered with small twigs and dirt. Carlisle smirked and pulled several pine needles from my mussed hair.

We both knew Edward would be waiting at home to congratulate us. I cursed his damn prying gift!

By the look on Carlisle's face, he was thinking the same thing. We laughed as we resigned ourselves to the scene waiting back at home: caught like children doing something naughty.

Oh, well, at least the humor that Edward would derive from this would _more_ than make up for what I owed him…

* * *

_End Notes: How about that chapter for fluff and romance! Along with some passion that I know you have been waiting patiently for. I loved writing it for you, now tell me what you thought! _

_Oh, you might like the wedding - next chapter!_


	14. Plans, Prayers and Promises

Twilight and all its characters are owned by SM

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Plans, Prayers and Promises**

CPOV

One thing I enjoyed about the drive to work was the time I had alone with my thoughts. Though my legs could get me to work faster, the slow pace of the car was almost a treat.

And today was a _real_ treat. I replayed the previous night over and over. Esme accepted my proposal! After centuries of being alone in this world, I finally found someone I wanted to spend eternity with. I was never so sure of anything in my life.

It wasn't as if I hadn't been looking for someone to share my immortal life. I never wanted to be alone for so long. But from my experience living among other vampires, it became clear to me my choices were severely limited.

Human/vampire relationships always ended poorly – for the human partner at least. Usually the immortal partner lost the battle against his or her thirst. The hot date became a hot meal.

There were a few stories of ongoing affairs; unfortunately, the frail human body was not built to handle a physical relationship with a vampire. In those instances, both partners paid the price of forbidden love. One with their life, the other with their heart.

My attempts at a relationship with another immortal were often cut short when it came to diet issues because for me it was more than just food choice, it was a moral choice. No compromise could ever bridge _that_ gap.

Though loneliness was too often a part of my existence, I would endure it all again if it meant finding Esme at the end.

After returning home last night, we talked for hours on details for our upcoming nuptials -and I had the substantial "to do" check list of items to prove it.

Though the human weddings I had observed were grand affairs, Esme and I knew ours would be intimate out of necessity. Neither of us had family to invite, except for Edward. But we did want something familiar and friendly we could share with others in a place of worship.

We decided on the small chapel located in the hospital. I would be able to invite my colleagues from the ER. They were the closest thing I had to friends. And both Esme and I held affection for the chaplain at the hospital. I would ask him today if he would officiate.

Esme picked the date – May 8th. This surprised me because it was the day that Benjamin died. But she explained it was also the day I found and transformed her. She wanted to set that date aside for the rest of her life to remember the brief joy she found with Benjamin and the eternal joy she found with me. I would not deny her that request.

But this date was a mere week from today.

It was clear from last night that Esme's physical desires also influenced the hasty trip to the altar. But this was the one aspect of our future that gave me wedding jitters.

It was an area where Esme's experience outweighed mine. But it wasn't her experience that had me concerned; it was my _lack _of it. How was I to please my wife on our wedding night when I wasn't sure how to proceed? I may as well have been a dentist for all the information my medical background gave me on this issue. I knew all the parts but none of the process! If I had any experience in the area of romance when I was human, I had long forgotten it.

All I had now was Esme. I would have to put this in her hands and trust in our love. I guess we had forever to figure it out together, I just prayed she had patience. I promised myself I would be there for Edward when he found that special someone. Maybe I could spare him from some of this anxiety.

To distract myself from my fears, I ticked off the items on the list:

Wedding attire. I had two days off this week so Esme and I could make the drive to Duluth to shop.

Wedding vows. We decided to skip the traditional vows for our own. I knew our marriage would not be classified as 'traditional', so writing our own vows seemed appropriate.

Flowers. That was all Esme's territory!

Music. Edward graciously offered to handle arranging the music for the ceremony. I guess he was taking interest in music like Esme had hoped. He said the details were a surprise. Esme liked that idea, but surprises made me nervous. By nature, doctors _don't_ like surprises.

The honeymoon. Esme said this detail was to be left up to me. I knew I needed a place that was romantic, far from Edward's mind, yet close - I didn't think Esme would appreciate a lengthy trip on our wedding night!

This would take some thought on my part. Typically honeymoons took place at some scenic location. However, we would need a scenic and secluded location with hunting available to us. That limited things a bit, but after all, it wasn't about location, it was about us. Together. Alone.

I pulled up to the hospital. I loved my job, but I really wanted to be home…

EsPOV

Only two days until my wedding day!

I wished that I could experience all this for first time with Carlisle. I wished I could give Carlisle the gift of my virginity. But I tried not to dwell on those details. I couldn't change what had happened in my human past and my life experiences made me who I am – the woman he loved.

I was getting dressed for our trip to Duluth to pick up our wedding attire and wedding bands. While I looked forward to the trip with Carlisle, I so wished I had a girlfriend to take with me. I loved my new life, but some aspects of it were lacking. I missed female companionship.

"Esme!" Carlisle called from the bottom of the stairs, "Are you ready to leave, dear?"

I loved when he spoke my name! I bounded down the stairs and we got in the car for the couple hour drive.

Once we arrived at the department store, we went for a time in separate directions. We both wanted to surprise each other with our appearance on our wedding day. So I went to find a dress and Carlisle went to choose his tuxedo.

I settled on an ankle length ivory satin dress with lace overlay. For my headdress, I chose an orange blossom wreath. Simple yet elegant.

With my dress boxed up, my next goal was to purchase the rest of my trousseau. Very much desiring female assistance, I decided to play the part of the blushing bride and flashed my rather sizeable engagement ring to any sales woman in the area. Most of them were more than eager to help me make my purchases. I even picked up something special for Carlisle.

With all our purchases made, we packed them into the back of the car and headed home. I looked forward to a fire and the quiet of our home.

The material items I bought today were the last things I needed to prepare for our wedding day. I was already committed mind, body and spirit to this union.

I was ready to become Mrs. Esme Cullen.

The morning of May 8, 1922, dawned cool and crisp. Having set the time of wedding ceremony at twilight, our favorite time of the day, we had ample time for hunting. Edward, Carlisle and I spent the greater part of the day in the forest around our home.

I could tell by Edward's distractedness the thoughts and emotions Carlisle and I were emanating were overwhelming him. I guess no matter how sure you are in your course, weddings were just something that caused nervousness.

I tried to give him space, but at one point during our hunt, he sought me out.

"Esme, could I speak with you a moment?"

"Of course, Edward. I would like to talk with you also. I wanted to apologize for the mental assault."

He shrugged, "Don't worry about it. I expected it. If it's any consolation, Carlisle is even more nervous than you are – but don't tell him I told you that."

I _so_ didn't want to pry into Carlisle's private thoughts, but I just had to know more. I tried not to sound too obvious as I probed for more information…

"Really? I know I'm worried about forgetting the lines to my vows. What is Carlisle nervous about?"

Edward smiled and looked down. I knew he was trying to decide how much information he felt comfortable sharing with me. I really didn't want to put him in the middle…except maybe this once.

"Esme, let me put you at ease, Carlisle is so in love with you. I have never known him to be more sure of the future as he is now, knowing you will be at his side as his wife. And I believe you feel the same.

I understand that my presence has often been an intrusion on your relationship, but your love is truly beautiful. I am glad I was able to experience some of that joy through your thoughts. I hope one day I might be as fortunate as you and Carlisle."

His words were so touching, I was speechless. But he wasn't finished…

"I look to Carlisle as my father. He has earned my respect and I believe he is a great man. The happiness you have brought him has earned you my respect too. I am privileged to have such incredible adoptive parents as my role models. Welcome to the family, Esme. "

Every time I thought I was beginning to understand Edward, it always seemed he surprised me with something. I wanted to cry to show him how much his words deeply affected me. Since I was incapable of such an act, I did what felt right. I embraced him.

At first he held very still, seemingly unsure how to respond. I hadn't thought about it, but now I wondered, when was the last time someone hugged him? My guess was his mother prior to her fatal illness. This realization made me to hold him tighter. Slowly I felt him relax and he placed his arms around my waist.

_Thank you Edward. I love you. _I silently let the words fill my mind.

"Hey, you two, quit lollygagging around! We've got a wedding to get to!" Carlisle called out as he approached. He put his arms around Edward and me. "Let's go make an honest family of this odd lot!"

The mood at home had changed. It had gone from nervous jitters to excitement.

We all cleaned up after our day in the woods. Carlisle and Edward packed the bags for our honeymoon in the car. Then Carlisle donned his tuxedo and Edward drove him to the hospital. On the return trip home, Edward would pick up the flowers.

I had the house _and my thoughts_ to myself.

For the second time, I stood alone in front of a mirror in a wedding gown.

But that is where the similarities ended. This time no voice yelled warnings in my mind. This time I didn't act out of the expectations of others, and I felt no hesitation about entering into this bond. Strange, but in my heart, I knew from the first time I saw Dr. Cullen at age 16 that I wanted to be with him forever. I'd been to hell and back and now it was time for my happy ending.

With my time alone, I let my mind wonder.

I sat down on the corner chair of my room to fasten the silk stockings to my garter belt. I knew that fashions were changing fast and women preferred to wear clothes that played down their curves. Somehow I was sure Carlisle was more 'old fashioned'. So I had squeezed into a boned corset that accentuated my hips, waist and bosom. _Let his eyes feast on that tonight_!

As I rolled up my stocking and attached it to the dangling belt, my eyes spotted a crescent shaped scar near the top of my thigh. I examined it closer. The scar had a twin just above it. I quickly examined my other leg. It too had the same double crescent scar. I ran my fingers over it, trying to remember where they came from. Realization hit me hard. Those weren't ordinary scars, they were bite marks. They could only have come from one source. Carlisle.

I felt a flutter in my gut as I thought about Carlisle's venomous mouth on my then-human thighs. The flutter turned into a flood of electricity coursing through me.

Such the gentleman, he never mentioned having performed this deed during my transformation. With one part of my brain trained on the sound of Edward returning home, I let the other part drift into fantasy...

Carlisle moving his hands up my legs, touching my thighs and placing his mouth on my soft human flesh, sinking his teeth into me and drinking...Oh, I longed for physical pleasure of a lover.

While sex with Charles was seldom about my pleasure, I did begin to experiment and found that I could derive some satisfaction. One thing I so quietly desired was to try taking the top position. To move at my own pace. To be the one in control during love making. But Charles would never allow me to "dominate" him. Not even during sex.

But with Carlisle, it could all be different. Safe. Satisfying.

I finished attaching my stockings still lost in my forbidden reverie.

But why did I feel it was forbidden? Because proper women shouldn't _think_ of such things? Shouldn't _do_ such things? Wouldn't a man enjoy the pleasures of an assertive woman in the bedroom?

Carlisle had always treated me as an equal. We had even discussed that as we decided to throw out the traditional wedding vows. He would want me to be myself. I know he would want to give me pleasure as much as I wanted to give him pleasure.

I decided I would be true to myself. I would not only please my new husband, but I would show him how to please me. I knew this would make him happy.

The sound of the car approaching shook me out of my premeditated honeymoon plans and into a recitation of states and state capitals.

I stood and smoothed the front of my dress and adjusted the wreath of flowers on my head. I had pulled my hair back for a more formal look. I was ready. Just then I heard a light tap on the door.

"Come in, Edward."

He entered my room with a lovely bouquet in one hand and two boutonnieres in the other.

I smiled. "Oh, Edward you look so handsome in your tails! Here, let me help you put on your boutonniere."

I placed the single calla lily in the button hole of his jacket. "Would you help Carlisle with his when we get to the chapel?"

"Of course," was his simple reply.

He handed me my bouquet. It was composed of a dozen ivory calla lilies. Their stems tied together with long flowing ribbons of yellow, red and vibrant pink.

I took in a deep breath. This was it.

"Shall we?" Edward asked.

He let me lead the way to the car and then opened the door so I could climb in the back. I looked back at the house as we drove away. When I entered that house again; it would be as Mrs. Cullen. I would have my clearly defined role.

Unlike a church, the hospital chapel had a very, very small area in the back for me to wait in. Weddings weren't the typical fare at the hospital chapel, but a special exception was made for Carlisle.

As I waited, music began to play. I had seen the simple upright mahogany piano in the chapel before, but didn't consider what beautiful sounds could come from it. The music played softly as I pictured the handful of guests making their way to their seats.

The soft melody calmed me.

I listened to the sounds and took in the scents from behind the door, but I had to steal a look at who was playing so magnificently at the piano.

I cracked opened the door leading to the chapel and peered out.

_Oh, my God! It's Edward!_

Edward was playing the piano! I was so filled with excitement for him that I forgot about staying put until the right time, and hurried over to Edward.

"What are you doing? You're playing the piano! Like you've been playing for years!" I shrieked in a hushed voice, still overcome with shock.

He laughed, but continued to play. "I knew long time ago where this relationship was going. I started taking lessons while you were away. I knew you'd return, Esme. I heard this song on the sample phonographs you bought for me and I fell in love with it. Do you like it? It's the third movement of _Suite bergamasque_by - Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy."

Absentmindedly I slid next to him on the piano bench and watched his long, elegant fingers dance on the silky keys.

Then the music transformed. Edward starting playing _Canon in D._

I sat entranced by his playing. Soon he laughed gently and leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Esme, that's your cue."

"Oh, my!"

I jumped up and spun around to face the waiting guests who had turned to face the back of the chapel. There were snickers all around at my blunder.

I didn't care. All I saw at that moment was Carlisle - waiting for me at the front of the chapel with the chaplain.

I had tunnel vision. All I could see was that incredible, gorgeous man waiting for me. _Me!_

I began to walk, feeling like he was a magnet pulling me forward. _Oh, damn this human speed!_

When I arrived at Carlisle's side, he took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

The chaplain smiled and began, "Dearly Beloved, we come before God and these witnesses to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.

As I have been privileged to have met the bride and groom prior to this occasion, I would like to say a few words to the happy couple before they share their vows.

Dr. Cullen, you have been such an asset to this hospital. Your devotion to and compassion for your patients and those around you is truly a gift from God. May you continue to share your gift for many years to come.

Esme, you have endured much pain. Yet your faith and commitment to love have seen you through. They have made you stronger.

God bless you both.

Now, for the exchange of vows and rings."

Carlisle and I turned toward each other. Edward had joined us at the altar and handed my wedding band to Carlisle. He spoke first:

"Esme, I was not searching

For I didn't know that I was lost.

Now that you are part of my life

I can see now with new eyes.

Before you, I was incomplete, merely existing.

You have shown me what my life could be

Complete with beauty, joy, comfort, hope and love.

Today, I ask you to be my wife

For to be without you would be to return to darkness.

You are my light and the reason for my existence.

As your husband, I vow before God to always put you first.

To comfort you in sorrow

And rejoice with you in your successes.

I promise to cherish, honor and love you

All the days of my life."

Carlisle took my left hand and slipped a single platinum eternity band on my finger to join my engagement ring. Then, with butterflies dancing in my stomach, I spoke my vows:

"Carlisle, when you found me I was broken and lifeless.

Then you gave of yourself to heal me and make me whole.

I owe you my life.

So that is what I give to you today and always.

I pledge to you all my heart, mind and soul.

I promise to love you with all that I am.

You are my hope and my joy.

A precious gift from God.

How blessed I am to be able to say you are mine.

I vow to be your faithful wife from this day forever more."

Edward handed me the thick platinum eternity band I had chosen for Carlisle. I placed it on his finger and looked into his eyes, barely containing my excitement.

The chaplain raised his hands in blessing over us, "May the Lord bless and keep you. Let the love you share strengthen and nourish you all the days of your lives. And may that love provide a sturdy foundation on which to build your family.

By the power vested in me by the great state of Wisconsin, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

We shared a jubilant kiss accompanied by the applause of our guests.

Edward played a rousing version of _Ode to Joy_ at the piano as we recessed down the aisle. Carlisle took my hand and raised it to his lips to place a kiss on my wedding ring before scooping me up in his arms. We waved farewell to our guests.

Carlisle carried me to our car waiting outside the ER. "Just Married" was scrawled on the back of the car in white shoe polish and tin cans were strung to the bumper. _Somebody _thought of everything…

Carlisle placed me on my feet at the passenger side door. He opened it and bowed, "After you, Mrs. Cullen."

"No, after this, Dr. Cullen…," and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me for an exuberant kiss on his sweet lips.

We could hear cat calls and whistles coming from the doors of the ER. I released Carlisle from my hold with a sassy grin and swept into the car.

He climbed in the driver's side and looked at me. That's all it took. Again, we found ourselves in an embrace sharing each other's eager lips. This time more passionately. A little less joy and a little more desire…

"Carlisle," I said breathlessly pushing away from him, "Step on it!"

We left the hospital in all haste heading for our honeymoon.

Destination unknown.

* * *

_End Notes:_ Oh, my! Did that hit the spot? If yes, send me some love...(cuz you know I got some good lovin' for you coming next chapter...)

Want to hear the songs featured in this chapter? Check out the playlist at http:/www(dot)playlist(dot)com/playlist/17352291851


	15. Honeymoon, Part I

_SM owns Twilight_

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Honeymoon, Part I**

Never again will I regret that I couldn't dream. This was just as good –or better. And now with Esme as my wife, I had eternity to live in a blissful dreamlike state.

The enormity of the moment hit me with the force of a speeding locomotive. _I had found my mate. _

How long I've been looking. How long I've been waiting. Had I been a bitter man, I probably would have given up. But every day at the hospital I witnessed love, in all its forms, and it gave me hope. Hope that one day I would find this emotion that changed people.

But now that I found love, I realized I had underestimated it.

I stole a glance at Esme, her skin so fair against the ivory lace of her dress. I knew I would, without question, lay down my life for her. Nothing mattered to me more than her joy and happiness. She was my salvation. As I had been hers.

Our hands were entwined as I drove in the darkness toward our destination. She seemed very happy, but what I wouldn't give for just a bit of Edward's mindreading abilities right now.

I brought the hand that I held toward my lips and placed a long kiss on the inside of her wrist. She closed her eyes and slightly parted her lips.

"What are you thinking right now, my love?" I asked, my voice low as I took in her reaction to my touch.

Her eyes remained closed as she spoke, "Automobiles move much too slowly. Let's just ditch the baggage and run to our honeymoon."

I laughed, "I know, every minute seems like hours. But I have planned a few surprises for you. So indulge me with your patience. I promise I will make it worth the wait."

She looked at me with slightly apologetic eyes. I kissed her wrist again.

As we passed another car, I caught the sight of something reflecting in its headlights. It was my wedding band. I had barely noticed its presence until now. A perfect circle with no beginning and no end. Endless. It stood for Esme's commitment to me. It was a symbol of my belonging to her. A ring – such a simple a thing, but it was my most prized possession.

I was surprised that Esme did not ask where our final destination was or how long until we arrived. She seemed content in knowing much more awaited. And we would be together.

At last we reached the docks just outside of Marinette. I saw Esme's excitement as she realized we had come to the end of our road trip. I pulled up to Dock 11 where a small ferry awaited. A lean, young man in uniform hurried from the ferry. He rushed to the passenger side of the car and pulled it open as I exited from my side.

"Good evening, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Everything is ready for your arrival as you requested."

"Thank you. We are tired from our journey and look forward to the comforts of your establishment."

Esme raised her eyebrows at the formality of our conversation. I smiled, pleased to know I could show her luxury she had not previously experienced in either life thus far. Up until now, money was just something to be collected. But now it had new meaning. It was the means to giving my wife the treatment she deserved.

We boarded the ferry while the workers loaded our luggage.

"It's a beautiful crisp night for a trip across the bay. You may want to enjoy the view of the full moon from the upper deck. And congratulations on your nuptials," the young man said as he freed the ferry from the dock. We glided into the dark waters of the bay.

"Shall we, my lovely wife," I asked Esme as I took her hand to climb the stairs to the top deck of the ferry.

We had the vessel all to ourselves, except for the few workers aboard. I had advised them of our late arrival and made special arrangements for our transportation.

It was chilly and the wind whipped around us as we crossed Green Bay. Even though the cool temperature did affect us, it was a perfect excuse to embrace her. I stood behind her at the deck railing and circled my arms around her waist.

"Mmmmm," she cooed. "Carlisle, it's beautiful. I have never been on the water before."

"I will show you the world, Esme. There is so much to see and we have forever…"

"Yes, forever…" she sighed.

She leaned her head back and rested it on my shoulder. The light of the moon was reflecting in the waves. It looked like a fluttering white ribbon. The constant sound of the water and the ferry's engine was almost hypnotic. After a busy day and a most certain eventful night, it was nice to take this pause.

When we docked at Door Peninsula, we were greeted by another man in uniform.

"Good Evening, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. And welcome from the Ephraim Inn. I have a car ready for you. Please, if you would follow me, I will show you to the car and then retrieve your baggage."

It was a short quiet car ride to the Inn. The house was large for a residence, but small as far as a place of lodging. It had the look of home, in fact, I told Esme that it use to be the private residence of a doctor friend of mine.

"The architecture is so pleasing to the eye," she said.

"I didn't know you were interested in architecture?" Not that I knew everything about Esme, but I paid close attention to her likes and dislikes. This one had escaped me.

"I didn't either, but I just love the lines of this home. Could I sketch it while we're here to take as a memory?"

"Of course, dear. We'll have plenty of time and I have been assured by management that we will be provided anything we need. I will have a notebook sent up for you. But first, I think you will really like our room…"

We breezed through the lobby as I had sent explicit directions regarding check –in and the preparations for our room. Esme stopped to gaze at the grand foyer with its dark wood paneling and chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. I tried to be patient, but I was so full of anticipation of her reaction when she saw our room. I was new at this romance thing, but I was sure it would please her.

By the time we reached our suite, our bags were already in the room.

Outside our room I paused. "You know I am obligated by tradition to carry you over the threshold. Where I come from it's believed that a bride who trips over the threshold would irrevocably bring bad luck to her home and marriage."

"Hmmm, trip…" Esme had a thoughtful look on her face. I smirked knowing she was thinking of some wise remark. Finally, she looked up at me with a coy smile.

"Well, maybe we should play it real safe. I bet we could both leap from here and land on the bed. No chance of bad luck then…" She winked at me.

But I got the last laugh as quickly I threw her over my shoulder and burst into our room.

"The tradition said 'carry', but it didn't specify how!" I mocked.

"Carlisle! Put me down! How outrageous – the bride starting her honeymoon rear-end first!"

Her protests were weak at best, but I still complied. I set her on her feet, facing me. I took her face in my hands and placed a playful kiss on her smiling lips. When I pulled away, I ran my hands down to her shoulders so I could turn her around to view the splendor of our room.

"_Oh, Carlisle!" _She gasped.

The spacious room was alight with dozens of taper candles in shiny brass candle sticks. The overstuffed canopy bed was adorned with red silk bedding and covered with pink rose petals. Crystal vases filled with various colored roses twinkled in the candlelight. 'April Showers' by Al Jolson played softly.

Esme was speechless. So I seized the moment…

"May I have this dance, my breathtaking bride?"

I took her hand and pulled her into me. Our gentle movements stirred the air around us causing the candlelight to flicker and shadows danced on the walls.

Al Jolson crooned as we swayed,

"Life is not a highway strewn with flowers,  
Still it holds a goodly share of bliss,  
When the sun gives way to April showers,  
Here is the point you should never miss."

"I love you, Esme," I whispered in her ear.

She looked up into my eyes, her expression appearing almost sad.

"What is it, My Love?"

"Carlisle, can this really be true? After all the tragedy in my life and your endless days alone, can this happiness really belong to us? I am so afraid it will disappear. That I might lose you…"

I placed my index finger under her chin and raised her eyes to mine, just as I had done to sweet-sixteen year old Esme, "What did I tell you long ago when we first met?"

She silently shook her head, her human memories too dim to remember.

"I told you to take care of yourself because one day you would make a lucky man very happy. And I was right. You have made me very happy. I could never be without you. Our love is real and it will be forever. I promise.

Now, tonight is not about being afraid, tonight is about celebrating."

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to toast to our future and enjoy a glass of champagne right now," she sighed.

"Well, let me see if I can distract you from _that _desire…"

I reached up and release her hair from the pins that held it back. I let my fingers run through her warm caramel-color hair as it cascaded down giving her an instantly sultry appearance. I placed a gentle open-mouthed kisses on her neck and worked my lips down to her collar bone. Esme let her head hang back and sighed again. This time it was for me.

It was quite exhilarating knowing this time I would not have to restrain my physical longing for her.

I allowed myself to taste her flesh. I ran my tongue up her next to her jaw line. I lingered there and then sought to taste her sweet lips.

Esme kissed me back hungrily.

"I want to taste you too, Carlisle," she spoke into my lips before parting hers and gently pushing her tongue into my mouth.

The honeyed taste of her mouth sent a jolt through my whole body. I quivered in her strong embrace.

"More, my love. Show me more…" I pleaded.

"Help me with something?" she asked me, her eyes darkening.

She spun around, "I cannot reach these buttons, could you undo them for me?"

My unsteady hands worked to unfasten the buttons on her wedding dress. Once I had released the last button that rested near the base of her spine, she turned to face me.

She placed her hands on the bodice of her dress with a slight tug it slid her arms. The dress effortlessly continued down the length of her body and puddled on the floor at her feet revealing her silky chemise.

Without words, Esme removed my bowtie and began releasing the buttons on my shirt. She ran her hands lovingly over my chest, removing the shirt that had been securely tucked into the pants of my tuxedo.

"I wish I had something as tantalizing to wear for you as you have done for me," I whispered feeling inadequate in my preparations for my wedding night.

But Esme smiled, "Don't worry, Love, I picked something up for you."

She turned and excitedly hurried over to her trunk, pulling out a garment box which she presented to me. "Step into the bathroom and put it on."

I wordlessly complied, staggering toward the bathroom.

Esme called out from behind me, "Oh, and Carlisle, the shirt is optional. I'll wait for you on the bed."

In the bathroom I opened the box and smiled at the contents. Esme had purchased silk pajamas in a brilliant sapphire blue.

I quickly stripped down and pulled the bottoms on. Again, I followed her instructions and left the shirt behind in the box.

When I emerged, Esme was facing me sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed. My eyes drawn immediately to her long, curvy legs.

"Come, Love, let me see you closer," she beckoned with her index finger. "Oh, Carlisle, you are beautiful…"

I moved closer to her wanting to embrace her silky smooth body and pull her to my bare chest.

But as I got closer, Esme stopped me with one quick movement. She snapped her leg forward, catching me square in the chest. She applied more pressure than needed to the heel of her shoe and it dug slightly into my flesh.

"Wait. I need more help, Carlisle," she said innocently looking from my eyes to her uplifted leg.

"I am at your service, my dear," I said playing along with her game of seduction.

I placed both my hands around her ankle. Slowly I slid them up, stroking her calf and caressing the soft spot behind her knee. My eyes firmly locked on hers appraising her reaction.

I reached for her garter and undid the snap holding her stocking in place.

"Carlisle, kiss my scars," she said softly.

I hesitated momentarily not understanding her request. Once understanding took hold, I felt ashamed. I had hoped she would never know the complete story of her transformation. I felt I had violated her in that moment of desperation when I bit into her thighs hoping to heal the wounds she had sustained after her jump. I would explain. I only wanted to save her in that moment.

Of course, Esme seemed to read my thoughts…

"You gave of yourself to save me. To bring me to this life of joy with you. I treasure the symbols you left me to remind me of that every day."

I place a soft affectionate kiss on the scars that marked where I had bitten into her human flesh. How could I regret the actions that brought Esme into my life?

I regained my focus and just as slowly as I had ascended to her thigh, I slid my hands back down her leg, bringing the stocking to her ankle. There I released it and removed her shoe. Then I gripped the stocking with my teeth and removed it from around her foot.

Esme began to breathe in an irregular pattern. I was bringing her pleasure. This encouraged me to continue…

With my hands still on her foot, I brought it to my lips and place teasing kisses on the bottom of it. Esme leaned back on the bed, propping herself on her elbows.

I upped the ante by placing my tongue on her ankle bone and running it the length of her lower leg stopping to place a firm lingering kiss on the back of her knee.

Air rushed from her lungs. I raised my eyes to meet hers.

"The other leg, my dear…"

This time Esme laid all the way back on our bed while extending her other leg into my waiting hands. I repeated the process. Esme closed her eyes with a soft moan.

Once I finished my labor of love on the sole of her foot, Esme sat up and gripped my arms, pulling me forcibly on top of her. It appeared she retained some of her newborn strength!

"Oh, God, Carlisle, you are perfect!" she exclaimed covering my face and neck with passionate kisses.

Esme wrapped her arms and legs around me and in one fluid motion flipped us over on the bed. Her legs straddled my hips and her hands were firmly planted on my chest. She looked down at me with a very determined look. I knew something _very good_ was about to happen…

"Will you let me pleasure you, my husband?" her voice was dripping with seduction.

"Yes, Love, I am yours," I managed to push the words out of my mouth.

I looked at her lovely form. She was so beautiful. All mine.

Venom filled my mouth and I swallowed hard.

"Carlisle?"

I saw questioning in her eyes. Was she actually wondering if I approved of her appearance?

Esme, you are the most perfect woman I have even seen. You are beautiful inside and out. I love you, Esme. I love you so much…" My anticipation and emotion overwhelmed me and I was at a loss for words. I wanted to convey so much to her in that moment, but 'I love you' were the only words I could manage to utter.

To my surprise, my response was adequate – she smiled down at me.

I let my hands caress her form. At my touch uttered my name. I had never heard anything so arousing in all my existence.

Esme lowered her body to meet mine. My brain felt like every neuron was firing at once.

Her lips quickly met mine. Consuming them. She sucked on my lower lip…and then bit into it. My body shuttered at the pleasure that rippled through me.

Feeling so foreign to me…yet so incredibly right.

I pressed my lips to hers, eager to experience more of her.

We had all night, all day…all eternity.

* * *

_End Notes: Thank you for reading this story, which has become a great source of joy for me. I hope it met your expectations yet retaining a "T" rating for the wonderful teens that have been following this story. Carlisle and Esme have such a wonderful love for each other. Now hurry on to Honeymoon Part II..._

_If you are 18 or older, you can visit my adult version (that I believe is still true to their character) on Twilighted(dot)net._


	16. Honeymoon, Part II

_Stephenie Meyer owns all that is Twilight._

Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

**Honeymoon, Part II **

My wedding day was everything I could every wish for – and more.

Although I was probably as self-conscious of my lack of virginity as Carlisle was of his lack of experience, I found that, just like how we fell in love, it all seemed to work out naturally.

We lay silently now in each other's embrace watching the candle light. Fire always reminded me of the wonders of my vampire abilities. I could clearly see the blues, oranges, and yellows so vividly in each flame. So much of this existence was different. It made me wonder, would sex feel different in this body?

"Mind if I freshen up?" Carlisle asked and then excused himself to the bathroom.

Although the bathroom was only about twenty feet from the bed, our separation made me feel uneasy. I wanted to be back in his arms.

I curled up on my side in the big bed replaying the events of the evening. I still struggled with my nerves. So I entertained myself by visualizing the best parts so far. My breath caught when I remembered Carlisle tearing my corset off my body. I let my eyes search the room for where it had gone to. I spotted it across the room by the door. If I hadn't recognized the fabric, I would have never known that the shredded lump of material was my wedding corset.

I smiled and rested my head back on the bed. It appears my angel has a little devil in him too!

What other surprises did the night have in store?

With that thought, I heard a faucet squeak followed by the quick flow of water. Carlisle was taking a bath? Now?

I listened to the water run. Then I smelled the familiar scent of soap. I had just started to feel a bit rejected when a small rectangular object came flying out of the bathroom. It hit the side of the bed and landed on the floor with a muffled thud. Next to be launched out of the bathroom was a large white bath towel.

I got on my hands and knees and crawled over to the edge of the bed. I reached down and picked up the rectangular object – a bar of soap. Scrawled on in perfect script was written 'join me?'

So Carlisle likes to play games too!

I grinned and jumped off the bed. Quickly I slipped off my silk bloomers – all that I was left wearing. I bunched them up and tossed them into the bathroom and waited for Carlisle's response.

Silence and then…"Is that a 'yes'?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

I let out a laugh. That line was becoming of our favorite inside jokes.

Grabbing the towel off the floor, I quickly wrapped it around my body tiptoed to the bathroom. I peeked in.

Carlisle was already in the bathtub with mountains of bubbles all around him. The tub was an extra large double slipper with plenty of room for two. It was the center piece of the very roomy bathroom, but the rest of it was just as extraordinary.

The room was painted in muted colors. Wooden shelves, painted in coordinating colors, lined the room. Adorning the shelves were fluffy towels and fancy, multi-colored bottles filled with perfume and bathing oils. This room too was lit by several small groupings of taper candles. On a pedestal by the tub were a bottle of champagne and the largest bouquet of flowers in the whole suite: two dozen coral-colored rose buds.

My eyes swept around the room finally coming to rest on Carlisle. His dark eyes twinkled in the candle light like stars in the night sky. He so enjoyed watching my reaction to his gifts of love. I was beginning to believe there was nothing he wouldn't provide for me. But the real beauty of this fact was that his gifts all had meaning. He didn't lavish gifts on me to impress or buy my happiness, but to express his feelings for me -- for love. So, I had to ask…

"Coral roses?"

"They symbolize desire," he answered without hesitation.

"Appropriate," I conceded still perched just outside of the bathroom itself. Just one more question, I was curious…

"Why roses and not some other flower?"

"In every way roses remind me of you. Their petals are as soft as your skin. Their beauty, above all others. And their fragrance, as sweet as the scent that is you."

I slowly entered the room. "Such sweet talk, Dr. Cullen. But you know, you have already won my heart."

"Now I wish to have the rest of you, Mrs. Cullen. Care for a dip?" He beckoned me to come closer by holding out his hand.

One minor detail: my towel.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows expectantly.

That devil! He knew I had no real choice in this matter.

I took in a deep breath, stood tall and dropped the towel to the floor.

I took Carlisle's extended hand and stepped into the warm water.

Bathing felt so good. It made me feel almost human. The water's warmth permeated my body. I seem to absorb its heat.

I settled in and faced Carlisle. He was wearing my favorite smile – the one that had a little mischief in it. He reached over to the small table and snagged the bottle of champagne.

"I believe someone wanted to toast our marriage?" he said.

I nodded wondering what he planned to do with the celebratory liquid that we could not consume.

"I see no reason not to enjoy our complimentary bottle of bubbly," Carlisle said matter-of-factly as he loosened the cork and then opened it with a loud 'pop'.

I flinched and let out a cheer – the typcial human response to opening a bottle of champagne.

He held the open bottle high in the air and said, "Today I have married my best friend and my soul mate. At last my life has begun!"

With that Carlisle tipped the bottle and let the champagne flow out into the tub! It splashed and fizzed filling the air around us with its unique aroma. I laughed and let out a squeal as I raised my hands to deflect the splashing liquid. Carlisle laughed at my response and out of sheer happiness that I could see all over his face. I never saw anything so wonderful and I wondered if I ever would see anything so incredible again.

When our laughter died down to just large smiles, Carlisle manipulated my small frame around so that my back rested against his chest. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and placed his chin lightly on the top of my head.

I sighed. Such a simple pleasure. Just being together in the water.

"Carlisle, could I ask for something, well, a few somethings?" I said.

"Anything, Love"

I smiled. "Can we get a tub like this one?"

"Well, we would have to reinforce the floor and gut the existing bathroom…"

"We also need a bed."

"That, my Love, I have arranged for." This surprised me. I didn't think he had thought ahead to that detail. "It will be delivered before we return home."

I hesitated, but then continued with my real reason for this line of questioning. "Can I ask for one more thing, actually, it's a gift – for Edward."

Carlisle kissed my head. "Of course, what do you want to get?"

"A piano."

There was a silence and then Carlisle's pleasant laughter filled the room. "Woman, we're going to need a bigger house!"

Then he added in a serious tone, "I will make a call in the morning and arrange for a piano to be added to the delivery."

"A grand piano?" I knew I was pushing my luck, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

"A grand piano."

Satisfied that my requests were granted, I leaned my head back against Carlisle's shoulder.

The quiet was brief.

"How else can I please you, my wife?" Carlisle whispered in my ear. His tone very suggestive.

His words seem to travel into my ears, down my spine and ignite a fire deep inside of me. Desire like I had never felt before. My body began to ache with its burn.

I began to rub my legs together and I felt my eyes dilate.

"Make me yours, Carlisle," The words came out of my mouth like a command.

Carlisle ran a soapy hand along my jaw line and pulled my face to his. The force of his lips on mine made my head spin and sent a flood of arousal through my body. Carlisle did not release me; instead his kisses became more passionate, forceful, and needy. He plunged his tongue into my mouth and I felt a growl rumbling in his chest. His free hand reached under the water and gripped my hip pulling me closer to him.

Carlisle and I gasped between heated kisses, though I did not understand this need for air. His desire consumed me and drove me crazy with want.

Needing more and determined to grant my husband's wish, I took his hand from my hip, guided him as he explored me.

_Ohhh._ And then I had the answer to my earlier question: Yes, sex was definitely different in this body!

After my transformation, I had quietly grieved the loss of many human abilities: major things like eating a hot chocolate sundae and sleeping while vivid dreams danced in my mind. And I missed the minor pleasures like enjoying a glass of sweet white wine or a walk in the park of a warm sunny day.

But now, feeling the exquisite pleasure I was experiencing in this immortal body from my husband's touch …eternity somehow didn't seem long enough.

I could feel my teeth grind in my clenched jaw as my brain tried to organize all the messages being sent to it by my increasingly stimulated body. Sex was physically the same, but the mind-body connection was all different. Every stimulus that I felt was multiplied many times over.

My mind became clouded but my body knew just where it was going. I surrendered conscious control to it and enjoyed the sensations that rippled through me. Silently I rode the wave of tension that was building.

Carlisle momentarily caught my attention as his tongue ceased making love to my mouth. His lips slid to my ear, "Am I pleasing you, my wife?" he growled.

My wave of pleasure crested as Carlisle dragged his tongue slowly from my ear down to my neck and bit into its hard flesh.

It sent me crashing and flooded my brain with a rush of euphoria.

I went limp in Carlisle's arms. But unlike me, his body was still full of tension. Realizing this I turned to face him and whispered, "Make love to me, my Darling."

His eyes were dark with urgent need. He took me in his arms and crashed his body against mine. The force of it launched us to the other side of the tub. The cast iron groaned as my back slammed against it. Water frantically poured over the sides of the tub.

The mild-mannered doctor was finally letting himself go. Always so reigned in, so in control. I knew his lifestyle and profession required it, but this was different. Now with me, his wife, he could let his instincts rule. And I hoped he would…

With one arm Carlisle held himself over me while the other reached around to the small of my back. He pulled our bodies together.

From the moment we first began to make love, I knew.

I knew everything in my life would fall into place. I would never be alone. I would never want for anything. Our commitment and bond to each other was so complete, I had no doubt I could face anything, accomplish anything with him by my side. Mind, body and spirit, I was complete with Carlisle. We were one in every sense.

To feel so complete was a feeling like nothing I had ever experience or even conceived was possible. I clung to him with all my strength. I was suddenly engulfed in emotion: want, need, love, desire, fulfillment, joy. They all rushed over me, swirling and caressing me.

Our lips locked together and I could feel the same emotions in Carlisle's kisses.

All that we had ever hoped for, we had found in each other in this moment. A bond was formed that would never be broken.

Everything around me faded to nothing. I functioned on pure emotion and instinct. I never felt so free.

Carlisle's lips broke from mine and words rushed from his mouth. They were words of love, I had no doubt, but they poured out in the languages of romance – French, Italian and Spanish. It didn't matter that I couldn't understand the words, I knew the meaning. He was professing his love for me, his eternal pledge to be at my side forever.

Our bodies continued to move as one until we found release together. We collapsed in an embrace in what little water remained at the bottom of the bathtub. Our energy and emotion completely spent.

After an unknown amount of time, Carlisle rose and lifted me out of the tub. Wordlessly he carried me to our bed, laying me gently on the soft bedding.

I stretch out as he climbed in next to me. He slung an arm over me and pulled me to his so we fit together like two spoons.

The candles were slowly flickering out of existence. The wax hung like icicles down the sides of the candle sticks.

The room did not dim however as the first rays of the sun started filtering into the room. The sunlight struck our bare skin and was reflected back onto the walls in the form of many tiny rainbows. They danced when we moved.

"Looks like it will be a sunny day," Carlisle remarked softly.

"Hmmm, a sunny day. Not good for vampires," I said.

"But a perfect day for vampire lovers," he whispered.

We smiled knowing what the day, and all of forever, would have in store for us.

**``*``*``**

_Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible — it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. __- Barbara De Angelis, PhD_

* * *

_**AN: **__*Sigh* I'd love to hear your comments. _

_Honeymoon part II - Chapter 16 (adult version) is posted on Twilighted(dot)net for those age 18 and older only please._


	17. Journey, Part I

SM owns Twilight.

Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began…

**Journey**

_Journal Entry: May 8, 1923_

_Dear Journal: _

_Happy Anniversary! _

_Today I celebrate my first wedding anniversary with my wonderful, immortal, gorgeous husband. But I guess I am partial. _

_Our honeymoon was like a dream. So full of beautiful memories that my fantastical brain will keep safe forever. My favorite memory was our homecoming. Edward had placed a banner in the yard that read 'Welcome Home Mom and Dad'. The added special touch: the sounds of classical piano emanating from the house. I truly felt like I belonged to a family._

_How could I summarize this past year? I guess I would have to say that I never thought I could learn so much about one person – who lived one incredible lifetime! This first year together has taught me more than I ever dreamed. Carlisle has such a vast history; I can listen to him talk for hours (and usually do!). I have gained many new perspectives on world history, especially when the facts come from an eye witness. As someone who will always be a teacher at heart, it just tears me apart that he can't share his accounts with school children. How much richer their knowledge and insight would be if they could understand what came before. But I can wish._

_However, I have learned much more in this past year than just lessons in world history. Love has taught me many things. I have learned to be more patient, tolerant of other views, understanding, thoughtful, empathetic and most of all, thankful. _

_But one aspect of love I didn't expect was fear. It seems the more I fall in love with my small family, the more I fear losing them. Sometimes I become consumed with thoughts of discovery and being hunted and killed like animals. Cursed by people who know nothing of who we are, just what we are. I can't stop the nightmare from playing out in my mind once the thoughts start forming. They scare me. But these irrational fears are for my journal only. I rarely speak of them; I wouldn't want to burden Carlisle with my silly 'what-if' concerns._

_This year has been very good to Carlisle. His supervisor retired and Carlisle was promoted! He had always played it safe when it came to his career – keeping in the background as not to draw any unnecessary attention. But he said with me by his side, he had the courage to accept the supervisory position! _

_Due to his position change and the need to hire a replacement for Carlisle, I have had to share my husband with a very demanding job. We spent less time together over the last few months. I have done my best not to complain and reassure myself that I have forever to be with him, but I still had to get through some lonely times (which are recounted in earlier entries!). I'd like to think Carlisle realized my need for more companionship rather than Edward making the connection for him, but either way, the result is this vacation. A chance to reconnect. A second honeymoon. _

_Which, Journal, brings us to today. Carlisle said it was time to make good on a promise he made during our first honeymoon: to show me the world. I do not know our ultimate destination, but Carlisle took a three week leave from the hospital! _

_While I am more than delighted to see what exists outside of my limited travel experience, I didn't think Carlisle would try to show me the whole world in one trip! So far, here is the itinerary:_

_The first leg of the mystery anniversary trip had been a car ride to Chicago. _

_From there we boarded the most incredible train I had ever seen! I think Carlisle forgets how little I have seen in my life. He laughed at my reaction to the larger than life steam engine that huffed billows of steam like a fictional iron dragon. But this wasn't just any train. As Carlisle explained, she had a name and a reputation. The Panama Limited ran from Chicago to New Orleans. 'She' was one of only a few luxury Pullman trains operating in this country. As a Pullman train, she only traveled at night. With all the windows on the train, day travel would have been…uncomfortable._

_As I finish this entry, our ocean liner (yes, I am now on a ship!) is docking in Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. Ship travel is all the rage and I could have imagined that this farm girl from Ohio would ever be rubbing elbows with the rich and famous!_

_I can tell we were finally closing in on our final destination – Carlisle was never very good at concealing his excitement. I wonder…_

"Esme, dear, are you ready to disembark?" Carlisle asked as he tipped the steward who took our luggage.

I snapped my journal closed and pushed it into my bag. "Of course. Let the adventure continue," I chimed. Thank heaven I didn't get tired. This trip seemed more like a marathon…

Blissfully unaware of my inner thoughts, Carlisle replied, "That's the attitude, my dear. One more leg to the trip!"

"But I want to see Rio," I whined. "Where are we off to now?" I felt like I had traveled to the ends of the Earth already.

His eyes twinkled. I knew that look. _Oh, Lord, what now?_

"We have a plane to catch!" He grabbed my hand and off we went.

Rio was a difficult place to hide from the sun. Carlisle and I wore wide brimmed hats and long sleeved cotton shirts. My large sunglasses covered most of my face.

Ironically, our flamboyant attire actually enabled us to blend in well with the other well-to-do travelers.

A hired car was waiting and it took us to further down the docks.

"I thought you said we were boarding a plane?" I finally asked as we were whisked out of the car, obviously on some tight time schedule.

"We are taking a plane – a hydroplane!"

"What?" I froze, jerking Carlisle to a stop. A plane that took off and landed in water? Seriously? Fear actually overtook me for a moment before I remembered my near-indestructibility.

"Oh, what the Hell. Why not... " I murmured before Carlisle took my hand and tugged me forward again.

The plane ride was actually exhilarating and I enjoyed Carlisle's dazzling smile as the joy in him bubbled over.

After several minutes, Carlisle pointed excitedly out the plane window. "That's it! That's our destination."

I looked to where he pointed. There, hugged on all sides by ocean, was a small island. Its contrasting colors of white sand and lush greenery stood out brilliantly against the deep blueness of the water. Even from this distance, it was breathtaking.

The plane's landing was smoother than I expected and it glided up to a small dock that jutted out from the island. We were greeted by a middle aged man with bronze-colored skin that was wrinkled more that it should be for a man his age. As we climbed out of the plane, the man bowed and spoke to us in a language I had never heard before. My jaw dropped slightly as Carlisle addressed the man casually in the same language. I don't think I will ever learn all my husband's talents no matter how long I exist.

We were handed an umbrella to shield us from the intense sun. Although I didn't like being seen as haughty, our guise as well-to-do Americans was working so well to hide what we really were. The people in this part of the world were used to seeing pale travelers as the well-off rarely spent time in the sun. That would indicate they lacked someone else to do their menial outdoor labor…

As our luggage was carried away, Carlisle took my arm and wrapped it around his. "Welcome to Isle Esme!" he said as he gestured to the scenery before us that resembled a miniature rainforest.

"What!" _Again_, I jerked him to a halt.

"My Love, happy anniversary! Welcome to our private retreat! I know how much you miss the warmth of the sun. Here we can enjoy the sun and be ourselves. Just us." He positively beamed.

"You….you are giving me an island as an anniversary gift?" I stammered. "Named after me no less?" I knew Carlisle was a man of means, but an island!

I could tell he was getting the reaction from me that he had hoped for -- and he reveled in it.

"Well, I guess it's a gift for the family. And as for the name, it's a blend of our names: 'isle' from my first name and your first name. This place is about celebrating our union. The name seemed appropriate. "

"How?" I was still speaking in clipped sentences, not really absorbing the deep sentiment of the words he had just spoken.

"I called in on an old favor," he said casually.

"Dr. Cullen, explain…" I demanded placing my hands on my hips.

"Well, let me tell you about the history of this island. Come walk with me…."

As we walked down the dock that led to a wide gravel path, Carlisle gave me another history lesson…

"Brazil was once the property of Portugal. But in 1808, the Portuguese Royal Court fled from Portugal ahead of Napoleon's army. Rio de Janeiro became the capital of the Portuguese government from 1808 to 1815. This island retreat was a gift from King Joao IV to his lovely wife, Carlota Joaquina. And now I give it to you. I always wanted to treat you like royalty."

By now, the path had left the beach behind and penetrated into the dense, jungle-like terrain.

My vampire brain whirled with the sensory input of the island. The smells were incredible – moist, earthy and tangy. The sounds were strange! Exotic birds sang all around us and I searched the trees to catch a glimpse of them. I could also hear unseen creatures scurrying in the underbrush and a multitude of frogs that croaked out their love songs. The sights were just as incredible – I never seen so many variations of the color green! The brilliance of the colors was almost too much for my ultra-perceptive eyes.

I was so absorbed in the surroundings; I hadn't realized that Carlisle was waiting for a response from me. What else could I say?

"Carlisle, I love it! It's almost magical."

"Wait until you see the house!" Carlisle almost seemed to shake with excitement.

H_ouse, thank goodness, I was half expecting a castle!_

"Why wait…let's run!" I said. I so loved to run vampire style…

We took off hand in hand. The scenery blurred by so quickly that all the greens blended into one consistent shade.

As we broke through the trees, the house commanded the view. It was a large, white-stucco structure set against a stunning background of light blue sky and dark blue water. We had transverse the width of the small island and the beach was only steps away from the back of the house.

"Oh," was all I managed to push out of my mouth. "It's amazing."

I let go of Carlisle's hand and rushed through the large wooden front doors. The interior of the home was well lit from the abundance of windows and the sunlight that reflected off the highly polished natural wood floors. The walls were stained white and the vaulted ceilings gave it a feeling of incredible grandeur. Crystal chandeliers powered by candlelight added to the opulence of the house.

"And you got all this in return for a favor?" I asked as I slowly turned toward the door to see Carlisle entering the house. My eyes locked on his and narrowed, "must have been one heck of a favor!"

"Well," Carlisle hedged. "Let's just say that the Portuguese Royal family had a few secrets. The most protected secret being a certain immortal member of the court. He still owed me for services rendered…and my continuing silence."

I knew there was more to this story, but the look in Carlisle's eyes told me this history lesson would have to wait.

He pulled me into his arms and pressed his forehead to mine. "I never had any reason to cash in on that favor until you."

I felt a twinge in my still heart. Even when I was human, I was never as good as this man before me, a man most humans would consider an abomination.

"Carlisle, I have something for you, too."

But my words came out in barely a whisper. I knew I could never reciprocate all that he has given to me. I thought of the handmade gift I had packed for our anniversary. I cast my eyes downward, suddenly feeling very inadequate. What could I possibly give him that could measure up to _an island_, a loving home, a family, and a new life? All the tangible and intangible things he has given me were too numerous to consider. When I came into his life I had nothing to offer yet I took everything he had to offer.

I actually began to whither in his arms, trying to shrink away from his larger-than-life presence.

His brow furrowed. "Esme? What's wrong?"

I considered whether I should tell the truth and make this moment about me or if I should fib and swallow my insecurities and self-doubt for his sake. I couldn't decide, so I said nothing.

"Esme?" He repeated, alarm coloring his voice.

Carlisle now gripped my shoulders firmly, snapping me out of my brooding thoughts. "Esme, what is going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He tried to maintain a light tone, though I know he was getting worried about my lack of communication and conflicted expression.

When all I did was slump in his grasp, Carlisle guided me over to the last step of the grand staircase that led to yet unexplored rooms. The force he applied to my shoulders indicated he wanted me to sit down. He squatted down in front of me and just looked into my eyes. Patience was another gift he had. He just waited while I struggled to find the words to express what I was feeling.

My mind ticked through the possibilities:

Overwhelmed? So much of my life has changed in just two short years.

Loved by him more than I felt I ever deserved?

Amazed at the power of his totally giving nature?

Inadequate? Could I ever give him all that he deserved? If not, could I survive him leaving me for another who could give him more?

Curious as to why someone so incredible could love me – a farm girl with nothing but a pathetic past?

Yet I am so in love with him I want to burst! I wanted to throw myself around him. I wanted to experience everything about him at once – his smell, his taste, his touch, his emotions, his love. I have nothing to give yet I want all of him. Everything. Always. I have been so greedy. I wanted all this for myself.

All I could do was shake my head and bite my lower lip. I knew my eyes betrayed my bewildered, desperate state.

"Beloved?"

_Oh, how I loved when he spoke the literal translation of my name…_

"Are you having doubts of some kind? You look like you have something to say, but you're…afraid? What can I do to make it easier for you?" He asked so genuinely it squeezed my lifeless heart. I only doubted myself.

I knew if I told him how I felt, he would dismiss it as nonsense, but I _so_ needed him to understand. Understand that I would always be in his debt – and the dept I owed always seemed to be growing. I'd never be able to repay it!

Suddenly I saw his eyes change. They became so dark and pained. But there was something else there. An extra…glimmer.

Tears? Was this possible? After several centuries of tireless sacrifice and endless service to others was my husband becoming more…_human_?

The tear was threatening to leak from his eye and stream down his cheek. I raised a finger to catch it. I was so awed by his love for me that my throat seemed to squeeze shut. I touched the tear and it immediately clung to my finger. I looked at it intently, reverently – it was another gift he gave to me.

But my silence was hurting him. I needed to say _something_…do something…

I felt like a teakettle about to boil….

* * *

Though I had _heard _of it many times, I was still caught off-guard when it happened: the quick changing, unpredictability of female emotions.

I was expecting an elated Esme!

The beauty of this island was almost unmatched in anything I had seen. So secluded and just for my cherished family to experience. I know _I_ couldn't have been happier. So what was I missing here?

I looked at her shaking and wide-eyed. She looked at me as if _I_ had the answers to her current emotional state.

_What a time to be without Edward!_

I tried to guess what she was feeling. It looked like fear. But of what? There was only _me_ here. Why would she fear me? Maybe not me per se but my reaction to something?

I tried to process any number of possible explanations along with the potential solutions to each.

Finally, my mind snagged on the worst case scenario: Esme was not happy – not happy with me. Yet I couldn't think of anything I did wrong.

Maybe….maybe she's doesn't want to be here…alone with _me_.

I knew what I was feeling: dread. Was this love affair over just when I thought it was getting started? I searched my memory for any changes in our relationship. Anything subtle that would have foreshadowed this moment. With my limited experience in relationships, would I even have picked up on any signs?

I know my new position was taking more of my time than I liked. But it was a chance for me to make a difference and to use the knowledge I spent centuries accumulating! But at what cost?

I concluded that she was struggling to let me down easy. In that moment I felt I was in a free fall. Esme was my everything. My personal sun, my warmth, my reason for continuing this life.

I had been alone for so long, yet ignorant to what I was missing. I filled my life with just causes and a professional calling. Now I realize I just had no name for what was absent. I guess you can't miss what you never had.

With her I am completed. I have everything and want for nothing.

Losing her would be akin to ripping out a part of my body. I would _never_ be whole again. A _true_ walking dead man.

The tension in the room was palpable. I was shaking with anxiety and longed to take some action. But what action?

Esme reached out and touched my eye, fascinated by something she saw there.

_Please speak_ my thoughts pleaded.

"Carlisle…"

Then something happened that I never expected in the dozens of scenarios I had run through my head…

_

* * *

__End notes: Sorry, but this was my last chance to squeeze in some angst before concluding this story! What would a Twilight fanfic be without angst? As always, please let me know what you think…_

_Love you all!_


	18. Journey, Part II

SM owns all things Twilight.

Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began

**Journey, Part II**

_Previously: The tension in the room was palpable. I was shaking with anxiety and longed to take some action. But what action?_

_Esme reached out and touched my eye, fascinated by something she saw there._

_Please speak my thoughts pleaded._

_"Carlisle…"_

_At last!_

_Then something happened that I never expected in the dozens of scenarios I had run through my head…_

Esme launched herself at me with such force that it sent us tumbling to the floor.

Before I could protest, her lips sought mine and she kissed me with a desperation I never could have imagined. Her body trembled against mine.

I still wasn't sure what was happening or why, but I let some of my guard down…enough to feel the urgency in her actions.

In between heated kisses, Esme spoke in incomplete sentences and scattered thoughts. I struggled to understand what she was trying to say however at the same time I began to feel my body responding to hers.

"I don't deserve you…"

She ran her hands up my sides, pushing my shirt up and exposing my chest and abdomen.

"I can never repay you…"

Her tension was being released through passion and it made me long to touch her. I couldn't focus. What's the right thing to do?

"Please forgive me. I am so selfish…" Her words were breathlessly spoken.

I rolled us over and yanked her skirt up to the top of her thighs. I had to feel her skin.

"Take everything….everything I am. It's all I have to offer…"

She tore at her blouse, shredding it to pieces. It ignited me with desire and want. She was so lost to passion and emotion…and she was pulling me in with her.

I rid my body of my bunched up shirt. Sliding my teeth down the length of her jaw, neck and between her breasts, I frantically searched for something I could latch them onto.

"Esme, I want you. I want all of you." Panting now, I sought to reassure her that I loved her. I still did not understand what was tormenting her mind, but I could respond to her body.

I struggled to pull us to our feet, our lips not wanting or unable to part from each other, and make our way to one of the many bedrooms. I wasn't quite sure which way to go. I was disoriented.

As soon as I stood, Esme wrapped her arms around my neck and locked her legs around my waist. I could feel her heat…

"Carlisle…_please_…."

I stumbled forward blind with the power Esme was wielding over my body and mind. She squeezed me so tight and the scent of her arousal made me dizzy.

I faltered and we slammed through the wall that separated the foyer from the main sitting room.

I mentally braced for a scolding from Esme. She frowned upon destruction…

Yet again, her response defied my logic and she clamped her legs around me even tighter and wove her fingers into my hair…and pulled.

It was pain and pleasure at the same time. A growl rumbled in my chest and erupted from my lips as a hiss. I spun us around and Esme's back slammed into the bricks of the wall-length fireplace. The force of the impact released a shower of rubble on top of us.

In response, Esme sunk her teeth into the flesh where my neck and shoulder met. I snarled in her ear and thrust my hips forward, which in turn brought on a fresh shower of crumbling brick and mortar.

Then for a brief moment, I thought I heard the force of my heart beating against my chest. I realized it was the pounding of the surf just beyond the open back doors of the house.

I smiled wickedly over Esme's sweet lips, "My Love, I think you may be getting too hot and need some cooling off…"

My words caused her to cease her movements, but I could tell she struggled with the meaning behind them.

Not wanting her to completely comprehend their true meaning, I took off through the doors that led to the beach.

We hit the water at a speed that made Esme gasp. She released her hold on me and we tumbled into to the water together.

My little stunt worked out better than I thought as I saw the look of shock on Esme's face turn into a boisterous laugh. She was back!

Overjoyed to see her happy, I took her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. They danced. I kissed her softly on her forehead, nose and lips.

When she stiffened, I understood she was not yet ready to talk about her inner conflict.

_No need to discuss it now_ I thought. My fear of rejection had washed away with the tide. As long as she loved me, I knew we could resolve any issue…together. We had time for talk – later.

"Mrs. Cullen, no clothes are allowed when skinny-dipping," I teased.

With all our tension dissipated, we stripped off our remaining clothing.

I gazed at my beautiful wife. The water had soaked her hair and strands stuck haphazardly to her face. In the intense southern sun, her skin sparkled like a million stars. Almost as spectacular as her butterscotch eyes.

I was never able to see beauty in our kind until this one incredible moment. Light and love radiated from her.

That was Esme's gift. She could see the beauty and love in everyone and everything – and make you believe in it too. She gave in such subtle ways, so softly and delicately, it was like being wrapped in the finest silk. It just felt nice and…special.

I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. My gentle flower…

_…And my little home wrecker!_ I started to laugh thinking about the wall we destroyed in the house.

"What?" She demanded.

"My Beloved, the next time you want to remodel, warn me!"

She smiled a crooked smile. I didn't mean to embarrass her, so I immediately pulled her to me. I slid my hands slowly down her smooth bare back, over the roundness of her bottom and firmly grasped the back of her thighs. With one quick motion I hitched her legs around my hips and pressed into her.

To maintain her balance, Esme had to grab onto my shoulders. The waves pushed and pulled on us, causing our bodies to sway. The resulting friction rekindled the smoldering passion that had been a raging inferno moments ago.

Esme saw the shift of emotion in my eyes and felt the tension return to my body. Her response was opposite of mine: she hung her head back, exposing her throat to me and sank into my grasp. She was surrendering herself to me.

I guided her over me and relished in the feeling of her slowly enveloping me.

_My wife, my mate, my lover, my friend…_

The warm salty water swirled around us while we made love. Time stood still in our little bubble of paradise.

We shared each other silently and then I carried her to the beach.

I plopped down on the powdery white sand and cradled Esme on my lap. I hoped to make her feel safe and maybe she would be ready to talk about what was troubling her.

Then I waited.

Finally, it came pouring out…

"I get overwhelmed at times. You have given me so much. But I have nothing to give you in return. Our relationship is unbalanced," she spat out quickly.

_What?_

"You're worried about material things? Possessions?" I questioned.

Then I laughed at the simplicity of the issue. But Esme winced. Obviously, this was a real concern for her. I needed to address it correctly…

"Esme, in the hundreds of years I have existed, I have seen possessions come and go. Empires fall, castles burn to the ground and priceless treasures are lost. The harder people hang on to their riches, the poorer they become. Their spirit fades and they are left alone and betrayed by their possessions and the greedy souls that surround them. Nothing I own will _ever_ have power over me.

But you…you have power over me. You can raise me up or tear me down with just a glance.

What you give me cannot be measured. It is priceless. It's the one thing I've always wanted, but couldn't find. And like an addict, I can't live without it.

You see, Esme, if our relationship is unbalanced, it's because you possess the one thing I would beg for and even die for – your love.

I treasure _you_. To Hell with all these material things -- they mean nothing -- especially if they make you unhappy..."

* * *

Then Carlisle's tone changed. It almost seemed like each word he spoke held more weight than he could carry. "You have given me so much, I don't think I could ever show you the true depth of my gratitude…you can't blame me for trying."

_Oh, I am such a fool!_ How could I have been so shallow? How could I have implied that _Carlisle_ would be so shallow? Of course possessions would not have meaning to Carlise. He was a giving man. But in my brief human existence I had learned that money and material things meant power, influence, prestige, and security. Something my family always lacked.

But I was so wrong. I knew I could live without things. I could live happily with just Carlisle and Edward. Only they really mattered. Carlisle saw that. He was so wise. I could only hope that my endless years would teach me wisdom too.

"I love you, my angel. I am sorry if my behavior and words – my doubts and insecurities – caused you pain. Please forgive me." That was the best I could offer him.

"On one condition," he responded, a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"What?" I asked relieved knowing he was going to let me off the hook…

"I want my anniversary gift!"

_Yes!_ It was the solution! My handmade gift took on new meaning now. It was a reflection of my love for my family. I felt renewed confidence in it.

"Let's go back to the house." I stood taking Carlisle's hand.

While I fished through my trunk in our room, Carlisle emerged from the bathroom donning a fluffy white robe. He offered me an identical robe.

I slipped it on quickly and lovingly caressed the embroidered initials on the lapel: EAC. But I would not be distracted from my task...

"Okay, sit down on the bed and close your eyes," I instructed.

Carlisle complied with a smile.

I place the framed canvas in his waiting hands.

"Open your eyes!"

Carlisle's eyes flew open with anticipation. As the recognition of the meaning of my gift registered on his face, I glowed.

He ran his fingers slowly over the images: a hand, a lion and three shamrocks embedded in a v-shaped banner.

"A coat of arms…" he said quietly.

"Yes," I said. "We are a family – a strong, honorable family. We needed a unifying symbol of our strength: A Cullen family crest. I thought it fit with your long history. The symbols mean…"

But Carlisle's voice dominated mine –

"The lion represents courage, bravery, ferocity, and valor. The hand, a pledge of faith, sincerity, and justice. The shamrocks indicate time without end; perpetuity. And the banner, protection."

He shook his head. I had never seen Carlisle speechless. But he was – for a moment.

"I have it all, Esme. Is it wrong to want it for all eternity?"

"No, Carlisle. I want it too."

We knew for our family,

We would sacrifice anything,

Possess the courage to defend and protect

And live by a code of honor and respect.

But most of all,

We would be united in love

Forever…

**The End**

_(No, actually, just the beginning…)_

* * *

**End Notes:**

Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story and gave me encouragement to continue. At times, I knew it was my past experiences and emotions being put into this story, and at times, it seemed like the characters were telling me what to write. I loved every minute of it! And I am so glad to have the chance to share it with others. So again, thank you.

I would so consider it a gift if you could please leave a comment or a review. Just share your thoughts!

Voting is now taking place at the Twilight Awards - 2009. Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began has been nominated for best Pre-Twilight category. The link to vote is .net/topic/69076/21488023/1/ While you are there, check out all (and there are lots of them!) categories and vote for your faves. The administrator is from Spain and uses a point system for voting. Hit 'reply" to place your votes.

If you'd like to talk about this story or just chatter about hot Carlisle and loving Esme, visit the thread in the PreTwilight forum at Twilighted(dot)net. Link in my profile!

**If you like looking into the minds and emotions of C&E, I got good news.** I love this couple so much, that I have decided to base a series of one-shots through their POV on various pivotal events in the Twilight saga. The title: **Through Their Eyes**. I hope you will stop by and check it! Link to it through my profile.


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